open hands... NEW BLOG... First post :)

there is intense percolating happening in my brain at any given moment, percolating that takes writing thoughts and ideas down in order to figure out what it is that He, the author and perfecter of my faith is trying to teach me, digging deeper and deeper into who He is and who, consequently, I am..

a daughter of God the Father, the King of kings, set into this time in “his story” to despite herself and all her shortcomings, bring glory to Him, I am to represent Him well and shine His light, so that others can be see Him and be encouraged..

He, who never will give up on me, and oh I am so thankful for that ( I would have given up on me a long time ago if I was the parent ) has been busy lately taking me on a new path, a deeper and more profound one and so I decided to abandon my blog of the last 3 years and start afresh…surrenderedobedience.com

“Forget the former things

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19

many changes, good ones and not so good ones have driven me even more into the presence of my Abba Father, my Daddy, and He is, faithfully, taking off layer after layer .. allowing me to see more clearly what a life totally abandoned to Him looks like.

my hands had to be pried open a few times, realizing that when I hold to tightly to what I do not want to let go, if my fists stay closed, stubbornly, I also lose out on what blessings He is wanting me to receive..

so it has been a time of opening those fists, holding the things that are so dear to me losely, looking to Him and learning that what He has planned for me to receive is indeed worth losing what I have had and may have to let go..

so bear with me if you may, as I sometimes might be limping , other times maybe skipping along with my Saviour, Jesus, the Lover of my soul… He has me at the edge of my seat most of the time, there is never a dull moment with Him.. He is true to what He promised.. He has come to give life and give it to the full.. it never ceases to amaze me..

.. not staying in the pit.. no way....

" In Your name I come alive. To declare your victory. The resurrecting Kind is resurrecting me"

read this this morning and it was as if God summed up all He had been telling me over the last few days.

you see, on Sunday evening I faced, even though I had hoped and prayed and had others praying, one of the nightmares I so wanted to not have to go through..

and afterwards, this feeble, frightened little girl did what she always does... she fell... deep into the pit of fear and anxiety and even though she knows her Heavenly Father and that His plans are to prosper and not to harm and to give hope and a future.. even though she has seen Him take things that others or just circumstances have meant for evil and turn it around into something so good... she just fell right in..

good thing I was listening to some uplifting hymns already .. good thing I have quite a few scriptures addressing fear and trust and such memorized and good thing I can pray...  but I still remained... in the pit..

yesterday, Thursday, while driving I once again was asking God why it was that I had such a hard time believing that things will work out just fine.. and it dawned on me.. ( again.. duh ) I just don't expect anything to go well for me.. for others, for sure, but for me... not so much..

shocked that I am still doing this I asked God what I could do and why and all that.....
thinking it through and talking it through I was up again early pondering all that's hiding deep inside that frightened little feeble heart of mine..

 there is the void an absent and volatile, sometimes abusive father would have left... where there should have been security and love..
there are hopes that have been lost...
and there is such heartache on so many levels maybe that makes one easy prey for the evil one who just wants me in that pit... so I can't be out there glorifying my God..

ha... and that's what He said to me right there and then...
it's a choice.
I can stand on the truth that I know to be true.
because when it all comes down to the bottom line, this is what it is:

the power and mind of Jesus is mine.
the resurrected King is in me.
He is resurrecting me again and again, because when I am weak, He is strong.
He is glorified by me falling and Him lifting me out.. putting me back on my feet and giving me the strength to face my tomorrows.. no matter how scary they might be...

it's nothing new, but I needed to hear it.
He is blessing me in so many ways. and yes, the struggle is real, like one of my daughters is so fond of saying, it is real. and it is hard. but not too hard for my Jesus and I...

so, since it is all about Him and His glory.... He came through and resurrected me, lifted me up, gave me new life and new courage and new hope...

in His time He will make all things beautiful
and that's not just my hope, I know that for a fact.