The new addition to our family, our 3 months old puppy Molly is the reason I am up early on this first day of 2017...Sitting in my chair next to the beautifully lit Christmas tree ( and yes, my Christmas decorations will not come down for a while yet) a soft blankie keeping me warm and my little puppy curled up on my legs, I have been spending some time with my best friend this morning...
all day yesterday or maybe I should say the last 2 days since the last of my daughters departed, I have been reflecting and I have been a little sad..
I am not sure why it hits me more now than it did during Christmas with it's traditions and memories... I guess maybe because it was busy and my children who I miss most of the year were here with me... so, now that they have left and the old year was coming to an end... the reflecting and with it the sadness have been flooding my thoughts and my heart...
I am a very grateful follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, in His great mercy and grace He has seen fit to open my eyes one Sunday morning in June of 1994... finally done searching for purpose and ultimately Him, my Saviour, I have been spending the last 22 1/2 years to get to know Him more, to trust Him and obey Him, in His strength and by His amazing grace... walking with Him through this life I have encountered a lot of suffering and many trials.. some of which are ongoing... I understand why He allows them and I am submitting to His Will, His total Sovereignty..
"re-memorizing" 1 Peter I am reminded that I rejoice in suffering grief in all kinds of trials because through them my faith, of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire, may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed..
grief in all kinds of trials... like when the person that just by the fact that she was the one whose heartbeat I heard from the inside, always was ( even when I was not aware of that anymore ) at least one of the most important in my life, suddenly wasn't with us anymore.. that this heart just stopped beating and I wasn't even there with her... that kind of grief that is something I just can't get beyond.. get my head around... it, like any other grief, like seeing loved ones suffer and walk away from the Lord more and more, like seeing the wicked prosper and facing the prospect of real loss in some very significant way.... that grief is there to when I have stood the test make my faith come forth as gold...
grief and trials are messy... and I know that there is a lot more of this around and that some people have had to suffer a lot more grief than I have... and all we have, and that is such an amazing gift, is to remember who He is that is walking through all the sadness and the messiness with us.. it is He who not only came down to earth as a little baby to offer Himself as the spotless lamb, to pay for our sins once and for all, He also promised to never leave us or forsake us... He is the One who understands our grief and difficulty like no one else.. He is the One who holds on to us when we don't even have the strength to hold on to Him... He is the One who will bring us safely to His Heavenly Kingdom when our last heart beat here on earth is used up...
He has promised us comfort, peace and rest here with Him, always available to us... getting it we just have to believe and surrender our feeble attempts to control what was never ours to control to begin with...
the last year had some significant grief and trials.. and next year might very well be as bad or worse... but this is what life is... heartaches and losses are what we can expect... in it all, He is steadfast and faithful and He ( and that I know for a fact ) rejoices over each one of us who know Him with singing... He quiets us with His love and He is indeed mighty to save us ....
thanking Him for His constant attention to every detail of my messy life, I can relax and leave it all up to Him while enjoying the peace that totally surpasses all I could ever dream up.. I sink into His embrace and tenderly put my head on His shoulder, right where I can hear His heartbeat ... and I know that I am His daughter and I am loved...
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