after the last bump / hurdle / nightmare happened on Wednesday I contemplated for a second not going to the retreat ... my default reaction to turmoil is to hide from these kind of events..
I do seek out the one on one, but groups, as fun as they can be, seem a little too much when faced with such adversity..
thankfully during my walk with my Saviour I have learned, that He has me where He has me, when He has me there, for a reason :)
and so I did not entertain this thought for more than a second..
after an evening and a morning session with the speaker I already know that , once again, the author and perfecter of my faith is just so marvellously amazing in how He leads, guides and works things out for his children...
I have taken tons of notes and have had a few great revelations from God, I have had affirmations about things He is doing and I have been deeply blessed..
my body is revolting, and so I am just using the free time to let this run it's course because come hell or high water I am going to be at the evening session tonite and at the one tomorrow morning..
His spirit is here with us and I want to take in whatever it is He has for me..
as a young child I was lying in bed thinking there had to be more to life than what it looked like to me when observing what was going on... searching everywhere I had prayed for 6 months that He would please show me what it was, that I was missing..until He finally revealed Himself to me and the fact that there was a relationship with Him to be had....
since this happened 18 years and 3 months ago the longing for even more has been the driving force behind my drawing closer and closer to Him...
suffering throughout my life has made me long for that "well loved soul of a child" the state of being before things were done to me that were wrong, before I made wrong choices... this place, when He, before the foundation of the World already chose me to be His, when he fashioned me in the depth of the earth, when I was knit together in my mother's womb... no matter how broken my heart and my soul was, I always knew there had to be that secure place of being.. this place where I was loved, safe and valued...where my arrival was anticipated and welcomed ..
deep in my soul, I remembered, I remember... I know... I feel and am more sure of now than ever before, that my Heavenly Father is loving me this way... is excited to walk with me.. has this close relationship with me..
and in it, the broken pieces of my heart, the rubble is cleared away, I am reclaimed and restored..
it is all about intimacy... the speaker gave it a "new twist" by breaking the word down this way:
into - me - see..... now how cool is that...
this is, at least for me, what it is all about... the longing to be seen, deep inside, to know and to be known, by God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit, the Counselor...
longing to be known and to know the people close to me, my children, my friends and the ones the Lord brings into my life to minister to..
just recently I have been allowed to meet this man, this friend of mine... and this is what we are doing.. into me he sees.... and he lets me see into him.... together we can be known and know Jesus..
pretty cool I would say..... :)
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