.. taking pleasure in hardships and persecutions????... ( hmmm.. better not )

So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.
 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

okay... so, challenged by this weeks passage, I have been asking my Lord... Paul, because God did not want him to be proud and conceited, since he had been taken up to some place in heaven and seen amazing things he couldn't and wouldn't share... he chose "to take pleasure" in his weaknesses because they would keep him from boasting in this tremendous blessing..

and Christ... He knew His purpose when He chose to fix His eyes on the joy before Him, when He willingly went to the cross.. He knew, first of all, that He did this to save us, and also, being God and all, He knew the outcome ( the resurrection) already...

you can tell I am in a yucky place when the question I have for my Lord is... how am I supposed to "take pleasure" in my weaknesses and sufferings, my persecutions and hardships.......

when, I have not seen what it was that Paul saw... I am not God and know the timing and the outcome...

sometimes I resent that I know the answers to all those questions... I know that the purpose for me here is to glorify Him, that I have been saved and have seen and experienced things that are "out of this world" because I am a child of God.... I know the ultimate outcome.. I am going to be spending eternity in heaven... ja, ja, ja, ja.....  but, I don't know the how and the when... and right now I am not taking pleasure in facing stuff and being alone, lonely and left behind... 

ja, ja, ja, I also know I am not alone... and yet I am. so there.

then, this morning , when feeling sorry for myself and looking through old pictures it hit me... I screwed it all up... I could have been a different person, after all, didn't I have Christ in me, beside me, before me and behind me... gosh.. how come I was still so stuck... how come I couldn't be that gracious, always loving, never resenting, always forgiving person, fully depending on my Jesus, who, let's face it was, and still is all I need...

and look at me now. I still am not able to get it together... humbling to say the least...

so where does that leave me??? no idea.

fact is.. I know what I know.. my purpose and my hope and my destination..

so.. in my weakness I shall be counting on the Power of Christ  to work through me... hmmmmm