..Jesus, hold me now, I long for your embrace #CastingCrowns

driving for a while this afternoon, this song came up on my iTunes.. haven't heard it in a while.. but, like it works so very often, this part of the lyrics just resonated with me immensely...

Jesus, hold me now 

I need to feel You in this place 

To know You’re by my side 

And hear Your voice tonight 

Jesus, hold me now 

I long for Your embrace 

I’m beat and broken down 

I can’t find my way out 

Jesus, hold me now

listened to this almost constantly 3 years ago.... it was a time of relying on Jesus for every little breath I took... beat and broken down I was... raw and hurting all the time...

almost 4 years after one of my worst nightmares happened, I am not in this place anymore...

Jesus, who I pleaded with over and over again has been near to me, has led me through the path of healing and has bound up my broken heart... 

today, like so many days though, I am still holding on and crying out for dear life.... I guess a life of total dependence on God, a life lived in humility, includes heartache and brokenness on some level at all times......

often have I thought how nice it would be to get a little break.. but then it always dawns on me... what some call my passion and contagious love for Christ wouldn't be what it is, were it not for that desperate dependence on Him...

facing some health issues, nothing totally new, just a new level of it, I am made aware that the spiritual /emotional root of those issues is that deep down inside I am still a fearful little girl... God has been so faithful to free me from so many of my fears, and I am eternally grateful for that.. I had to pray and in tears confess to Him today, that on this very deep level I am still not quite trusting Him......

and there it was... this song.. and as I was praying and crying and pouring out my heart to Him once again, I was singing along, like I have so many times...

Jesus, hold me now

I need to feel You in this place

To know You’re by my side

And hear Your voice tonight

Jesus, hold me now

I long for Your embrace

I’m beat and broken down

I can’t find my way out

Jesus, hold me now

the wonderful part is that He never hesitates to come right to my side, hold me tight to Himself, and the little girl can finally put her head down on His shoulder again, letting herself sink into His embrace...... heal those layers of my soul you are exposing now, Lord... no one cares the way you do.............