..He heals all our diseases... PLEASE LORD...

spend some time last night listening to some old music my parents used to listen to when we were kids, and crying...
pleading... telling my Lord that I DO NOT WANT to have to go there and for Him to miraculously let those spots on my mother's lung be harmless...

I hate the fact that we need to face death... I know I have such a hard time with this because we were made in the image of God, eternal beings, never to die...

and then sin came, and the heartache that comes with it......
I caught myself thinking that I really only have had a little while since I have been fully over losing my marriage.. and that I just couldn't face something that HUGE as losing my mother...

this is me listening to horribly depressing music and just going where my feelings are prone to go...

then I decided not to stay there... but rather focus on

1. we do not have the results yet
2. God is a God of miracles
3. heartache is part of this life but God is bigger
4. He loves my mother... and He can do a miracle and break through her hardened heart, and make her His
5. He brings blessing out of bad things for those that love Him
6. He will be there in the midst of it all
7. He gives us strength to deal with difficult and heart wrenching things
8. it is all about Him anyways

Praise the Lord, O my soul;

    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

 Praise the Lord, O my soul,

    and forget not all his benefits—

 who forgives all your sins

    and heals all your diseases,

 who redeems your life from the pit

    and crowns you with love and compassion,

 who satisfies your desires with good things

    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Psalm 103: 1-5

This is my God, to whom I look in times of despair:

I am God, and there is no other;

    I am God, and there is none like me.

 I make known the end from the beginning,

    from ancient times, what is still to come.

I say: My purpose will stand,

    and I will do all that I please. 

Isaiah 46: 9+10

and lastly..... this is what Jesus said:

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

so what I did last night, I chose to listen to my "MWS Carnegie Hall" Playlist and crawled up on my Father's lap.. snuggled right into His arms, put my head right below His shoulder and listened to His heartbeat... 

...giving a 100 % to the Lord, or maybe only 98%????

Your word is a lamp to my feet

    and a light for my path.

 I have taken an oath and confirmed it,

    that I will follow your righteous laws.

 I have suffered much;

    preserve my life, O Lord, according to your word.

 Accept, O Lord, the willing praise of my mouth,

    and teach me your laws.

 Though I constantly take my life in my hands,

    I will not forget your law.

 The wicked have set a snare for me,

    but I have not strayed from your precepts.

 Your statutes are my heritage forever;

    they are the joy of my heart.

 My heart is set on keeping your decrees

    to the very end.

read this morning about living the life as a follower of Jesus a hundred percent. not 98%, but 100%..

Pete Wilson from Crosspoint Church in Nashville made a good point..

even if we live the 98 %, if we are involved in a Small Group, have accountability partners, read and meditate on the Word regularly, pray and serve God in all we do... if we keep even only 2% hidden and to ourselves, sin tugged away in the farthest corners of our hearts, we are on a dangerous path..

made me think.....His Word is a lamp unto my path...I have pledged my life to follow His lead.. His precepts.. I have suffered much, even though not as much as others, I am asking Him to teach me His ways every day... and then again, I constantly take my life into my own hands... not good..

His Word is the joy of my heart... and my heart is set on pleasing Him in all I do all the time....

so the 2 %.............  I am going to ask the Lord to reveal them to me...

and I know He will:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

He has been faithful to me, He makes me confess my sins to my accountability group.. I can't help it,  and others are shocked at how open I am with them, again, it is not me, it is Him, that's another way He shows me His love..

He has called me to be a vessel He can use to reach people in need with the Good News, I cannot hold on to anything that could hinder what He wants to do... I thank Him for being in control over my life, and for wrestling those things that I have been holding onto out of my hands, one after the other..

I know there is more... and I know He will reveal it.. just love Him so much!!!

..Huge Blessings and Potential Losses...

I am still walking around with this huge smile.. I wonder if any of the pictures the photographer took will have caught that one...  but all along, there was something in the back of my mind..
there is nothing I can do and there aren't even any clear answers yet... so I left it with the Lord and His peace was mine, so I enjoyed this weekend like I should have..

back home, and having talked with my mother on the phone yesterday.. the reality of her CT scan is right back on top of the list of things I am thinking about...
today another CT scan was performed, one that will give the Dr's a better look at those spots on her lungs...

spending the weekend with my sweet friend Mary, who happens to be a physician and  works in a hospital taking care of dying patients, I finally asked her what she thought this all could mean..... :(

when I was a little girl growing up in Germany my mother had a huge "Health book" and whenever someone was sick I always looked up what it all meant and what one could do to make it better.. I guess I always wanted to help those in need..

I still research stuff, it's much easier now, only have to google it.. and there it all is, at your fingertips..
so when I did, what I read did not help make me feel any better about this...

we will not find out about the results until Thursday... and I am still praying that these spots might be just scarring due to bronchitis.. I am praying that my mother would not have to go through the painful experience of dealing with secondary lung cancer..

I have experienced loss before, and as much as I have come to appreciate what God has done in me and through me because of it, I cannot fathom to see my mother suffer and  to ultimately have to say Good bye to her.....

my only hope is that she will meet my Jesus while she is still with us, nothing has ever been more important to me.... she said next time I will sing at Carnegie Hall she would like to come along.... that would be amazing.. :)

..heavenly praises lifted to the Lord..@Carnegie Hall..

it's now a little over 48 hours ago that we were lining up to make our way onto the stage at Carnegie Hall, New York.....

I am still not sure how to describe it... all of us that had the privilege to be part of this performance agreed that it is something that will always stay with us.. and not just like a memory, but more like something that has imprinted itself onto our core... our soul.... our heart....

the day before, Friday, David Hamilton had the task to work with this choir that consisted of 285 members, he spent six and a half hours that day to get us all on his page... all had prepared, some on their own, as me, others had come with their entire choir, and had had the chance to learn their parts in regular choir rehearsals...

it was amazing how this gifted man brought the best out of us, with his kindness and grace he was able to fine tune this "instrument"....

Michael W Smith and  his wonderful wife Debbie had welcomed us in the morning, Debbie even shared and read a devotion and Michael prayed..
he later joined us for an hour in the afternoon to work on a few pieces and this alone was out of this world..

Saturday came, and with it the dress rehearsal... the full orchestra playing, being on stage at Carnegie Hall was quite something... working on technical things and feeling quite overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all.. overwhelmed in a good way that is......

a short little hour to get ready, and back in the rehearsal room, to line up to go on stage..........

from there, it all was heavenly... with everything working out perfectly and emotions running high... lifting beautiful music to the Lord, souls resonating with the praises our voices were bringing before Him... an audience of 3400 people touched by how great our God really is.........
magnificent surroundings, acoustics  and skills all blending together creating an atmosphere of worship like I have never experienced before.......

giving thanks to Him, who makes all these things possible for us, giving Him all the glory obviously.. it always has been, is and will always be to His glory alone.. #SoliDeoGloria

..personal encounters with God ( and Michael W Smith :)

This is the day that The Lord has made... I will rejoice and be glad in it.. This is the day of the concert at Carnegie Hall. I definitely am rejoicing and being glad in it.

Rehearsing for 6 hours yesterday with Michael W Smith joining us for a few songs, David Hamilton teaching and conducting us.... wow. ... that in itself was amazing enough...

reiterating for me the truth that The Lord blesses me above and beyond anything I could ever dream of...  in turn we will today lift up His praises and sing about His Glory to an audience of over 2000 people... this humble man of God, Michael W Smith got all teary eyed yesterday when talking about that we do not know what God is planning to do through this concert... that this might even be the day of Salavation for some, encountering God for the first time..

Oh Sovereign Lord of the Universe, who are we that you are mindful of us..... Your love knows no boundaries, your blessings flow freely right into our hearts, souls and minds...

all to Jesus I will surrender today and every day....

Praying fervently for my mother and all the people God has placed on my heart, trusting Him for knowing what is best and for having a perfect plan... I know He will surprise us again and again....

can't wait to see how the day will unfold.. To Him alone be the Glory forever and ever. Amen!

life is fragile: CT Scans and Concerts...

2 years ago, because my mother was so sick, I went to Switzerland three times, always with Air Canada and that's why sometime last year I got some kind of a preferred status and with that a few guest passes for the Air Canada Lounge.... So today, with an Air Canada Boarding pass in my hands I was given access to this place.... used to hang out here a lot when I was still allowed to participate in the privileges my husband enjoyed....

Anyways.. Nice to sit comfortably, get a free drink and snack while waiting for my flight that will take me to this place and experience that I am anticipating to be as close to heaven as one can get here... Actually paid for the ticket with points collected on these flights to Switzerland as well..


when talking to my mother who called for my birthday yesterday I found out that some suspicious spots have been found when conducting a routine CT Scan 2 days ago..... not good... Good thing is I was planning to go and visit her in March anyways...

lying in bed last night praying for my mother I was thinking about what this all could mean.. It makes my heart cringe and want to shrivel away with fear of what could happen... I am no saint and even though my faith is strong and my trust in God is bigger than it ever was, I still get frightened when I think of the way this could work itself out...

praying that He will comfort her as she is waiting to get more conclusive tests done and that He will be at work in her heart and prepare her soul to finally receive what my Jesus has for her...

this time when I see her I will sit her down with my bible and show her the gospel in black and white... facing the reality of losing my mother is horrible and I do not want to go there, facing it knowing we will be able to spend eternity together with make it a more bearable reality....

my God is good, my God is faithful, my God is strong, my God is faithful!!!
shall focus on that..... as I will get a glimpse of what that eternity will look like as I am privileged to take part in this concert at Carnegie Hall!

Concert @ Carnegie Hall = Foretaste of Heaven

since practising the music for the concert at Carnegie Hall in NYC, I have been reminded just how much I love the sound of harmonies.. the tenors, altos, sopranos and basses...
I do miss singing in a choir.. such joy to be part of something that harmonious..

I love music, I love classical music, I love the sound of a full orchestra.. there is such variety and the way it all works together has something ...

I think it resonates with my soul because there is such beauty to it, it has order, it is inspired, it is so intricately put together, I think it is safe to say it shows us a little of what God is all about..

singing songs that worship Him definitely enhances that feeling..
thinking back to my years in elementary school, Grades 1 - 4, singing in the choir, cute little children's songs and German folk music to my experience of being in the choir in my High school ( Grade 5-13) performing more classical pieces and then the last few years playing my violin in the orchestra..

it has always made my heart sing.... trying to get my head around the concert on Saturday, full orchestra, a choir made up of 300 men and women, singing Michael W Smith songs with him playing the piano and singing as well.........

sounds to me like something that will happen on a regular basis in heaven.. but here on earth?? and I am part of it..

so thankful for Michael and his team for coming up with an idea like this and opening it up to someone like me, so thankful I am able to take part in it, that my children are old enough to be on their own, that I can save up enough to pay for the travel cost and have capable wonderful women taking over for me at Hope for Life....

texting my friend Mary who is sharing the room with me, asking her if she thinks we will be able to sleep, she texted back : NO... and I think she is right on... too cool and too exciting..

so no matter the bad news I received today.. no matter the reminder of some ongoing hurt and difficulty, no matter that there is pain and trouble all around, He, the God of the Universe has something amazing in store for me and all my fellow Choir members and friends... we are going to Praise Him with all our hearts, souls and voices..... really hoping it will be pleasing to Him.. :)

....Singles Excluded...

time this morning with my Jesus, letting His Word sink in, drawing close to Him, feeling loved and assured of my value.. who I am, not because of my accomplishments, my connections, my status or my possessions.. not because I am the mother of 3 beautiful daughters and not because I am the daughter of my parents, not because of the things I did right and the things I did wrong,  but just because of Him who made me and loves me..

going to church on a blustery day, when the warmth and the coziness of my bed were so tempting, being led into worship by this great Worship Pastor, who is just as a Worship Pastor should be, humble and willing to draw near to God... leading with a quiet strength that amazes me when considering his age....
worshipping and being filled with this love for Him.. this was, like always the best place for me to be...

and then... announcements. and like last week, an announcement about the Marriage seminar coming up right after Valentine's Day........

hmmmmmm.... have felt it last year when a similar event was announced and offered... an event that in the past I would have been one of the first one's to sign up for.. my Ex husband was always willing to go to these weekends.. no arm twisting needed..

an event that I am now excluded from, I am not in a marriage or even a relationship leading up to one... a Dinner a day after Valentine's Day.. I rather not think about that...

thinking about the last Marriage class my then still husband and I went to together, remembering how discouraging it was to see that we were basically beyond help... so sad and so frustrating...

better off???? well, in a way it doesn't even matter... because, it is my reality.. I am aware that there always have been people and always will be people that will be excluded from certain events.. I am okay with that..
I am sad, but I am okay, I am valued and loved and I don't need to be at a marriage seminar to feel significant.... Valentine's Day is just one other day the candy industry is pushing, and I shouldn't have chocolates anyways... will have to be intentional  about planning something for that day...

great sermon about the Love God has for us.. challenged to make sure my heart is in the right place... I think it is... really looking forward to seeing Him face to face when the time comes..

because, this is what IS MY REALITY TOO:

You reach beyond imagination

With a love outside of understanding.

You touch the lives of all Your children,

With beauty and goodness.

You know my words before they’re spoken.

You hear each cry, my every passion.

You draw me close and lead me into

Your beauty and goodness.

Wonderful, intimate, beautiful,

God of Love

You’ve always been faithful in

The way that You father me

Our God is good,

Our God is faithful,

Our God is strong,

Our God is able.

Thanks be to Him forever and ever. Amen

..yeah I love him... duh.....

this is a great morning... didn't have to rush out in the freezing cold, working out at 11am instead of 6:45 am today!!!! Praise God for Fridays!!!!!!!


lying in my cozy bed I was telling my Jesus how much I love Him, and this is what came to my mind...

when we first started going to my church about 15 years ago (wow time flies when you are having fun)
the pastor came to visit us at home..

my husband was not a Christian at the time and that apparently was obvious to him, I have heard him tell the story a few times since, how he could tell from what I said that I loved the Lord...

thinking about this "duh... I only had searched for Him for 30 years.. and had finally found Him" so for sure I LOVED Him and you could tell..

my gratitude and awe and willingness to follow and try really hard to be obedient to His Word comes from understanding almost 19 years ago that He died FOR ME... not just randomly for the world, like I was taught in my religious classes in school in Germany... not for me because I accepted it graciously when I found out about it that Sunday in June 1994... but for me because He thought of me when He was hanging on the cross...  this is what He prayed before He was arrested :


Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
 Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them. ( John 17:24-26 )

I had searched for Him, never being satisfied by anything any other religion or " New Age" belief could have offered.. all those things seemed appealing at first but never could satisfy the longing in my heart... I had loved Him and read my children's Bible long before I ever heard that tremendous truth... He died for me PERSONALLY... I had been elated to earn sweet little Memory Verse cards at my Nursery School for memorizing a verse..

"lasset die Kinder zu mir kommen and wehret ihnen nicht, den ihrer ist das Reich Gottes..."
 “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” ( Matthew 19:14 ) just popped into my head from way back when...

so, yes, I love Him, I love Him with an all consuming love, what a love story this is, eh????
My Jesus ROCKS!!!!

.. made Himself nothing....

about time for me to get serious about the concert coming up a week from Saturday... so I finally downloaded the few songs I am not that familiar with to practise singing them...

this is one of them:

ANCIENT WORDS

Holy words long preserved 

For our walk in this world,

Oh let the ancient words impart

Courage, peace, a loving heart.

Words of Life, words of Hope

Give us strength, help us cope

In this world, where e'er we roam

Ancient words will guide us Home.

Ancient words ever true

Changing me, and changing you.

We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart

Holy words of our Faith

Handed down to this age.

Came to us through sacrifice

Oh heed the faithful words of Christ.

Holy words long preserved

For our walk in this world.

Courage, peace, a loving heart

Oh let the ancient words impart.

Ancient words ever true

Changing me, and changing you.

We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart

Lovvvveeeeee this... what a wonderful song ... courage, peace, a loving heart.. giving us hope, strength and help us cope.. the ANCIENT WORDS, able to change us and impart all these things at any given time.. given to us through Christ's sacrifice.. Christ, the Word who became flesh and dwelled among us..  

..Who, being in very nature God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

 but made himself nothing,

    taking the very nature of a servant,

    being made in human likeness.

 And being found in appearance as a man,

    he humbled himself

    and became obedient to death—

        even death on a cross!

 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

    and gave him the name that is above every name,

 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

    to the glory of God the Father. 

( Philippians 2: 6-11)

preparing to participate as a member of the choir at Carnegie Hall with Michael W Smith and his band and Orchestra, I am so blessed to be imparting God's truth through the songs chosen..

May it all be to the Glory of Him who saved us!!!!!

... He guards my heart with a jealous love...

so.. back at square one again... but, I have learned something new....

being divorced against your will.. not easy... knew that before...

having been on my own for 3 years I have gotten used to it and adjusted well I think..

have come to appreciate certain elements of being single, still some I do not like..

know that God alone will be the One to orchestrate a match... ( it is far too complicated to figure this out by oneself )

still thought that I could / should "orchestrate" the "meeting"... as if, as my great friend today said to me "God didn't know my address or something???? " hilarious...

trusting Him to know who I am, because He made me, and how that "match" would look... how come I can't trust Him for the where and when and how .. and IF.... this will happen..

another step to take on my journey. trusting Him more.. like another friend of mine told me she is praying for me: "that I would no longer seek.."

so, to be a witness for how great my God is, and that I so desire to please Him and love Him and serve Him, I will, by His strength, try to stay away from any "means" to seek for a potential mate...

He does indeed know my address and I think He can easily bring this man, if there is one, into my path in some way..

like my pastor ( shepherd :) just told me recently... Jesus, who is my husband, and the lover of my soul, jealously guards my heart and it has to be He who gives it away to the right one...

okay.. now I said it.. 

it's all good.. because God is good.. He has given me 3 daughters, wonderful friends, a great church and a calling on top of it.. blessings galore... I am thankful and I will try to rest in this..... :)

.."The Faithful" deserve blessing??????? :O

was talking to two of my very lovely volunteers at Hope for Life yesterday...
sharing my life with them is such a privilege .. I am blessed by their heart for the ministry and the friendship we all have been developing..

so when talking about what has been going on in the last few weeks, this was one thing I shared with these wonderful ladies...


people might see you in a certain light and admire you for how you are serving God and for your faith that seems so strong...

they might even know about your downfalls and shortcomings ( if you are open and authentic with them obviously :) but to say, like somebody said to me, that I deserved to be blessed by God because I am so faithful is just SOOOOOOO wrong..

if I, by God's grace I was going to be able to live the way He tells me to from now on, He would still NOT OWE me anything....

when I was an enemy of Christ He died for me, He saved me.... I didn't deserve that, this is obvious...
I was dead in my transgressions and there was nothing I could bring to the table because even what might have been decent in me was all from Him... after all, He had put me together in my mother's womb, He had a purpose for my life and His hand of protection that was on me all along, prevented me from sinning and going astray even more than I did...

He gave me the gift of eternal life with Him, not because of anything I have done but because of WHO HE IS....
He chose me before the beginning of the world to be His child ... I will never be able to get my head around that one...

so, my feeble attempts to please Him by trying to live according to His Will and praise Him and worship Him and follow Him could NEVER earn me the right to be blessed by Him even more..

He will bless me, He blesses me each day in many different ways and I am thankful that I can see His love in action this way... but I do not deserve it..

if my life would be 100% misery from now until He takes me home that would be okay with me...
He has already given me so much more than I could ever deserve...
The Glory and the Gratitude and the Blessing and the CONTROL of everything is His forever. AMEN

....discipline and selfish "Body Fat"...

this morning my trainer made me weigh in ... and I was happy to hear that one lbs of "Christmas Body Fat" had been transformed into "Lean tissue / muscle" in just 5 days...

not bad, then again I have worked out 3 times during those 5 days and moved gazillions of books from the warehouse to the truck to my garage and upstairs.. took boxes of things we didn't need anymore after organizing and purging the contents of my basement, to Goodwill.. lot's of "work out" lifting heavy boxes and going up and down the stairs a million times..

it was hard work.. and it led to transformation...
made me think of the purpose statement of my church since last year : " being transformed to be transformational..."

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."( Romans 12:2 )

we are being transformed by the renewing of our mind... pretty cool, ... our minds need to be renewed, even though this is true:" Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" ( 2 Corinthians 5:17 ) we still need to replace wrong thoughts, lies we have believed with the Truth, the Word of God....

like any transformation, this too takes discipline and hard work... like getting up early to go to the gym  for the fatty stuff to become lean muscle, I need to train my mind for renewal to happen there...

discipline and hard work, a prerequisite for patterns of behaviour and thinking to be changed...
scheduling time for my work out I cannot forget to schedule my time to allow for the Word to sink into my mind and transform it... I need to spend the time necessary for the truth to impact my mind and my heart, for me to be transformed into the likeness of Christ... and I need to do it consistently..

if my selfish "fatty" tissue stands in the way of me being transformational than I have to get myself in shape... I  personally have been practising the sinking into a passage of scripture for many years now, I have come to love and cherish the time I have with my Jesus, I hear from Him and I know Him, the transformation happens in His time and under His total control.. He brings to mind things and challenges me.. he won't let go until I surrender... sweet surrender to my loving Father, my Daddy.. to the Lover of my Soul.. my Jesus..

work out at the gym is fun and as much as I would rather not get up sometimes I do like doing it.. I love the transformation... the spiritual workout is a discipline as well, I have grown to love it though and it is something I cannot live without.. PRAISE BE TO HIM!!!

not all things beautiful in His time??????

 listening to a very old Christian song... very old because I listened to this when I first had become a Christian.. we sang it  at the Women's Bible Studies I went to back then ... :)

in His time, in His time, He makes all things beautiful in His time... Lord my life to you I bring, may each song I have to sing, be to you a lovely thing, in Your time....

I have trusted Him to make all things beautiful in His time since I first met Him..

so as I am listening and praying and thinking I am evaluating my faith... oh how much more I understand today what this means.. how many different facets of "beautiful" become a reality in a relationship with Him..

I am sure I was hoping and praying for my marriage to become a happier place for all of us, sometimes it looked like it, but ultimately this "thing", my marriage, never became a beautiful thing....

has He made even the break-up of this "thing" beautiful through His presence with me throughout my deepest despair? yes. has He allowed me to come to a different understanding what "beautiful" is? yes.
has He shown me things I never knew before? like how it feels to be held by Him, when all around me was shattered? yes. has He showed me more and more who He is, how beautiful He is, and how much He loves me? yes..
has He changed my perspective of what to long for and expect and hope for while here on earth? yes.
has He taught me to fix my eyes on what is eternal and not on what is temporal? yaha!

another hope for something to become beautiful, thinking maybe the time was now, didn't come true.. do I still trust Him? you can be sure of that.. I trust that His beautiful is worth all the ashes and brokenness around me...

makes me think about my mother, who I was sharing this with.. how heaven will be this amazing place, if we are indeed reconciled to God... remember her saying that this was all nice and dandy, but that she also wanted things to be beautiful here...  too bad she was and still is missing out on the truth... that even though some things never become "beautiful" by the world's standards while here on earth, the beauty lies in knowing God Himself.. because He is more beautiful than gold or silver, more precious than any "white-picked-fence idea of happiness" we can come up with...

oh yes, even though some of the things I was trusting God to make beautiful in His time will never be made beautiful because of choices of others, He indeed continues to make all things beautiful for me..
Praise be to the Lord!!!

a cake walk.. if only...

at my small group last night I finally took a second to jot down the  4  themes for blogposts I should write about last week's passage....


pretty intense I would say...

there is much going on in my life right now, but that comes as no surprise..

decisions to be made, hopes filed away as not fulfilled ( and that is followed by sadness ), something great to look forward to
( performing on the stage of Carnegie Hall with Michael W Smith, yaha ), followed by something AWFUL to take place a month after, clients struggling with huge issues, my heart breaking for them... and so it goes on...

...back to the challenges God gave me in last week's passage ..it speaks about being Christ's ambassador...

We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 

( 2 Corinthians 5:20 )

huge task... well, He never calls without also equipping... so we don't have to get freaked out.. and yet.. what does it mean... an ambassador is a representative, we are called to represent Christ to the world, the people around us, and make His appeal to them to be reconciled to Him...

this ties in with what has been my motto for a long time ( and my first tattoo ;)  SOLI DEO GLORIA

to God ALONE be the Glory...

living life to bring glory to God, representing Him well, in ALL circumstances... all of a sudden I realized that I had so far not even grasped how huge this is... all circumstances, every moment of every day, in every situation, relating with anyone..hmmmm,  me being impatient, annoyed or critical? definitely failed to bring glory to God in those moments.. 

how are we ever supposed to get that one down??? there is no chance  for me, out of my own strength to ever be able to do this... for that kind of transformation to happen I definitely have to walk closely with the Lord and enjoy His fellowship at all times, I have to be immersed in His Word for a meaningful time each day and focus my eyes on Him... I have to be in communion with Him, allowing Him to guide my every move, approve every word I say...

the good news is that this is going to be easy peasy once we are in Heaven... 

for sure God is not setting us up to fail... all He requires of us is to draw near to Him... that is a decision we have to make every single day... it flows from there, He teaches, rebukes and corrects through His Word and through the work of the Holy Spirit  we are increasingly transformed into His likeness.. being a representative of Him will be a cake walk then... :)

boring and opinionated.. talks to herself :S

I guess I am just a boring, narrow minded woman... I am opinionated and talk to myself.. I am not young anymore but also not real old yet            ( opinions about that differ, considering that on my birthday almost 10 years ago my youngest daughter, then 6 years old stated that I was NOW OLD :(   oh well)
I am boring because I do not ever come up with New Years Resolutions, ( I believe we should always strive to be better ) I don't like watching shows about how celebrities live.. I am not that interested in the news.. I have beliefs that go against what is cool to believe in these days, actually, I like to spend all my energy on helping women to make life affirming decisions.. I am not politically correct at all... I am just plain weird..

I believe that God does exist and that He is in control of all things, I believe He deserves to be served and worshipped, I even believe that this is why we are here ...

I believe also that only through what His Son Jesus ( fully man and fully God )  did on the cross
 ( which was giving His life as a sacrifice for our sins ) we can be right with God and spent eternity with Him.

I believe that we should not engage in sex before marriage and that getting drunk is not a good idea. I believe that being kind and patient and giving is better than mean, impatient and greedy :)

I believe that God in His love for us has a specific purpose for each one of us, while here on earth.
I am pretty sure that this purpose is not to selfishly pursue my personal happiness at any cost.. I am sure He has a lot more for us than that..

I know that even when things don't work out in our lives, when we get hurt and disappointed, when dreams are crushed and sickness strikes, when we are rejected and things are just miserable, that the plans God has for us are to prosper ( make things better overall )  and not to harm us... that those plans actually are to give us a hope and a future..

I know that He wants to be close to us, He wants to lead us and guide us,  I know that when He gave His Son He did so, because His love for us is SO HUGE... He wants us to understand that without Him we can do nothing but with Him all things are possible.. every good and perfect gift comes from God, if we realize it or not....

He wants us to rely on Him and to trust Him.. He wants to be enough for us... that we do not need more money, or to be more popular, to have a title or great vacation plans...

and, He wants to bless us, beyond what we could ever imagine...

so, I am narrow minded... I am boring, I am definitely opinionated.. I am not in or hip.. I am NOT politically correct at all,  I am far from perfect, and I am not judging anyone, neither does my Father in Heaven.. my hearts desire is for y'all to know Him as your closest friend... because there is no one like Him....

I would never give Him up just to fit in with the world around me.... so there!!!!