truth is only God knows when we will leave this earth.
it could be any minute for each of us...
this new awareness is that indeed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, our days are numbered..
if you have been diagnosed with a secondary cancer in your lungs, it is obvious that you cannot keep on pretending you are never going to die.. you cannot ignore that one day, life here on earth will come to an end..
I cannot pretend anymore that I will not have to deal with my mother, who I love and have loved from when I was growing in her womb, passing away..
I cannot just not look at it because it breaks my heart even imagining it... how that will be..
it has been a fear I had from when I was really young... whenever my mother wouldn't be home at the time she had told us, I was afraid.. I remember not being able to sleep at all when my mother ( and my two little daughters) would be flying to Germany without me ( didn't happen often, but it did ) I remember thinking then, and this was before I was saved, that I would not be able to live anymore if these three were not around anymore..
since then, my God has taken away my fears, and this was a huge one.. so thankful for that..
but still, with this, I am sure it will happen, still don't know when, but it is not just some notion that there is death, a passing away, a passing over from here to eternity, either with God or without, it is a fact, a reality, an awareness..
God is good, He is faithful, He has promised peace no matter the circumstances and there is peace...
and yet... this awareness...
walking around with it is strange.. it really is, it is sad, and there is this part of me that cries out to Him .. only with one word.. and that is NO.....
when my oldest daughter was just one year old I met a woman, whose son was the same age.. we became friends and I found out that she had lost 2 of her siblings and both her parents, each one of them through very different, yet all very tragic circumstances...
I remember not being able to fathom how life was for her... that was almost 24 years ago.........
God has been good to me, to my family..... and He will continue to be good.. faithful, loving and caring.. if only my Mama would know Him personally, if only she could just hide in His arms...
this is my fervent, desperate prayer... Please save her Lord... from an eternity without you.... PLEASE!!!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus ( Philippians 4: 6+7 )
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