... Jesus wept... so I cry too....

so we found out yesterday, it is cancer..... cried, was all alone in my office so it was all good... cried a lot.... I cried, because I don't like pain, I don't like loss, I don't like watching someone I love, or anyone for that matter having to go through pain, I cried, because I love my mother, I cried because I know how my children will struggle with this, I cried because once again, this is just not supposed to be like that.... I cried, because if I learned anything going through my last loss it is that we need to allow the emotions... yes, it is true... not only we need to, to deal with it in a healthy way, we are also very much allowed to... yes, "even" as Christians, who know God and trust Him, even as Christians who believe and embrace what the scripture says:

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

     your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

    were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

crying and being sad does not mean, I don't understand that, crying and being sad does not mean I do not believe enough or something like that... remember the verse that everyone likes to memorize because it is the shortest one in the Bible:  Jesus wept....... He did, so do I, I need to, because it is sad..

it is part of this life and Jesus obviously came to give us peace and yes, He overcame this world and we do not have to grieve like the rest of the world... and yet, Jesus wept!

I cry, I cry out to Him, because I know He knows what this feels like, because I know Him intimately do I cry and cry out, because I have such faith in Him, to be there for me, I can allow my feelings of sadness ...

Hear my cry, O God;

    listen to my prayer.

 From the ends of the earth I call to you,

    I call as my heart grows faint;

    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

 For you have been my refuge,

    a strong tower against the foe.

David, a man after God's own heart, David, a sinner, he knew he could cry out... I cry and my Daddy in Heaven picks me up... He knows, He understands... and He won't leave us or forsake us, He will be with us... with my mother, who is such a trooper, and with us, her family who loves her..

so, as I am crying, I am thanking Him, and I am loving Him even more... but I cry..........