I have dreamed that someone would write me a song and play it for me.... so "kind of" means , that no, this most wonderful friend of mine didn't write this song for me, but, he played it, recorded it and sent it half way across the world just for me.... :)
it was just one blessing my Lord had for me yesterday... a beautifully sunny and warm day... ( you appreciate it so much more of you have been depraved of it for soooooooooooo long) , an amazing church service... for sure made me feel like the dark cloud I have had over me for the last few weeks has finally left....
what did it take?
it took Christian friends to pray for me, one in particular to ask the important questions to make me see what was behind the sadness and depression...
it took me relentlessly pleading with my Jesus every free second I had...
it took immersing myself in the scripture passage in Hebrews... the one my Father in Heaven had prepared for me to be on my SCC reading plan since Tuesday night...
it took for me to drive for a few hours on Saturday and pray and repent.... calling sin a sin, and acknowledging it... finding forgiveness and freedom in the safe embrace of my Father...
it took me basking in His love, the River of Life that flows from His throne... to be able to breathe again... to be able to see His truth... not distorted messages from people that just don't know any better...
I was able to rather than feel sorry for myself to have to deal with "everything "( as in no one to share the burden of life.. all it's to do's and such ) to start dealing with it... :)
rather than staying home and being sad to be alone, I made myself available to others on the weekend as well...
and then I saw this this morning: " Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth"...... HA...
so, I think, I needed an adjustment... I needed to come to my Father, I needed to tell Him how miserable I was, I needed His Word and His love to gently convict me, heal some wounds and forgive my part in it... and then my attitude could change... I have come to Him with my doubts, doubts that He will give me the desire of my heart... and instead of doubting now I go to Him and tell Him that even though my faith in Him in this regard is rather tiny... it doesn't matter, because He is great... I am asking Him to increase my faith... so that I can continue to attempt great things for Him, and expect great things from Him.....
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