more normal is good and then again.. it made me realize this:
having to surrender all because everything around you scares the daylights out of you.. it puts you in a very good place.. a place as close to the Father as possible..
it's a safe place, it's a place of peace, because, you know the outcome has nothing to do with you and there is SUCH freedom in that..
so going back to some kind of resemblance of normal.. one would think is a good thing.. yet.. as my total dependence on Him is not my only way of surviving, my eyes start to stray... they are not quite as fixed on the One and Only... potential for all kinds of self pity and frustration and such..
some kind of normal.... well... whatever that means to me...
my mom admitted to the ICU upon a few days of her arrival in Germany... scary... thank God she is home again and is awaiting more tests... normal = 6000 km distance between aging parents and me... DO NOT like that..
all the many "last times" for my "baby"... last recital, bittersweet, so proud of her and at the same time grieving our "normal" to come to an end..
and let's not forget about the "black cloud".... the main issue that drove me to my knees and clinging to my Saviour... not resolved... still up in the air...
time again to dwell on the fact that I am alone, as I am facing the new phase in my life : empty nester....
and then, yesterday, a beautiful friend spontaneously invited me and the puppies to come and stay with her for the night... all my girls with their Dad for the upcoming Father's Day celebration, it would have been a lonely, (probably) "self pity" kind of a night..
instead we, the puppies and I, got to go on a wonderful walk and hung out.. watched a movie and enjoyed the hospitality of a sister in Christ... so blessed!
this morning, this is what I read:
Don’t be afraid or ashamed
and don’t be discouraged.
You won’t be disappointed.
Forget how sinful you were
when you were young;
stop feeling ashamed
for being left a widow.
The Lord All-Powerful,
the Holy God of Israel,
rules all the earth.
He is your Creator and husband,
and he will rescue you.
He is all about blessing His children... He is my Father and He loves me unconditionally.
repenting of taking my eyes off Him for a moment.. He is ALL I ever need..
As I rise, strength of God
Go before, lift me up
As I wake, eyes of God
Look upon, be my sight
As I wait, heart of God
Satisfy and sustain
As I hear, voice of God
Lead me on, and be my guide
And be my guide
Above and below me
Before and behind me
In every eye that sees me
Christ be all around me
Above and below me
Before and behind me
In every eye that sees me
Christ be all around me
Whoa...Whoa...Christ be all around me
As I go, hand of God
My defense, by my side
As I rest, breath of God
Fall upon, bring me peace
Bring me peace
Your life, Your death
Your blood was shed
For every moment
Every moment
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