.. we hit a wall... and then God opens a door....

when we seek Him.. Jesus, He will be found... when we draw near to Him, Jesus, He will draw near to us.. when we seek Him earnestly.. He will reward us.. Jesus that is...

what do you think reward means in this context?

I have been rewarded greatly in the last one and a half years...

when I hit the wall three and a half years ago.. I clung to Him, I ran to Him, I sought Him with all my heart..there was no other hope for me.... and He opened a door for me...

He called me to open a Pregnancy Center... I had felt for years that He wanted me to do something to help women that had had an abortion find His forgiveness.. I had prayed and asked how.. tried different ways of reaching out and laid it to rest... continuing to ask God to show me how..

then I hit the wall... and He opened the door... not quite 2 years later I and my team of wonderfully capable women, with the support of the Elders of my church, opened what God had had in mind all along...

since then, every day at Hope for Life is a reward to me... the quiet days when we take care of the sorting and preparing that has to be done and have time to minister to one another... the busy ones, when one client after another comes in and we can bless them.. the prayer times and the times a client reaches out to me, no matter the time of day... when I can encourage them or help them with practical little things I can do or say...

a blessing I didn't expect, or even think about, was how God would bless me with new friends .... close relationships with my Volunteers and even with some clients..

I am in constant awe and I know I do not deserve it.. God chooses to bless me... reward me .. all I have done and keep on doing is drawing near to Him.. because I love Him...
He wants that for all of us... I know it. because the Bible tells me so :)

...a shower of blessings... PRAISE BE TO THE LORD...

as the day is coming to an end at Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center, I am sitting here at my desk, for the first time today really, and I get a chance to reflect on how blessed we all are....

had someone here this morning from a community distress centre, wonderful to connect with someone with a heart for the community like we have..

through her we were reminded again how GOOD God is.... we do not have to "fundraise"... God gave us a house to use, furniture, phone lines, printers, paper,  curriculum to teach, time to counsel and mentor, time to sort the clothing He has given us, love and smiles to hand out the diapers and wipes and other baby things He provides..

He has brought the clients, has given us genuine care, love and compassion for them, the wisdom to walk alongside them... He has given us an over abundance of volunteers to touch the lives of the clients.. all in their very special ways...

He is in the business of saving them, excited to have  a group of New Believers starting their first Bible Study today...

this weekend the Living Hope Community Care Center will officially be opened... a representative of the town will cut the ribbon and we will celebrate... celebrate the GOODNESS of our God... He is actively pushing back the gates of hell, saving one soul at a time..

To Him be the Glory forever and ever AMEN  #SOLIDEOGLORIA

..pain suffered.. God's BEST for me??????

on May 17, 1996, the man I had been living with for almost 4 years already and I, got married.

on December 18, 2009 I received an email that officially ended this relationship...
the year leading up to this event probably was the worst year in my life...
since then, May 17, which happens to be my Mother's Birthday as well, has been a day of remembering, feeling the pain, fading as it has been, yet highlighted... obviously.

this year, the fact that my Mother, turning 73, who suffers from cancer, was able to travel and celebrate her birthday with us, and the transformation in my heart just over the last 2 weeks or so, had me totally forget it was my "not anymore Anniversary" too...

reminded by my Ex husband, who reached out to me in a way he never has before, open, considerate and kind, I believe this has now been another step in the healing process, a process my Jesus has been committed to from the beginning....

more committed than even I have been... just a few weeks ago I found myself in another of those pits.. self pity party brought on by legitimate feelings.. "family events" without me, difficulties because of singleness and just plain loneliness.. how fitting it was I found out about the fact that I have not trusted God in regards to be good... ALL THE TIME.... as in, to me, in regards to the losses and hurts in my life...

as I was letting  His Word sink into my heart again a few days ago, He reminded me... He reminded me that He had not been surprised when my then husband walked away, totally dismissing his commitment to me and my children... that in reality it was something He, God, did for my best, their best...  as much as I was not able to see whatever could be good about breaking up a marriage that even though it had been a struggle all along, was still a covenant made before God, and therefore should never be broken...
I had seen myself dealing with the fall out of something contrary to God's will, as written in His Word, and it was hard. too hard at times.. painful, horribly painful....so all I could be ok with was God, even though He didn't want this, was now making the best out of the horrific situation ....

it dawned on me:
in a way I had put my God in a little box.... and then, because apparently He really couldn't do much, I ended up not quite trusting Him to give me the desires of my heart...

fact remains: He is sovereign, in total control... I believe that... but, I guess I couldn't allow "knowing" to reach my heart because that would have meant to  start processing that the pain I had suffered.. was God's good for me.... ???  :O

the amount of times I have counselled others that way... like I said, I believe it... His best is what makes me more like Him, grows me up in my faith and allows me to know Him more... more closely, more intimately...

well, I guess it will take some time for me to fully process this, so please forgive me if this has been confusing..

in the mean time, like I shared a week ago, I am asking Him to grow my faith in Him always giving me His best.. the desires of my heart but most of all, His, my Father in Heaven's desires for me.... trusting Him for answering this prayer with a YES... because it is what He has wanted from me all along... that I would TRUST Him... because He indeed is GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!!

....SUPER HEROES OF THE FAITH....

have I mentioned how blessed I am????
have I told you how much I love where my Lord has placed me so long ago?
I LOVE MY CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, I am so blessed, again, today, by worshipping with my church family, by the sermon and the challenges...

"Super Heroes of the Faith" started this series a few weeks ago... working through chapter 11 of Hebrews, the "Hall of Faith" by each week looking at one of them, as they are listed there...

today: Enoch... who by faith sincerely sought God, pleased Him and went to be with God...
challenged about how sincerely do we, as Born Again Christians really SEEK God...
 how much are we only Deists, believing in the existence of God, even of Jesus, His son and the fact that we needed His forgiveness to be reconciled with God.... but that's where it ends for so many of us..

LOVE MY CHURCH also, because maybe six or seven years ago the Lord impressed on our leadership the importance of being taught how to draw close to the Lord, daily, come together in a cell group to share what God has been saying to us in the daily quiet time... and hear a sermon on that same passage at our weekly celebration worship service..

the discipline to draw near to Him has become something I will not forsake...a place of wonder and awe, challenge, deep intimacy with the Creator of the Universe, love and belonging and more... no words to describe it...

it's there He shows me, like my pastor ( who I love.. obviously) said today, the deepest hurts and hang ups, the fragile places that need His healing.. it's there He reveals things to me and allows my mind to grasp things that are too marvellous for words.. it is where my heart needs to be... wants to be, loves to be....

started out wanting to share something that He revealed to me over the last week or so, but this has to wait now... I just got caught up in what my Lord gave me more than 15 years ago... my precious church home.. a place to belong, to grow, to be nurtured and challenged.. a place to love and be loved by sisters and brothers in Christ... so thankful for His provision!!!

... it's all about me,me ,me... NOT

wow... I guess since I have been single I have had the opportunity to pick the brains of  different  Christian men, something I really never did before, other than maybe my pastor, small group leader and such... over the years I have encountered many different points of views and opinions and..

as I am following the "Christian discussion" on all those different social networks, I am seeing the same kind of stuff going on...

what I am talking about is what we see in this generation of kids and don't like it... it's called Entitlement.... what a horrific word... goes really well with Pride too...

"God wants me to be happy", "wouldn't He have changed my marriage by now, if He wanted me to be there in the first place" "He is all about love and so He can't really mean this"...

as I am trying to grow in faith in re to trusting in the fact that this God who owes me NOTHING, wants to bless me with the desires of my heart, after He already has given me the HUGEST gift there is:
Forgiveness and Intimacy with Him, I am flabbergasted by what is preached today in so many churches... that we just have to claim the promises, God wants us to be happy and for sure He couldn't have wanted us to suffer????????????

Really? Did not His son willingly choose to suffer so that we could have the gift of salvation???

And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:2-5

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast 1 Peter 5:10

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

it's a no brainer, if you allow the scriptures to inform you. suffering is valued by God, He allows it and He sovereignly orchestrates it.. because He is too committed to us to live our lives as as we used to before we knew Him... He has so much more for us....

ultimately we are here because we are called to glorify God. to represent Him to the world, so that others would come to know Him. it is not about our personal happiness. it's about Him.. not us.

.......your love is breath to my soul....

yesterday a dream I have had for a LONG TIME ( I think when I was maybe 12 and listened to Elton John) "kind of" came true... yup... pretty cool...

I have dreamed that someone would write me a song and play it for me.... so "kind of" means , that no, this most  wonderful friend of mine didn't write this song for me, but, he played it, recorded it and sent it half way across the world just for me....  :)

it was just one blessing my Lord had for me yesterday... a beautifully sunny and warm day... ( you appreciate it so much more of you have been depraved of it for soooooooooooo long) , an amazing church service... for sure made me feel like the dark cloud I have had over me for the last few weeks has finally left....

what did it take?

it took Christian friends to pray for me, one in particular to ask the important questions to make me see what was behind the sadness and depression...

it took me relentlessly pleading with my Jesus every free second I had...

it took immersing myself in the scripture passage in Hebrews... the one my Father in Heaven had prepared for me to be on my SCC reading plan since Tuesday night...

it took for me to drive for a few hours on Saturday and pray and repent.... calling sin a sin, and acknowledging it... finding forgiveness and freedom in the safe embrace of my Father...

it took me basking in His love, the River of Life that flows from His throne... to be able to breathe again... to be able to see His truth... not distorted messages from people that just don't know any better...

I was able to rather than feel sorry for myself to  have to deal with "everything "( as in no one to share the burden of life.. all it's to do's and such ) to start dealing with it... :)

rather than staying home and being sad to be alone, I made myself available to others on the weekend as well...

and then I saw this this morning: " Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth"...... HA...

so, I think, I needed an adjustment... I needed to come to my Father, I needed to tell Him how miserable I was, I needed His Word and His love to gently convict me, heal some wounds and forgive my part in it... and then my attitude could change... I have come to Him with my doubts, doubts that He will give me the desire of my heart... and instead of doubting now I go to Him and tell Him that even though my faith in Him in this regard is rather tiny... it doesn't matter, because He is great... I am asking Him to increase my faith... so that I can continue to attempt great things for Him, and expect great things from Him.....

..will He not give us everything else???

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. 

Hebrews 11: 1

ha.. how fitting to read this this morning.... trying to get to the bottom of my sadness a friend just asked me some probing questions.....

what I found was interesting and really has a lot to do with this verse in Hebrews chapter 11.

with an earthly father who was never "safe", where horrific downpours of cruelty were threatening at all times, where no real blessing of even being important in some way could ever be seen...

I learned early on to not expect anything and be ok with the suffering and the neglect.........

as much as I have met my Heavenly Father on a very different level before, I guess I still don't quite believe that "what I hope for will actually happen"... and so I do what I know best... I assume the worst and be ok with it.... I accept suffering and strive to be who He wants me to be...

I know that when we suffer we also know Him in His suffering, that we are to take up our cross daily, that God is more interested in us becoming more holy, like Him, rather than our happiness... 

 but because of how I was conditioned, I totally overlook that loving Father's heart... that heart that is inclined in a very loving way to want to give me the desire of my heart.....

that He delights in blessing me.... and even though He has orchestrated the suffering that has refined me in the past and will continue to grow me up somehow He also wants me to be sure of the things I hope for...... because He loves me...

I know that when He saved me He already gave me the best gift ever.. I usually take this as I don't even need anything more, He definitely doesn't owe me anything.... but I forget, just can't get me little frightened head and heart around the fact that indeed He wants to give me so much more...

If God is for us, who can ever be against us?  Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 

Romans 8: 31+32

He wants to give more than He did in giving His son, He wants me to have faith in the things hoped for... and He promises this:

Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

Hebrews 11: 6

For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6: 32-34

with Him, I can deal with what I have to day by day, in His love, as I seek Him, He will bless me and reward me... He will give me all things, since He already has given me His son.... so what's the problem? I struggle to trust Him.... I know it in my head, but not in my heart... He knows the desires of my heart and He will give them to me, in His time... Thank you, Lord