..healthy boundaries vs control..

I was 23 years old when I got married for the first time.. even though I was driven into this marriage by the OVERWHELMING need to find out if I could have a baby and to find a security other than what my father could offer me, and so obviously did not enter into this supposedly lifelong relationship for the right reasons, I indeed left my father and my mother and became a new cell / entity / family...
I had not the slightest idea what marriage was designed to be, and yet.. I did separate, leave my spot in my original family...

God, the Creator and Designer of marriage,  as in becoming one flesh and cleaving to one another works all this out on a deep soul level, no matter if we are aware of it or not...

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.  (Genesis 2:24)

having had this rather hurtful discussion with a member of my family accusing me of being a bad daughter, I have been reflecting about this and trying to understand what is going on emotionally, in me and in the one accusing me...

I did leave, I did not identify myself through whose child I was, not on the same level as my siblings anyways, too much still for a very long time, but not as much as they did and still do..
I remember as a teenager thinking that I did not fit in, that I would never want to have anything to do with what defined my family even then...

when I became a Christian and over the years learned what it meant to cleave to your husband, when I learned to stand by him even if it meant to stand up against my parents, I guess I separated on an even deeper level.. in the way I was meant to in the first place..

I think this is healthy, it is after all what God says needs to happen, and in a healthy parent-child relationship the parent will welcome and support the leaving and cleaving that happens when a child gets married.. not so in my case..

now, no longer married, obviously not my choice and not in accordance with God's will, I am not stepping back into my old place in my original family, I am first and foremost  a child of God, still my children's mother, and I am a servant of God ...

I am so very blessed that God has given me this ministry, that He has called me to serve Him where I can be used in a meaningful way... I am investing my time and my heart and soul in this service of Him because I love Him with all my heart, soul and mind... I have been bought at a price, I am His..

it is obvious that neither my parents nor my brother would be able to understand that this is where my allegiance lies..
as a child of my parents I will always honor and respect them, I will help them as much as my commitment to God will allow me to, I will be obedient to what God wants me to do in this area as much as I am trying to be obedient in all other areas of my life... but that is it...

even though they are not appreciating my commitment to something that amounts to nothing in their "economy" I will hold fast to it... it is hurtful to, once again, be the "Black Sheep"... but then again, that's what I have been all my life...

I am so thankful that I have learned about healthy boundaries a long time ago..

I know that if my parents don't give me emotional permission to be a separate person,
to make free choices about my life,
and to not feel guilty when I don't  do what they or my siblings want,
when this still governs my actions...
I have not grown up .. I do not have the proper boundaries in place.

as a Christian I am under God's authority, and His alone,  I have not been under the authority of my parents for a very long time since I got married when I was 23.. I am no longer to obey them but to honor and love them..

with family members like mine, that manipulate and control, standing up for what is right is rather hard.. no one likes to be persecuted.. but if that's what it takes , then so be it..