.....so what I am single.....

"... born while the drug addict mother was in jail for dealing and possession... adopted and abused, removed and placed..  again and again, raped and instructed to abort, used and pushed around... lost and alone, without a place to belong, people to belong to, misrepresented and misunderstood... a child taken away, leaving another huge void impossible to fill..."




when, on a day like today, sadness wants to overcome me and kill my joy, when I am reminded that taking my eyes of myself is what I need to do, I have no shortage of lives that have touched mine to focus on, that help me to gain a proper perspective .. and end the "self-pity party"....

instead of allowing feelings of loneliness and that all familiar hurt of past and present rejections to get me down, I thank my God that He indeed is blessing me... all the time... that His hand has been upon me and my children all along and that He, like He has promised, will never leave me or forsake me...

as a little girl I would collect empty matchboxes and use them as coffins for the dead ladybugs I found and who obviously needed a proper burial... I made little crosses and put little flowers on their graves.. I would try and rescue mice from cats, and from our own dog... who pursued them relentlessly... taking them home, trying to nurse them back to health...

my coworkers at Hope for Life had a good chuckle upon hearing these stories this week and one of them came to the conclusion that even then I had a very tender heart towards the "less fortunate".... :)

truth is, the most wonderful thing happened, when He turned what someone had meant for evil into something good... He lead me to my mission field... He taught me to take my eyes of myself by bringing to me the "less fortunate".... for the last 3 years I have been blessed to try and make a difference in the lives of the women and children He in His sovereignty has allowed me to encounter..  by His grace and His power thankfully I am a bit more effective than way back when I tried to nurse the poor mice back to life... it is He who works out the healing, who gives the hope and who makes whole the brokenhearted...

so what I am single... so what there might never be a man who will love me enough not to abandon me at some point... Jesus Himself has loved me enough to give His life for me... to walk with me... to carry me... He is more than enough... so I take my eyes off myself... again by His strength..... and serve Him while I am waiting...