.. I CAN make that choice.....

have been thinking and praying and talking so much about leading a victorious life lately..
living out the reality that the Spirit is inhabiting my body, that He enables me to become more and more like Christ,  that I have been born again,that I am a new person, the old has gone, that I am forgiven and set free,  that I can choose to fix my eyes on Jesus and I can rely on Him to give me peace and joy at all times..that  I don't need to be afraid, because if God is for me, who can be against me......

that is very cool, it really is...

I am thankful for having been under solid Christian teaching for almost 16 years, for strong relationships with godly friends, for an amazing mentor, who is so committed to following Jesus that following her always is a tremendous inspiration........

a discussion about living this way at my Small Group this week reminded me once again that even though this is all true and it is all about standing firm on the truth, no matter how I feel at any given time... this does not mean it is easy...

it only means it is a choice... still have to make that one... again and again and again...

the thing to be thankful for is that I do have a choice, that I know about that choice, that because of what Jesus has done I CAN make that choice... again and again and again...

and then, there is God, who blesses us when we do...... sitting here late tonite I kind of felt a little sad for myself... and there He was, blessing me through a friend telling me about what this special little girl in my life has said.... made me cry, made my heart overflow with gratitude... to be loved... what a blessing that is.... undeserved... like the grace extended to me by my Saviour... who chose to give His life so that I could choose... to stand on the truth ...

this is my desire

to honor you

Lord with all my heart, 

I worship you.

 with all I have within me, I give you praise, 

all that I adore is in you.....

Lord I give you my heart, 

I give you my soul, 

I live for YOU ALONE... 

Lord have your way in me...

it's a choice!

.. Keep in step with the Spirit....

last week, my computer crashed.. I attempted to install the newest software update for Mac and there was some corrupted data on my hard drive....

long story short, the problem was solved by one very smart and friendly Computer geek and my "life as I know it and NEED it to function" was restored to me..

what was gone was all my playlists on iTunes and since I have been so very busy I have not been able to set them all up again...

I am a bit annoying to my dependants ( the one left with me tells me that) because I always have favourite songs and I listen to them over and over again, hence the playlists....

so with none so far, I have just been listening to random songs on my iTunes... and this is my point for today :) sorry it took so long to get there...
this is what came up yesterday... and you can believe it... it is on repeat right now :)

I'm in the river that flows from your throne

Water of Life

Water of Life

It Covers me and I breath again

Your love is breath to my soul

I can hear Your voice as You sing over me

It's Your song of Hope breathing life into me

I can feel Your touch as I come close to You

And it heals my heart

You restore and renew

"I can hear your voice" by MWS

reading the book "Forgotten God" right now, this song struck me in a much different way then before...

I am in the river... resonated with my soul because I am finally paying attention to the "forgotten God" the Holy Spirit, real person, one of the three, Father, Son and Holy Spirit... the One I have neglected..

I am in the river... the Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, is in me..... He is there to empower me, not for my own gain but to know Him more... to surrender to Him more, to submit to Him better and to be more like He is...

so when I was on my way to a rather difficult meeting yesterday I prayed to Him, the Holy Spirit and I asked Him to fill me, to permeate every last little corner in my soul.. to take over and to strip me of myself, all the stuff I am still holding on to, hurts and wounds, annoyance and impatience.. fear and weakness and insecurity.......

so that I could function like He would want me to.... because I do not want this to characterize me:

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;  idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions  and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

but rather this is who I want to be:

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.  Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 

God is faithful, the Spirit is faithful, Jesus is faithful..... I am trusting them to do this work in me....

.....Adopted....... and set free....

sin... it always does something to us..
committed by us, our guilt can make us turn away from God..
committed against us, it hurts us and potentially causes resentment, bitterness.. leads us to unforgiveness and therefore leads to sin on our part..
all those things can be dealt with, when we choose to be obedient and repent or forgive..

consequences always follow sin.. no matter who commits them...

learning something new these days..
when sinned against, after forgiveness has been extended, healing most certainly comes..

consequences however, like increased insecurity, are a different set of problems that can still come up and wreck havoc...

none of those things are too hard for our Father in Heaven to deal with obviously.. He will, since He is so committed to growing us up in Him, use them to refine us and draw us even closer to Him...

living this out... no fun...
then again... makes one turn to the One who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow..
the One who said:

For the Lord your God is living among you.

    He is mighty to save.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

    With his love, he will calm all your fears.

    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

and this:

In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will

and this:

Relent, Lord! How long will it be?

    Have compassion on your servants.

 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,

    that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,

    for as many years as we have seen trouble.

He will never leave us or forsake us... and since He has already given us His son so we could be reconciled to Him, will He not give us everything else we will ever need? 

I am the adopted daughter of the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords... He chose me before the foundation of the world and His love and affection are mine for eternity.

He willingly sent His Son to the cross for me and His goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life..

He is faithful even when I am not and His compassion knows no end.. HIs mercies are new every morning and He is the Lover of my soul...

insecurities? no match for the Creator of Heaven and Earth... the Sovereign Lord of the Universe..

He loves me..  I am known, I belong, I matter, I am valued and cherished....

I am His..

and because of that the peace that passes all understanding is with me always..

Praise the Lord!

.. sharing IN His glory...#SoliDeoGloria

in my time with the Lord this morning...
this is what I read.. and did it ever jump out on me... wow...

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.  All power to him forever! Amen.

1 Peter 5:10-11

this is the New Living Translation ... love that there are a few very good yet different translations.. the wording here allowed this to be such an "AHA" experience..

in His kindness.. oh He is so kind.. beyond all measure.. God called me to share in His eternal glory...  for some reason this just hit me.. I am here to bring glory to God... He saved me and has been working on me to make me more like Him so that others could see that and that the Glory would be all His.. makes sense to me and I am honored..  but now... because He is kind... He called me not only to bring glory to Him, but also to share IN His glory.... His eternal glory... eternally, with Him... 

by means of Jesus Christ... "by means"????  yes, by His beloved Son Jesus Christ DYING for me on the cross... this is what it took for me to be able to share in His glory... in Heaven one day, but even today... every day... I get to share in His glory...

could that be the peace He gives me, could that be the joy I have following Him and being at work for Him????

could that be that after I suffered a little while..  and lets face it... compared to eternity all of this is a really little, little while...  HE restores, supports and strengthens and puts me on a firm foundation.... and all of this because of His kindness.....

blessed deeply and beyond anything I could ever have asked for or imagined or hoped for.......

Love it when my God who loves me abundantly gives me a nugget like this... on a Monday morning...

#SoliDeoGloria

... submission.........

stuff is percolating... love how the Word does that... love how the Word that is sharper than a double edged sword goes out and how it does things... works deep inside my soul....
love how the Counsellor, the Holy Spirit takes it and testifies to my spirit and how it chips away at stuff.. old stuff...
gets my mind going, but it's deeper... far deeper than just thinking things through..
really the Holy Spirit, who is ALIVE, inside my body, the power that raised Jesus from the dead, in me, changing me... mind boggling..

ok... so it is percolating...

the passage from last week and this week, in 1 Timothy chapter 2: 8-15 and chapter 3: 1-14
it's all about surrendering.. it's all about understanding we are weak and not able to live a life of selflessness and integrity, without realizing our need and total dependence on God to enable us to do so....
submission... to God, to authority that God has placed into our lives.. as wives to our husbands, as church members to the Elders, as Christians to God Himself and how He reveals His will to us through the Word.....

not new. again. love it. have no problem with it, actually feel protected and safe under the umbrella of God's authority.... I trust Him, I know He loves me, like no other... so, I do it. I submit. I do what He tells me, fully relying on Him to give me what I need to do so.... that's where the Holy Spirit comes in... the Holy Spirit, part of the Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit...... who made my body His home, His temple, the moment He claimed me for Himself..... this Holy Spirit is in me and is not going to stop changing me and making me more like Christ until the day I will get to go home and see my Jesus face to face....

dwelling on Jesus, the Word, in a relationship with Him, He is faithful, the Spirit that is... to complete what is God, the Father's will, which is for me to reflect Him so that all glory goes to Him...

so thankful I am part of His plan..... what a privilege and what a blessing!!!

... how can I keep from singing....

feels like a ton of bricks hit me and I have been sleeping most of the day today... was supposed to be at a retreat and have another big thing happening tomorrow...
the fainting and double vision of the last few weeks combined with the onslaught of this cold... or flu, or whatever it is... oh well..

for the hours between exhausted sleep my laptop is my beloved companion... music really is all I need right now...

even as a young girl, singing in a choir myself, I have always loved Boys Choirs... maybe 7 years ago or so, I found the choir called Libera, from London, England on YouTube... I have since purchased 5 of their albums and follow them on Facebook...

a post by them today has me listening to some of the songs that have touched my heart in a profound way... I especially like Liam O'Kane, who was a Soloist in the 90's...

http://youtu.be/rO-gHaZDYbg

click here

I remember years ago discussing what eternity in heaven will look like..... if  (and I am pretty sure about that) there will be a lot of singing, lifting up praises, it will be perfectly fine with me..
there is something to be said about harmonies blending together like this... a longing in my heart, that cannot be satisfied here is awoken when I listen to music like this...  a glimpse of that we really have no way of knowing what it will be like... it never fails to move me to tears... to emotions I cannot even begin to understand...

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling,  because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.  For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.  For we live by faith, not by sight.  We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.  For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

2 Corinthians 5:1-10

.. I hate myself.... :O

not looking my best today.... have been a bit sickly and not eating very well... the problem is that my father and mother brought me a box of the World's bestest ever Chocolate from Switzerland...
and Thanksgiving didn't help either...

nearing the big 5 0 has made it so much harder to get rid of the "pouch" around my tummy and it frustrates me...

so, over the last few days, when looking in the mirror, I heard myself say these words: " I hate myself".......

you have to know that weight has always been an issue in my life.... I never was the "stick" person, the skinny minnie.... always have liked my sweets and always eat when bored or in need of comfort...

being a Christian I know that I am loved for who I am, but, I guess, like I just found out, it never quite took care of the "hating myself" feelings when getting a glimpse of my body.....

praying about it and asking God to forgive me for my hateful thoughts about myself, I realized I have believed the lies that were told to me and my sister and mother during my childhood... I still believe them now...

my mother, trying to offset some of the stuff we heard from my father and brother would tell us that she just wanted for us to have the body that God gave us......I took that as that beautiful body with no fat, fat that was there because of a lack of self control... so when I mutter "I hate myself" upon seeing myself in a mirror it is not only that I hate the way I look, I hate the way I have been so weak, I have given in to temptation........

believing a lie keeps me in this place where I am cut off from God's acceptance and love and grace... believing a lie I believe what Satan, the one who came to kill and to destroy wants me to believe... believing a lie I do not believe the truth, the truth that God has for me, which is to communicate to me that I am loved, cherished and accepted... even in my weakness and lack of self control......
This is what it says in His Word:

1 Peter  3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

and Psalm 139: 13-16

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

so... I need to repent, and replace the lies with the truth..... and because self control is a fruit of the spirit I will continue to ask God to help me with that... trusting that He will bring to completion the good work He started in me.....

..relinquishing control..... not mine, but your will be done....

surrender..... sounds awful.... right?

this is what the dictionary says:
to relinquish to the control or possession of another under duress or on demand
to give (oneself) up physically, as or as if to an enemy
To give up or give back .....

doesn't sound that great now, does it?

then again, as Christians, surrender shouldn't have such a bad taste... we know that as Christians we are to surrender to God's will, His plan, His control....

facing a situation right now that brought me to my knees, surrendering the desire of my heart... acknowledging that I have no control... giving back what was never mine in the first place..
surrendering to His will.... sounds scary... and yet... this is what I know is true of God:

You prepare a table before me

    in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

    my cup overflows.

 Surely your goodness and love will follow me

    all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

    forever.

Psalm 23:5-6

I remain confident of this:

    I will see the goodness of the Lord

    in the land of the living.

 Wait for the Lord;

    be strong and take heart

    and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27: 13-14

They tell of the power of your awesome works—

    and I will proclaim your great deeds.

 They celebrate your abundant goodness

    and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

 The Lord is gracious and compassionate,

    slow to anger and rich in love.

Psalm 145:6-8

 His Goodness is something that I can count on... part of me still is afraid that His plans, that are to prosper and not to harm and to give a hope and future might look different from what I would like them to be........ truth is, if Jesus could pray like this right before He was going to be arrested and condemned to death on the cross: "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” I can too......... the scriptures go on to tell us: ...An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him..... no matter what the outcome of this is going to look like for me... I know that He, in His goodness will send His angels to strengthen me, that I will not be alone, that He will be with me right there.......

it is a good thing that it also says this in His Word:

“I know that you can do all things;

    no purpose of yours can be thwarted. 

Job 42:2

thanking the Lord for songs that touch the deepest parts of my soul....

Just to rest in your arms

Close enough to hear your heart

Just to kneel at your feet

Where everything fades away and I sing

Jesus, Jesus, take me over now

I surrender

Everything I have, I lay it down

All of me

With just a glimpse of your face

All my fears melt away

Lost within your embrace

Im pouring out all my admiration

Jesus, Jesus, take me over now

I surrender

Everything I have ( and long for) I lay it down

All of me

Michael W. Smith - Take Me Over

..Jesus, hold me now, I long for your embrace #CastingCrowns

driving for a while this afternoon, this song came up on my iTunes.. haven't heard it in a while.. but, like it works so very often, this part of the lyrics just resonated with me immensely...

Jesus, hold me now 

I need to feel You in this place 

To know You’re by my side 

And hear Your voice tonight 

Jesus, hold me now 

I long for Your embrace 

I’m beat and broken down 

I can’t find my way out 

Jesus, hold me now

listened to this almost constantly 3 years ago.... it was a time of relying on Jesus for every little breath I took... beat and broken down I was... raw and hurting all the time...

almost 4 years after one of my worst nightmares happened, I am not in this place anymore...

Jesus, who I pleaded with over and over again has been near to me, has led me through the path of healing and has bound up my broken heart... 

today, like so many days though, I am still holding on and crying out for dear life.... I guess a life of total dependence on God, a life lived in humility, includes heartache and brokenness on some level at all times......

often have I thought how nice it would be to get a little break.. but then it always dawns on me... what some call my passion and contagious love for Christ wouldn't be what it is, were it not for that desperate dependence on Him...

facing some health issues, nothing totally new, just a new level of it, I am made aware that the spiritual /emotional root of those issues is that deep down inside I am still a fearful little girl... God has been so faithful to free me from so many of my fears, and I am eternally grateful for that.. I had to pray and in tears confess to Him today, that on this very deep level I am still not quite trusting Him......

and there it was... this song.. and as I was praying and crying and pouring out my heart to Him once again, I was singing along, like I have so many times...

Jesus, hold me now

I need to feel You in this place

To know You’re by my side

And hear Your voice tonight

Jesus, hold me now

I long for Your embrace

I’m beat and broken down

I can’t find my way out

Jesus, hold me now

the wonderful part is that He never hesitates to come right to my side, hold me tight to Himself, and the little girl can finally put her head down on His shoulder again, letting herself sink into His embrace...... heal those layers of my soul you are exposing now, Lord... no one cares the way you do............. 

... happiness and health are totally overrated ??? :O

happiness is totally overrated... so is health... what?
well, when all and everything is just so difficult, when nothing works the way one would hope... maybe that's what we need to come up with... no? well, I guess not...

truth is, happiness is one thing, joy another..
hoping to be just plain happy one day... not wrong hoping that but .. it might not happen..
hoping for strength to make it through the day? for a peace that passes all understanding?
joy that is not depending on circumstances... totally different matter..

truth be told.. kind of sick of the no happiness thing... won't start getting mad at God, obviously He has a plan and I do believe that His plan is to prosper me, not harm me, His plan is to give me a hope and a future..

do I have a hope? yes, even if I don't really feel it at times... do I have a future? yes.. the plans that are to prosper me.... mmm... this is what this word means:

to thrive, succeed, etc., or cause to thrive, succeed, etc. in a healthy way, to do well.....

sounds good to me, so yes, the future, the plans for me to thrive and to succeed... to do well in a healthy way... I trust Him for that..

heard this yesterday :

No, this is not your legacy

This is not your destiny

Yesterday does not define you

No, this is not your legacy

This is not your meant to be

I can break the chains that bind you

I have a dream for you

It's better than where you've been

It's bigger than your imagination

You're gonna find real love

And you're gonna hold your kids

You'll change the course of generations

Cause you're my child

You're my chosen

You are loved

You are loved

And I will restore

All that was broken

You are loved

You are loved

And just like the seasons change

Winter into spring

You're brining new life to your family tree now

Yes you are

You are

by Matthew West "Family Tree"

does it feel like this always? no, not always... is it still true? yes, for sure... because God does not lie, what He says in His Word is true... He is faithful and can be trusted.. no matter I have a hard time trusting in this because my experiences with people have been far from that... the One thing remains.. He is who He says He is.. I know it beyond a shadow of a doubt..... and that... that's my reason to rejoice... 

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:3-9

#SoliDeoGloria