... I wish we could do all the good times over again... #FredStobaugh #OhSweetLorraine

yesterday Focus on the Family posted this heartwarming story about this 96 year old man who wrote a love song to his recently deceased wife of 75 years....

I bought the little song on iTunes and it doesn't fail to get me all teary eyed.... a marriage of 75 years.. what a wonderful testimony of love and commitment...

God's design lived out.. what a blessing.

makes me think of my messed up "marriage" history....

Marriage # 1: married for the wrong reasons, both of them, the reasons, rooted in sin, my own ( the abortion) and one committed by someone else... walked away because of immaturity and lack of commitment.. no idea about God's design and law... hurt my children in the process ... 

Marriage # 2 : a follower of Christ in the meantime, not much better equipped for the lack of role models of how to be that godly wife I needed to be, fully committed to stay and learn and make it work by Christ's strength and grace... the choice wasn't mine this time...

so sad... never wanted my life to look like this..

so, the tears that come when listening to this beautiful and heartfelt little love song are tears of regret as much as such a love just touches my heart...

forgiven? yes. thankful for God's redeeming love? for sure. resting in His acceptance? you bet.

and yet... sad for leaving a legacy like that... desperately relying on my Lord to transform those things that for sure were not the way He designed it, into something beautiful.. a blessing for my children rather than a road block setting them up for the same failures...

damaged by sin, He has been at work to restore and to bind up my broken heart... 

surprisingly He is using another broken vessel to reach down into the deepest places of my heart..

amazed at what I see, and feel... the truth of what I have believed since He came and opened my eyes, that through Him all things are possible, happening right in front of my eyes and inside this rather cautious soul of mine....

one step at a time..  hand in hand with my Father... my Daddy, who has my back.... I might just dare to open this heart up once again... if He is for it...  :)

... Beautiful you are my darling....

so, the love languages....  I know which ones mine are.....
I understand the importance of being committed to understand and communicate with your loved ones in their love language........... if you pay attention you can pick up on them very easily...

my question is: should you, when getting to know someone, someone God obviously brought into your life, make sure that he has the same love languages..

funny, as I am writing down the question I already kind of know the answer...

Philippians 2:3-8:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.


 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

 Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
 rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
 And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

and.... 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

so, then again, much more then seeking for that perfect match, even in something as helpful as the love languages... rather seek for someone who seeks first the Kingdom, and all these things will be given to you... right???

a relationship between two Christians that are committed to Jesus and the Word of God ( the same, ha) will work out because both will not be self seeking, both will put the other's needs before their own... and tada..

they will be able to communicate love to one another in the way the other understands...
pretty cool, that's what He does... the Jesus who loves us....

thanks for helping me out with this one :)

... I shall not want.... #FortunateFall #AudreyAssad

another morning, His mercies new... right there for me.. as I am drawing close to Him, He is drawing close to me....
ushered into His presence, my heart wide open, I am saturated by His Love.. His Goodness... His Tenderness...

it is amazing to me how my Father in His infinite kindness orchestrates, inspires and creates this place of intimacy with Him...

 I do not leave from here at all, even as my day goes on and I am busy going about all the things He has laid out for me today..

it's like being connected by this invisible umbilical cord... eternally connected because He thought of me even before the world began..

I am adopted as His daughter, a princess by adoption... my Father is the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords and He is able to accomplish everything that comes my way....

His goodness and mercy shall follow me all my life... and I shall trust in His promise... can it get any better than this???

snuggled up in His arms my soul sings...
set to beautifully flowing piano and violin music, this wonderful young lady's voice leads me into a deeper place with Him....

from the love of my own comfort

from the fear of having nothing

from a life of worldly passions

deliver me oh God

from the need to be understood

from a need to be accepted

from the fear of being lonely

deliver me oh God

deliver me oh God

and I shall not want

no I shall not want

when I taste your goodness 

I shall not want

when I taste your goodness

I shall not want

from the fear of serving others

from the fear of death or trial

from the fear of humility

deliver me oh God

deliver me oh God.

and I shall not want

no I shall not want

when I taste your goodness 

I shall not want

when I taste your goodness

I shall not want

"I shall not want"

 by Audrey Assad

"Fortunate Fall"

available on iTunes :)

..Christ wins another part of your heart....

When you choose to forgive, 

the person that wounded you does not win. 

Christ wins. 

He wins another piece of your heart.

 ~ Justin Davis ‪#‎BeyondOrdinary‬

as a biblical counsellor myself, the concept of forgiveness is very familiar to me.. I understand the principles behind it ..

• God commands it --> obviously we need to be obedient. Jesus Himself even told us if we didn't we wouldn't be forgiven either.. ( that scares the beejeebees out of me, you? )
• we choose to... the feelings will follow, God will heal the wounds inflicted by the one sinning against us
• we are not saying that what was done was ok, we are only accepting that God is the only one that can be holy and just enough to judge... the perpetrator will be held accountable
• we cut the chains that through sin committed against us have bound us to the person that we forgive, we finally can be free
• if we are holding on to hurt, it will not only hurt us, but this root of bitterness will poison many around us as well

forgiving is not easy... and I for one think that only when we are aware of our own sinfulness and the need for forgiveness are we capable to be obedient and forgive.

September 14 is when it will have been 4 years that I finally found the proof that my husband indeed was having an affair with my cousin / best friend.....

without going into any detail, let me tell you it was hard to forgive..... but it was the right thing to do and God came through for me.. again and again.. He has brought about healing, no root of bitterness could spring up... my daughters have seen me hurt and still try to live obediently.. by God's grace and His strength alone was I able to be a good example to them.... my prayer is that they too will choose to obey God rather than act out of their hurt feelings and walk down a road of destruction...

so this morning's quote rang true to me, deep in my heart it resonated with what I know to be true..

I do love the way this man of God put it.... Jesus wins another part of our hearts each time we forgive... never thought of it that way before... makes me happy inside... and it makes so much sense... surrendering the right to get even or at least to be angry and to hold on to the hurt allows Jesus to control more of our heart and soul.... living the way He wants us to always will mean blessing..

trusting Him with the healing of the hurt and with our future rather than holding on to the lie that we have some kind of control in the matter... such freedom ... 

something to ponder : as Christians do we even have the right whatsoever to withhold forgiveness... isn't forgiveness what Christianity is all about? the relationship we have with our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is based on the forgiveness that is extended to us the moment we are saved? 

another post tonite on Facebook that sums it all up I think: "Don't be a part-time Christian who demands a full-time God" 

He deserves our best... He deserves our trust and our obedience... so let not the sun go down on any offence done to you today...

... I must decrease, You must increase.....

I am quite amazed what God can do in the life of a "middle aged" :O ????? woman.... ( I guess when you are almost 50 that's what one needs to call herself... hmmm )

there have been years in my life I had to be a "domestic queen"... the early years in each of my children's lives... when nothing that was available for purchase was tolerated by their little digestive systems..

baked rice, spelt, corn, buckwheat and quinoa breads, ... couldn't really be called that "bread" .. but hey, they were small and didn't know any better..

then, I loved making jam, again, in an effort to have something with less or no sugar..

have liked to make cranola bars and baked a lot of gluten free cookies and banana bread not so long ago.... but... something new is happening in me.. and who else but my dear, tender, loving Father could be the One doing this...

I have been making all kinds of pickled stuff... bread and butter pickles, dill pickles and even pickled beets... the jam making is going to be brought back to live and... I have so many things I am "itching" to make to give away as Christmas presents, starting this yesterday by making "Lavender Soap".. smells beautiful and looks very dainty and nice too............

just ordered some chalk paint to "shabbify" my antique market finds and I am EXCITED!!!! (so weird )

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:18-19

my head is spinning a bit, because He indeed is doing a new thing... not just in those little "outside fun areas" but deep inside me.... 

always on a journey with my Daddy, He has taken me by His hand and we are walking... Weeping Willow trees are growing in this garden.. the path He is leading me on is peaceful and saturated by His love, it is so new, I am not quite getting my head around it all... showing me things I didn't know and driving home this one thing most of all: .....He must increase... and I must decrease ....

"sanding away" the rugged edges and showing me new aspects of  the lush fullness of a life with Him... indeed He is leading me out of the wasteland of the only life I have known so far... He IS restoring the years the locusts have eaten... I am amazed and surprised and vulnerable... trustingly putting my hand in His I am surrendering fully to Him... humbled I know that He is the One turning into something marvellous that, which "those" didn't know any better but to intend for evil...

freedom from the pain and hurt, forgiveness flowing like a stream bringing life to the deepest crevices of my soul............. He has been flooding me with His love and His protection like not experienced before..

..you are my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want,

 beside still waters you lead my spirit on, 

your hand will guide me, 

no matter where I go, 

in darkest valleys, 

your love is not  forlorn...... 

I will dwell in your house forever..

 lead me on, lead me on ..

I fear no evil for you are with me... 

you set this table before my enemies, 

and you anoint me, 

you overflow my cup, 

and they will follow me, 

your goodness and your love...

 I will dwell in your house forever... 

lead me on, lead me on....

your rod and your staff are a strange a mercy

 in a world where I am not yet home...

 lead me on.....

I will dwell in your house forever.. 

I will dwell in your house forever....

 lead me on, lead me on....

Lead Me On

by Audrey Assad

( LOVE HER)

..I tell you again even with tears...

.. lazy summer days... lot's of time to reflect and bask in the warm embrace of my Father... listening to the newly released album of Audrey Assad...beautifully peaceful and sweet... and yet,   at times I can't help to be overwhelmed by the contrast of what God has for me, a citizen of His Kingdom and what is going on all around me..

.. at the "tender" ;) age of 15 I set foot on North American soil for the very first time... I was fascinated and knew then, that I wanted to live "here" ( which was the state of Wisconsin, where I stayed with a family for a student  summer exchange ) things worked out a bit differently and I have called Canada my home for the last 21 years... 

I do still have quite a connection to our neighbour in the south though and when asked why, I can't really explain..maybe it goes back to this first magical summer in Wisconsin... 

10 years ago I became a citizen of Canada and for that I had to take an exam and afterwards had to swear an oath to the Queen of England..

my citizenship was now Canadian and it helped me, I think to put my roots down even more..

pondering all the possibilities my Lord has been blessing me with, I am wondering if it might be His will to bring me "full circle" in regards to my citizenship sometime in my future..

now all of this is rather exciting but the truth still remains to be this:

 Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do.  For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.  Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.  But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,  who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

Philippians 3:17-21

growing closer to Him for sure has made the contrast of His Kingdom and the kingdom of this world so much more noticeable ... so sad at times .. bringing tears to even the apostle Paul's eyes.. so thankful that my eyes are set not on earthly things but on Christ, who controls all things...

 so no matter if there will be another citizenship here on earth for me or not.. I am blessed to have "passed the exam" and sworn the oath... never deserving or even wanting it, He made me a citizen 19 years ago... I will praise Him without ceasing from now until eternity...

#SoliDeoGloria

...undeserved love permeating the soul...

floating down the Credit River ...  Willow trees along the river banks, providing a beautiful covering filtering the sunbeams...

a memory... brought to my mind often in the last month when reflecting where my Lord has me these days...

feeling  so full of peace and blessed...
so full of love for my Jesus it brings me to tears every time I think of Him...
loving the peaceful "Daddy-times" in the morning.. worshipping Him with all my soul and feeling such love that I am at a loss what to do with those feelings... it is a wonderful place to be..

a week, so highly anticipated, and thanks to the Father, exceeding all expectations..
beauty touching my soul in this specific way only He could come up with and recreate for the little girl deep inside...
harmony and love flowing abundantly... rest and laughter, the perfect mix... giving Him the glory for every second of it.. oh how I love Him...

just a few months ago wondering if His goodness to me could ever just mean blessing, perfectly fine with the suffering part of His plan for my life, it took me some time to believe that there could be a stretch on my journey that could just be calm and sunny...... where His peace permeates my soul in such a way that I can't help but break into praises and thanksgiving over and over again...

drinking it in... every moment of every day... letting go of the last little tension originating in this fear and self defence mechanism that was ingrained at such an early age... relaxing every fiber of my body, mind and soul into the arms of Him from whom all blessings flow.. into the arms of Him who has my back... who is my refuge and shelter and all that I will ever need...

..sitting at your feet, is where I want to be.. I am home when I am here with you, ruined by your grace, enamoured by your gaze, I can't resist the tenderness of you.... there is a deep desire, that's burning like a fire to know you as my closest friend.. I am deep in love with you, Abba Father, my heart it beats for you, precious Jesus, I am deep in love with you Lord...

so far from the vision I got when hearing this song for the first time over 4 years ago, my Father has indeed picked me up, all the broken pieces scattered on the floor and lovingly restored me....

loving Him because He first loved me...... #SoliDeoGloria