.. not staying in the pit.. no way....

" In Your name I come alive. To declare your victory. The resurrecting Kind is resurrecting me"

read this this morning and it was as if God summed up all He had been telling me over the last few days.

you see, on Sunday evening I faced, even though I had hoped and prayed and had others praying, one of the nightmares I so wanted to not have to go through..

and afterwards, this feeble, frightened little girl did what she always does... she fell... deep into the pit of fear and anxiety and even though she knows her Heavenly Father and that His plans are to prosper and not to harm and to give hope and a future.. even though she has seen Him take things that others or just circumstances have meant for evil and turn it around into something so good... she just fell right in..

good thing I was listening to some uplifting hymns already .. good thing I have quite a few scriptures addressing fear and trust and such memorized and good thing I can pray...  but I still remained... in the pit..

yesterday, Thursday, while driving I once again was asking God why it was that I had such a hard time believing that things will work out just fine.. and it dawned on me.. ( again.. duh ) I just don't expect anything to go well for me.. for others, for sure, but for me... not so much..

shocked that I am still doing this I asked God what I could do and why and all that.....
thinking it through and talking it through I was up again early pondering all that's hiding deep inside that frightened little feeble heart of mine..

 there is the void an absent and volatile, sometimes abusive father would have left... where there should have been security and love..
there are hopes that have been lost...
and there is such heartache on so many levels maybe that makes one easy prey for the evil one who just wants me in that pit... so I can't be out there glorifying my God..

ha... and that's what He said to me right there and then...
it's a choice.
I can stand on the truth that I know to be true.
because when it all comes down to the bottom line, this is what it is:

the power and mind of Jesus is mine.
the resurrected King is in me.
He is resurrecting me again and again, because when I am weak, He is strong.
He is glorified by me falling and Him lifting me out.. putting me back on my feet and giving me the strength to face my tomorrows.. no matter how scary they might be...

it's nothing new, but I needed to hear it.
He is blessing me in so many ways. and yes, the struggle is real, like one of my daughters is so fond of saying, it is real. and it is hard. but not too hard for my Jesus and I...

so, since it is all about Him and His glory.... He came through and resurrected me, lifted me up, gave me new life and new courage and new hope...

in His time He will make all things beautiful
and that's not just my hope, I know that for a fact.