.. confessions of a bride-to-be....

shame.
guilt.

not from God.
He was the One who sent His Son to take away all our shame and pay the price so we would no longer have to be guilty / feel guilty

He is the One who taught us what is right and wrong.
so we would know that we are guilty.

all of us.
He also provided the way out.

so.
here is my latest story of shame and guilt.

if you have been reading my blog or know me,
you probably know that I have been married twice before.

yes.
since I am not trying to please man, but God and He has forgiven me for all my sins,
I do not hide anything from anyone

so.
married to escape my family and all it's dysfunction when very young,
not a Christian at the time, I didn't think anything was wrong to leave that marriage when it failed after 5 years.

I actually thought I was doing my two children a favour by taking them away from an atmosphere of constant fighting

just shows you how this world tells us all kind of lies.
I believed them.

God opened my eyes just 2 years later to who He is and what His plan really is.
bowing my knees to Him and committing to follow Him, receiving His forgiveness I married the man that I was already living with at the time.

that marriage, built on sand, not founded on the rock was tough, to say the least and ended in us all being betrayed and abandoned.

let me tell you, I tried and I tried and I tried. with God's help. on my own strength. and I tried some more and then it still ended. not my choice. I would have never left. I knew now that it was not what God wanted, that it was a sin and I was not going to do this to my children. so I trusted Him.

and it ended.

that was tougher
but I learned something.

my hope is in HIM,
not in Him fixing me and my circumstances.
in Him.
and He never leaves.
He keeps His promises.

so now, I am even more in love with Him
I want to please Him even more and be obedient to Him.

walking with Him closely over the last 5 1/2 years
I have been blessed.

and then He had this man for me.
this godly man.
this man that had been walking with Him. clinging to Him like I have.
and for the first time in my entire life I know I am loved,
cherished and valued by a man.

so, as we are planning this wedding,
and yes, it's my 3rd one.
I realized that I felt ashamed.
I felt I didn't deserve to be a bride.
dress and wedding and beautiful decorations and all.

so when I was out looking for a dress, God used a sales person and my best friend to make me see
that yes, I am a bride.
I have been forgiven.
God has cleansed me and I am a bride.
I am going to be married and God will bless it.
He wants me to walk down that aisle / lawn feeling giddy and blessed and pure..

He has restored me fully and I have no reason to feel ashamed.

so. I ended up ordering my wedding dress.
and it surprised me that it indeed is that.
A Wedding Dress.
not just some nice and pretty dress.

the sales person kept on asking me.. "do you feel like a bride in this dress"...

that's when I heard Him say..
"you are, Miriam, you are...
nothing wrong with picking a dress that makes you feel like one"

All Praise be to Him, and Him only

#SoliDeoGloria