... self absorbed and DENSE....

trying to imagine how this Heavenly Father of mine is feeling right now... ( about me, that is..)

truth is, He has always "fathered" me well, much better than well........
truth is, He has been there with me, held me, comforted me, blessed me beyond what anyone could ever wish for and imagine..

and here I am.....
His beloved child...
He saved my mother not even 2 weeks ago... allowed me to be the one to lead her to Him...
He has given me a ministry that fulfills me..
He has blessed me with beautiful daughters..
He has given me sweet friends, caring about me and loving me...

and yet..
a stupid, man made day, 10 days ago, ( yes, I am talking about Valentine's Day) a marriage seminar at my church, memories and realities that were a bit more in my face than usually..... okay, and grey, cold and ugly weather... a cold house..

and here I am...
depressed, sad, searching for what I think I need to have.... taking my eyes of Him...

how horribly DENSE.... self absorbed and plain STUPID.... please forgive my language..

I cannot find what God does not have for me... I cannot force or control or manipulate what is not His plan, and in a way, I am soooooooooo thankful for that... because, can you imagine the disaster???????

there is a reason the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE is the One who controls all things... even the "little detail" that makes me all depressed right now...

it's because He knows best... so there... thankful it is Sunday and I can go to church soon, worship Him, take my eyes of myself and focus on what is really important... a prayer meeting tonite as well... good planning Lord, I know you know what you are doing :)

Praise be to the Lord,

    for he has heard my cry for mercy.

 The Lord is my strength and my shield;

    my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy

    and I will give thanks to him in song.

 The Lord is the strength of his people,

    a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Psalm 28:6-8