... oh me of little faith.... :(

.. so I am kind of hip for being 50 ( or so I like to think ).. I have an account on twitter but I don't really tweet, let alone anyone retweets or favorites any of my tweets ( which really are my fb statuses most of the time, so that gives me away as kind of old too )....
anyways, I just had a ton of notifications on twitter and saw that 4 different people had just over the last week put me on their "great/ best/ Blogging Superstar" lists.... too funny...

did they not get the message that I was not going to be blogging anymore... hahaha...

truth be told the last 3 weeks since making this statement have been so full of learning and suffering and learning and more suffering... it kind of was hard not to write about it.....

so, since I am supposedly this blogger that gets put on lists... here comes another one ;)

not sure if you can relate at all to this:

When He saved me..  when He picked me up and lifted me out of the pit.. the pit of hurt, darkness and despair... ( and let me clarify.... obviously I was not just the poor victim, I was a sinner needing grace ) when He saved me, when He quickened me and brought me to life in Him I embarked on this journey.. this walk, with Him, my Saviour, the Lover of my Soul, my friend, with my Heavenly Father, and with the Holy Spirit inside of me... never ever not in the business of changing me and making me more like Him....

over the years I have come to the conclusion that, like the Bible tells me, I have all I need in Him, all I need for godliness, all I need to be content in all circumstances, joyfully following Him, serving Him, letting Him use me for His glory and ALL THAT.... all truth...

I had embraced it in regards to my singleness and somehow had ended up thinking that since I had found out that I had been looking at this all wrong ( as in I was only complete when with a man ) had let the pendulum swing in the opposite direction not even daring to hope anymore, because, lets face it, He never promised that there would be another man, one to love Christ together with, serve Him together with.. respect and love and cherish... be loved and cherished by... and I tried to be okay with that...

oh, me of so little faith... me of such a need to figure stuff out.... when all He ever wants is TRUST..
so in my passage for the week, we are in Philemon... I read this:

At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you.

this is Paul writing to Philemon, urging Him to forgive his fugitive slave / turned Christian brother Onesimus... lot's to learn about forgiveness and that was nothing new for me... but this verse hit me...
it encouraged me...

here was Paul, a prisoner for the Gospel in Rome... expectantly hoping to be free again, so that he could come and visit his friend Philemon.... he is so confident of this that he asks Philemon to prepare a guest room for him... ha.......
Paul had learned to be content in all circumstances, He had found the ultimate joy in serving the Lord, knowing Him more intimately every day... and yet he hoped, for something as "insignificant" as the privilege to see his friend again, to be able to fellowship and to be refreshed by each other again...

the best part is... God grants him this desire of his heart... yup, just as a little cherry on top... obviously using it for His glory, but He did.....

warmth flooded my heart when I let this sink in.... so do you mean, just out of love for me and Your goodness you might just give me a "cherry on top" too? just because that's who You are... how much You love me?????

needed to hear this, going through some especially trying times right now... reminded that He has indeed done this for me in the past... how could I forget????

oh me of little faith, still can't quite get my head around just HOW BIG THIS LOVE is You have for me....... Thank you Lord, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!