... knots in my stomach ... and GOD is GOOD anyways...

a day before the day... the day when all was going to come to the wanted and "planned for" conclusion..

well.. the last 3 weeks have been hard.. and God has been good. and yet... they have been hard...

living by faith.. somehow we think that God will change us in a mysterious, miraculous fairy-tale kind of a way... and that then we will just sail through those tough storms and trials, always learning, always growing and because of what He is doing it all is not really that bad... and wow... look at us.. we are so mature and so wise and all is just great and will turn out just wonderfully...

well... n*e*w*s*f*l*a*s*h*......... it does look a little different.. not that easy breezy... that's for sure..

I have moved.. I love my new place and I feel so very blessed...

depending on Him like this... holding on for dear life... it makes one aware.. so much more aware that  anything that is in any way nice... is a gift from the Lord...

"if everything in your life is in God's hands, you see God's hand in everything"

the more one becomes aware of how fragile things are and how much we do not have anything under control .. the more we see God and His sovereignty..

so tomorrow... the day .. it's not going to happen as planned..

leading up to this there was fear, anxiety, hurt and disappointment... there were knots in my stomach and not a lot of sleep... there were phone calls and all kinds of attempts to deal with things that were tough...

then there were prayers and verses and peace, there was forgiveness and ... there was still joy... and hope... even though it didn't come easily to hold on to that, as so many things kept going wrong... God always came through. in some way or another..

in it all... His hand is evident in all of this..

so the stress will go on.. prayers are still coveted... for His will to be done.. whatever that will mean.. I am thanking Him and praising Him for what He is doing..
because, even though this has been tough.. it must be best... because otherwise He, whose plans are never thwarted.. would not have orchestrated this like this..

He is good, all the time.. no matter how it might look this side of heaven...

I've heard the thunder before

I'm not a stranger to storms

Even in the flood

I can always run

To where You are

I've had to wait in the dark

And hold the truth in my heart

Even in the night

Still You open wide

Your faithful arms

And I hide myself

Where I find my help

And I hide myself

I find only rest

Find only peace

Beneath Your wings

You are the refuge that stands

You hold my world in Your hands

The quiet in the noise

The stillness of Your voice

Will be enough

And I hide myself

Where I find my help

And I hide myself

I find only rest

Find only peace

Beneath Your wings

And it's Your presence alone

That changes all that I know

'Til all that I know

Is just Your presence alone

I'm safe in Your shadow

And I hide myself

Where I find my help

And I hide myself

I find only rest

Find only peace

Beneath Your wings

Hide myself

Michael W Smith

#SOVEREIGN

.. Keep calm, Trust and Obey.....

the walking through the mud and the mess continues. it seems there is no shortage of new and messier things. quite the adventure if I liked stuff like this. it freaks me out.

praying and trusting and more praying and trusting. seeking for guidance and praying and trusting.
something dawned on me today:

"being a Christian means doing what is right no matter if those around you do, no matter what "common sense" or worldly wisdom might advise us to do. no matter how scary and foolish it might look or feel."

when pushed into a corner and threatened like this, when having received help from someone that cannot fathom the wisdom that comes from God...

still: "being a Christian means doing what is right. no matter what."

for me, it is all I could do. actually straying off the path that God has laid out for me scares the bejeebees  ( no idea how to spell this at all ;)  out of me...

when this all went down almost two weeks ago I knew that God would have a lot of stuff He wanted to do through this.,.. there had to be some significant stuff He wanted to do.. because, come one, this was tough. why put me through this if not for a very good reason.

can see more now, the testimony this all will be to
"being a Christian means doing what is right even though all hell breaks lose"

and really: being a Christian, that's being a person, born again by the Spirit of the living God, His laws written on my heart, a dependence on Him and a love for Him... His strength available to me and His peace.
a trust in Him, in a way that I guess defies any human wisdom or ability.

that's what being a Christian is. a grateful follower of Jesus Christ. interesting how now I am the one that is less scared, not driven by fear but obedience, there is such freedom in that.

praying that those that see will believe one day too.

To Him Alone be the GLORY forever and ever AMEN!

.. Fear NOT for you are MINE.....

back to the real world after 3 days of reprieve from the scary world of lawyers and motions and stuff like that..

thanks to Him, a peace that passes understanding was mine and relaxation and enjoyment followed..

today, we are back.

and with it, I have to admit, fear and trepidation wants to enter my heart.

have been thinking and praying a lot about trust.
trusting means being sure and counting on what I know to be true.

one sure thing: no matter what happens over the next 10 days, God will provide for me.

He does always have me right smack in the middle of where He wants me to be,
I just need to stay there. in the palm of His hand.

trusting. expectantly waiting and praying.
takes a huge surrender on my part. because, obviously I would like this all turn out in one specific way. is that the best way though? from my understanding it is. from God's?
I don't know that.

the bigger question is: do I expect Him to really come through for me?
let's face it... my earthly father is the one producing the trouble, so duh... my ability to trust, not that big.
then again, my Heavenly Father is nothing like any human being, and I know that.
so why, my soul are you troubled???

why would hiding from it all be the much more natural approach for me, if that was at all possible?

read this today:

The word “power”  ( in Ephesians 6:10 : Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.) is taken from the Greek word kratos, and it describes what I have come to call demonstrated power. In other words, kratos power is not a power that one merely adheres to and believes in intellectually. Rather, this kratos power is a power that is demonstrative, eruptive, and tangible. It almost always comes with some type of external, outward manifestation that one can actually see with his or her eyes. This means that kratos power is not a hypothetical power; this is real power!

this is the power that the Lord has been talking to me about a month or so ago, when the conclusion He lead me to was: "Suck it up and rejoice... you can, because my power is in you ....."

this is true today, as it was 2000 years ago, and a month ago.

standing in the power that raised Jesus from the dead, I choose to trust, to surrender and wait.

no matter the outcome, my Jesus is alive. He is victorious and I in Him will be too.
All Praise be to God!

...sparkles and a joy no one can steal....

today is the 5th "Not anymore Anniversary" for me.. crazy, it for sure doesn't feel that way while it is happening, but looking back, it sure seems like time flies..

my youngest, who had just turned 13 when it all happened is going to graduate High school in a month..

there is not really sadness anymore about what happened then. it's just a day, it's also my mother's birthday, so I guess it will always stand out.

looking back, I definitely can see God's hand in all that has happened in those years since.
even the upheaval of the last 10 days. He is there. He loves me. He loves my girls.
He never abandons or forsakes us and He WILL restore the years the locusts have eaten.

got to pick something up 3 days ago. timing was kind of interesting considering the circumstances that are going on right now. not necessarily the time to spend money on something like this, yet so uplifting for what it signifies..

finally, after far too many years, I went and got the diamonds of my engagement ring and a pair of earrings I got once for my anniversary made into a new ring. it's called a Trinity ring and I thought that was fitting... 

it fits my ring finger on both my hands, so I can wear it on my left, because my God, my maker is my husband.. Jesus is my groom, or, I can just wear it on my right.. :)

it gave me joy, I have to admit, it sparkles, and let's face it, diamonds are a girl's best friends.. or not?

learning something really important.. it's not new, but is sinking in on a deeper level...

no one and nothing can steal my joy. no one and nothing can take away the hope that I have. as I walk with my Saviour, lover of my soul and best friend, the more I understand the deep, profound and extravagant love He has for me, I am learning to just lean into His embrace and expectantly wait to see what He is going to do.

fear has no place in my life, neither does hopelessness. 

the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is going to make my life turn out exactly the way He wants it to...

nothing to be scared about..

I love the sparkles.. I love that He had those for me just now.

I love that no matter what the storm.. no matter how devastating the flood... He is King over it all.

.. Father you are king over the flood......

Friday evening. a long weekend. usually a great source of joy, for me, right now,  this means  I will not find out anything about what is going on until at least Tuesday, probably not even in the morning, but rather later in the day...

this is tough. I know that I can trust God. I don't know how it will all look. I know He knows best and yet. there is peace. there is anxiety. He is doing what He is doing and it will be good. I know it and yet. there is fear. not horrible fear. just some I cannot shake sometimes.

just saw this posted:  Find rest my soul, in God alone...

made me remember this song I love:

Hide me now

Under Your wings

Cover me

Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father you are King over the flood

I will be still, know You are God

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know His power

In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father You are king over the flood

I will be still, know You are God

singing this, meditating on what my Jesus said:

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

I think I will just hang with Him tonite

... supernatural peace @ THREAT LEVEL ORANGE.. yes HE can!

Thursday. Today. A week after the last tsunami hit. unexpected and potentially devastating.
God. He is always. everywhere. never defeated. never helpless. caring. faithful. perfect. HOLY.

so. He was not surprised like I was. in His omniscience and unending mighty power He had a plan. to prosper and not to harm.
to turn the bad around for His Glory.

still seeing only the messy side of the tapestry I don't quite understand what exactly He has all done through this. I know it must have been GOOD.

one issue temporarily dealt with. disaster averted.

all PRAISE is lifted up to Him.
He is the only One that really matters.

things might continue to be difficult.
not at all as they were planned out so diligently.

tried to be a good steward, tried to be prepared. might have thought it was all controlled. ( by me. )
then. Thursday came. NO control. obviously

the age old question: do you trust ME? He asked.

yes. because you are trustworthy Lord.

yes, because I know you.

yes, because you have proven to be trustworthy so many times before.
and. you never had to anyways.

surrender. whatever this will be in the end.
You are the One that really matters.
at your feet I lay me down.

You have already given me everything.
I am yours. today. tomorrow. eternally.

there is power. there is power. at the sound of your name. Jesus

He is worthy. blessed and honoured to bring Glory to His name.
no matter the cost. by His Grace and strength.

He is the One that really matters

#SovereignOverUs #SoliDeoGloria

..Threat level raised from orange to RED...

5 days ago I came around a corner, happily going my way, I was excited and full of hope.. a new chapter in my life was about to begin.
I was adjusting my surroundings to another new normal.. "single empty nester"...
adjusting my surroundings in order to be a wise steward of what God has given me...
around that corner I encountered a threat. a threat that made one of my favourite Psalms resonate with me on a much deeper level than ever before...

The Lord is my light and my salvation—

    whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—

    of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me

    to devour me,

it is my enemies and my foes

    who will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me,

    my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

    even then I will be confident.

 One thing I ask from the Lord,

    this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord

    all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the Lord

    and to seek him in his temple.

 For in the day of trouble

    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the SHELTER of his sacred tent

    and set me high upon a rock.

 Then my head will be exalted

    above the enemies who surround me;

at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;

    I will sing and make music to the Lord.

 Hear my voice when I call, Lord;

    be merciful to me and answer me.

 My heart says of you, “SEEK HIS FACE!”

    Your face, Lord, I will seek.

 Do not hide your face from me,

    do not turn your servant away in anger;

    you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me,

    God my Savior.

 Though my father and mother forsake me,

    the Lord will receive me.

 Teach me your way, Lord;

    lead me in a straight path

    because of my oppressors.

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,

    for false witnesses rise up against me,

    spouting malicious accusations.

 I remain confident of this:

  I will see the goodness of the Lord

    in the land of the living.

 Wait for the Lord;

    be strong and take heart

    and wait for the Lord.

yesterday came and went and the threat level was raised from orange to RED... and yet, there I was, surrounded by His people, praying for me, encouraging me, there I was, serving Him, so blessed,

there I was, because of what He did, loving those that are causing this, forgiving and loving, extending grace, all because of Him..

again I am thankful for what HE is doing in my life.

Praising my God for His Sovereignty. For His protection, His infinite wisdom and His unending GRACE, poured out onto me, so that I could let it flow to those that don't know any better.

facing loss, this is what He is telling me this morning:

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ

He has my back, He loves me like no other, He has plans to prosper and I am DESPERATE  for Him.. He is the air I breath... I know that I will be taken care of, one way or another..

I AM seeing the goodness of the Lord... all around me.. in any circumstance. He is my forever LOVE and my DESIRE. 

dwelling in His presence, I can face my day, I can walk around this next corner this morning confident.. He is FAITHFUL

#SoliDeoGloria

.. even what the enemy means for evil, you turn it for our good.....

so amazing to see proof of what we believe to be true right in front of my own eyes..

24 hours ago I woke up... it was a nice, sunny day.. I was busy getting ready for a busy day at work, and an even busier day after ... last steps to be taken for the closing of my condo to go smoothly on Monday, plans to move some things that night.... a busy couple of weeks ahead, finally starting this new chapter in my life...

today, the day promises to be a beautiful one, at least as it pertains to the weather...
for me, and compared to where I was 24 hours ago... as my favourite Cartoon character of my childhood would say... "The sky had fallen"......

received a  message and following phone call around 10 yesterday that had my whole life break apart around me.
a situation, not caused by me, but by carelessness by someone who was supposed to look out for me, or at least not to harm me... it is harming me now. the carefully prepared change in my life might just fall apart...

God's timing perfect, received the call minutes before the weekly prayer meeting with my team and my pastor... my human nature wanted to get busy and try to figure the situation out right away, but the power of heaven in me, my beloved Holy Spirit, told me otherwise...

prayer time it was...... numb, in shock, scared and devastated, the people God had placed around me at that moment in my life, lifted me up in prayer and from there I embarked on trying to figure out how to go on... with a peace, that wouldn't allow panic or fear to take a hold...

heard this last week: When things fall apart, God is just rearranging things..... Ha!

after a few phone calls, some of the things I thought I would lose might be restored to me.. or maybe not quite the way I thought it would all pen out.. yet, God showing me His care and provision through unlikely sources and through His people... I will trust Him... because, this is STILL true:

Your plans are still to prosper, 

You have not forgotten us,

You're with us in the fire and the flood,

You're faithful forever,

perfect in love,

YOU ARE SOVEREIGN OVER US

cried at the concert a week ago, worshipping with an abandoned heart when my fav artist sang this song... thankful for the things He was doing... and now, even though all this has come crumbling down for me, it is still true... it's His Word......

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

and:

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Even what the enemy means for evil,

you turn it for our good,

you turn it for our good,

for your glory

Even in the valley your are faithful,

you are working for our good, 

for your glory...

in this valley, in this man made valley, made by carelessness, selfishness and greed.... He is still faithful... I will put my trust in Him... by His strength and grace. To Him be the Glory!