not jealous.. no MWS Cruise for me

listening to a little tidbit from the MWS and Friends Cruise going on right now.. I am reminded of a lot of things...

I am thankful for technology. without it I could not be listening to Laura Story sharing part of her story and singing...

I am thankful for the fact that I have friends I love enough to miss them, they are on that cruise..

I am thankful that I have met them all on a cruise just like that..

I am thankful that during  the last 6 years I have been on 3 cruises like this..
time spent with like minded Christ Followers,  each time spending a week of praising our Father in Heaven, learning about Him

I am thankful that in all the trials and tribulations God teaches us so much more than just learning to trust Him

He teaches us how much He loves us..
He shows us how much He cares,
that He alone is in control and that what He has for us is the best..
even if we might not be able to see it so clearly at times..

a few months ago, when the time came to pay the balance for this trip I needed to make a decision.
my mother was slowly but very surely dying from cancer and the fact that she lived in Switzerland and I lived 6,000km ( 3,728.227 miles ) away on a different continent just made it so inexcusable to spend this kind of money on a trip so frivolous.. I needed to spend my money on going to see my mother and, I needed to be available at any given time to rush to her...

not even a month later the unimaginable, unbearable happened.. my mother passed away, expected yet horribly sudden, too late to get a few days with her while on this earth, we still had to rush over there to be with family and to honor her...

we had been praying for God to have mercy on her and God was merciful... He took her and spared her more suffering ... I am holding on to that when the waves of grief still overwhelm...

not being on that cruise this week still is a hard thing to do...

but again, I am thankful

thankful that I could instead have been tending to family for the last 10 days

thankful to be home with my husband who is such a pillar of strength for me

thankful that, as with my mother passing, there is now new opportunity to be transformed..

to be content in all circumstances.

to not be jealous but to rejoice with those that are rejoicing.

to take feelings and thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and to allow Him to change me

I wish I was there, but God had a different plan

His plans are not only to not harm me but to prosper me, to give me hope and a future, they are the very best, it's actually a no brainer.

we did not know the timing of it all.
He did.

time spent with my daughters who I am missing so and who miss me..
time spent with my father, who having lost his wife, bowed his knees before Christ just 4 weeks ago
time spent with other family members trying to help navigate new territory
reconnecting with friends who needed encouragement and who encouraged me.

so, long story short.
God never wastes one second of our lives.
He always is faithful to mold us and shape us,
to make us more like Himself..
often through taking away,
always through blessing us.

there is strength within the sorrow

there is beauty in our tears

and You meet us in our mourning

with a love that casts out fear

You are working in our waiting

You are sanctifying us

when beyond our understanding 

You're teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper

You have not forgotten us

You're with us in the fire and the flood 

You're faithful forever

perfect in love

You are SOVEREIGN over us...

...quietly submit to the trials and tribulations.. :O

Remember He is the artist and you are only the picture. You can't see it. So quietly submit to be painted. 

C.S. Lewis

another Sunday, another opportunity to worship with the family God has placed us in .. another sermon about suffering, I think this was the last one in the series "Why me?" 

timely to hear about what we need to focus on if we want to be able to see God in our trials..

as Christians, children of God I heard a wise man say one day that we are either in, have just come out, or will enter into a time of trial and suffering.. it's because He, our Father in Heaven is committed to making us holy, more like Him, and He will not stop until He takes us home one day..

this man, James McDonald, went on to say that if you were not experiencing any trial for a long time you might want to test yourself and see if you are really one of His children..

so, sermons about suffering are always timely.. learning to not try to run from it but embrace it, knowing that He who allowed it has only our best interest in mind, will never hurt us or harm us, learning to look to Him, not become angry, bitter, full of doubt, turn away or try to control the situation.. that's always a very good thing..  God the Father always is all about accomplishing His purposes for us, He wants to teach us to trust Him, let us receive His comfort so we can comfort others, take our eyes of ourselves and minister to others instead, He sometimes just plain will use our suffering to show His power and glory.. not fighting this but accepting and surrendering is what we need to do..

last sermon of the series focused on how we can make sure we are able to see God in our suffering ...

there were steps like confessing sin immediately,  surrendering completely ( wow, being content in our suffering and accepting it fully) loved the next one: thinking biblically.. filtering our thoughts through the verse in Philippians 4.. whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.... standing firm on what we know is true.. no matter how things around us look or feel, endure patiently and, last but not least: struggle corporately...

ha...

having had the immense privilege of being a part of a place where this was happening at all times, I guess I had not realized how hard life would be if this part was not working...

if there was no one near to come walk alongside you, to encourage and uphold you through prayer, through pointing to scriptures and just to love and to care ..

I was aware that this is what has carried me through all the many years of being a follower of Christ and His refining work in my life.. have enjoyed the privilege of walking alongside other believers, sister and brothers in Christ and those the Lord has allowed me to share my faith with through the Pregnancy Center..

so today, as I wrote down the last point, I thanked Him, that this indeed has been my experience for so long , also realizing that having kind of lost this family and not quite connected in this way with the new one has had me in this rather difficult stage over the last little while..

so thankful that today I got to talk to a few more people at the church and new things will start up soon.. 

knowing and believing firmly that God is in TOTAL control of ALL my circumstances at ALL times, I know He wanted this like this.. I can see why as well, or at least a little bit anyways..

growing together as husband and wife without this kind of network of caring brothers and sisters had us look to each other only in those times of need ..  and so we failed, we succeeded, we cried and we met each other on levels far deeper than ever before.. what a blessing.. hard at times but oh so good.. the Lord turning the difficult into something very good for both of us, because we love Him, because we have been called according to His amazing purpose..

is it going to be a struggle to always be patient, surrendered and focusing on Him and being content in all the ongoing struggles and future trials? oh for sure... but.. I know that He, the Daddy in Heaven has our backs and His plans are perfect.

I know His intentions and I am thankful that He will not give up making us more holy each day..

But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;  for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.

1 Peter 1: 15-16

.. intended for evil.. turned to good...

..just had a wonderfully extended time with my Father....
funnily enough, anytime I come to him, He gives me all His attention and has so many things for me to understand and learn... I love Him a lot. :)

still studying through the 11th chapter of Hebrews.. all about the Superheroes of Faith...

interesting what God uses to get through to us.. let's face it, He knows us so well and since His Word is alive and sharper than a double-edged sword.. He always succeeds in making known what He wants me to get..

so the last week was a little harder, found myself sleeping a lot, blamed it on the weather, but I know too that I was just so very exhausted emotionally... after all, my Father performed some deep tissue surgery last weekend.. takes a soul a while to recover from that, as necessary and helpful as it is, it still requires some rehab after..

so today, as I was dwelling on Joseph's life, and the blessing his father Jacob bestowed on him and his sons, I all of a sudden thought it would be a good thing to write down what had been meant for evil throughout my life, and how God turned it into something good... how He increased my faith and my effectiveness..

then I wrote down how this last "meant for evil" ordeal 3 and 1/2 years ago has indeed increased my blessings and me being a blessing...

oh my goodness... there is soooooooo much that He has brought out of this.... it was good to list it all.

Joseph, who endured hardship because of others intending evil, was put in such a powerful earthly place, that he in turn was able to bless many, even those that put him in the pit in the first place..
his father ended up giving him pre-eminence when blessing all his sons and indeed, the blessing really started becoming true after Jacob passed away... the increase in numbers exploded..

for me... I never before had ventured outside the walls of the church so to speak, taking the gospel to the lost... I now have had the privilege to lead a few to the Lord and walk beside them on their journey...
even my mother, this wonderfully stubborn German lady I love so much...
God provided for a life that has had me stable and secure despite the turmoil, again, intended for evil....

He has blessed me by increasing the circle of my influence of blessing and encouragement...
He has showered me with new friends, both through the ministry He called me to and through the healing blessings like becoming one of those crazy fans of this one Christian artist...
y'all know who you are and my life has been enriched to an extend I would have never been able to imagine...

I have freedom to be the passionate Christian I am... to give of my time freely..

so, thanks to what my Father shared with me when I climbed up on His knees today, I am once again able to fix my eyes on Him and what He is doing, rather than on my unmet, legitimate needs..
He has a plan, and it was good to make an inventory of just how marvellous that plan is....
for me, writing it all down really helps....

To Him alone be the Glory #SoliDeoGloria