not jealous.. no MWS Cruise for me

listening to a little tidbit from the MWS and Friends Cruise going on right now.. I am reminded of a lot of things...

I am thankful for technology. without it I could not be listening to Laura Story sharing part of her story and singing...

I am thankful for the fact that I have friends I love enough to miss them, they are on that cruise..

I am thankful that I have met them all on a cruise just like that..

I am thankful that during  the last 6 years I have been on 3 cruises like this..
time spent with like minded Christ Followers,  each time spending a week of praising our Father in Heaven, learning about Him

I am thankful that in all the trials and tribulations God teaches us so much more than just learning to trust Him

He teaches us how much He loves us..
He shows us how much He cares,
that He alone is in control and that what He has for us is the best..
even if we might not be able to see it so clearly at times..

a few months ago, when the time came to pay the balance for this trip I needed to make a decision.
my mother was slowly but very surely dying from cancer and the fact that she lived in Switzerland and I lived 6,000km ( 3,728.227 miles ) away on a different continent just made it so inexcusable to spend this kind of money on a trip so frivolous.. I needed to spend my money on going to see my mother and, I needed to be available at any given time to rush to her...

not even a month later the unimaginable, unbearable happened.. my mother passed away, expected yet horribly sudden, too late to get a few days with her while on this earth, we still had to rush over there to be with family and to honor her...

we had been praying for God to have mercy on her and God was merciful... He took her and spared her more suffering ... I am holding on to that when the waves of grief still overwhelm...

not being on that cruise this week still is a hard thing to do...

but again, I am thankful

thankful that I could instead have been tending to family for the last 10 days

thankful to be home with my husband who is such a pillar of strength for me

thankful that, as with my mother passing, there is now new opportunity to be transformed..

to be content in all circumstances.

to not be jealous but to rejoice with those that are rejoicing.

to take feelings and thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and to allow Him to change me

I wish I was there, but God had a different plan

His plans are not only to not harm me but to prosper me, to give me hope and a future, they are the very best, it's actually a no brainer.

we did not know the timing of it all.
He did.

time spent with my daughters who I am missing so and who miss me..
time spent with my father, who having lost his wife, bowed his knees before Christ just 4 weeks ago
time spent with other family members trying to help navigate new territory
reconnecting with friends who needed encouragement and who encouraged me.

so, long story short.
God never wastes one second of our lives.
He always is faithful to mold us and shape us,
to make us more like Himself..
often through taking away,
always through blessing us.

there is strength within the sorrow

there is beauty in our tears

and You meet us in our mourning

with a love that casts out fear

You are working in our waiting

You are sanctifying us

when beyond our understanding 

You're teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper

You have not forgotten us

You're with us in the fire and the flood 

You're faithful forever

perfect in love

You are SOVEREIGN over us...

.. called to more than that..... in His time....

“Love each other with the same love you have for your family. In fact, you should love each other with the same love that is shared between two brothers. The value you place on each other should be so high that it makes you desire to see those you love excel and achieve much in life, even if it means that they excel and achieve more than you do.”

Romans 12:10 

( Rick Renner: Sparkling Gems of the Greek)

reading this right now explains a little why if there was a litmus test for what level of grief and sadness you were going through I think I would be scoring on the higher end...

having been blessed by the Lord to be part of a "church family" where this kind of brotherly, (and sisterly ) respectful love was flowing freely for almost all of my Christian life, it makes sense that there is a profound sense of loss..  makes sense that walking in and out of a church without so much as talking to someone for a moment let alone connect meaningfully just feels so VERY wrong...

another passage of scripture comes to mind:

 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him.  Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?”  Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers.  For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Matthew 12:46-50

the closeness we have, kind of by default, as fellow believers planted in the same church, called to ministry together, called to love one another with this kind of "rejoicing together-mourning together - being Jesus to one another" love is rooted in sharing what is most important in our lives and that is our Saviour.. the call to be like Him, the call to point each other to Him as the source of all we need to know for life and godliness.. there is something about this that is thicker even than blood...

it's the spiritual family.. not surprising really, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ..

so, I am acknowledging that God, the Sovereign God over all creation has us in this place where for now we are lacking these kind of relationships.. has us in the place where being ripped out of the fabric of such family ties and intimacy we feel like all our limbs have been amputated.. acknowledging that only the manufacturer can heal such wounds and He will, in His time.. He will also allow new connections to grow.. based on that same "co-heir of Christ kind of kinship" and allow us to bless and be blessed.. again...

 As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him—  you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says:

“See, I lay a stone in Zion,

    a chosen and precious cornerstone,

and the one who trusts in him

    will never be put to shame.”

1 Peter 2:4-6

I am looking forward to the new year to connect in some more meaningful ways with this new family, while worshipping together and hearing the Word preached each Sunday is laying a foundation for all the things He has for us.. to become crafted in, to bear fruit, to find our place as living stones, part of this building, the church, to minister and come along side each other, thankful and expectant to find out what this will look like!!! God is GOOD all the time!