..piling the ever more scary things on again and again...

one of the biggest blessings in my life is to share what the Lord is teaching me...
an even bigger blessing is when I get to share this with my children..
because, let's face it.. that's what we are called to do as parents..
now my children aren't children anymore ( they will always be my little munchkins :) but they are quite grown up... so, it's even a bigger blessing to share with them and for them to appreciate it..

a few days ago, as one of them was sharing her frustration with me, and as I was praying for her and thinking about it, I had another one of those "AHA" moments..

not a specifically new concept but it just came to me like this, straight from Him who will never give up on making me more like Him..

I was happy to share this with my daughter.. "fresh from the press" so to speak..
and that's what I said ( texted )

 

the cool thing was that she, this wonderful young woman, I love her so much, was so willing to hear Him...

thinker that I am I realized that this is what He is doing with me, has been doing with me for the last 3 years or so.. not about anger and forgiveness .. but about being anxious and fearful..

it seems I am a difficult case when it comes to that.. my "twin sister from another mother( and father obviously) " and another continent ( she was born on the exact day as me just in India, and I in Germany ) just said about herself not so long ago: "I am fearful by nature".. and is this ever true for me..

there were so many, many things I was fearful of... by nature, by default, always, as long as I can remember..

there were fears of flying, my teacher, the dentist, loved ones dying in car accidents and the list goes on..

since walking with my Lord He has delivered me from many of my fears.. it's quite amazing..

and yet, He is doing exactly what I told my daughter about how He makes us more like Him with me.. He keeps on piling the ever more scary things on again and again...

so, as I am, by renouncing my specific fear and reciting my fav memory verse to myself whenever the fear of certain scenario creeps up ( Surely, God is my salvation.. I will TRUST and NOT BE AFRAID.. the Lord, the Lord Himself is my strength and my defence, He has become my salvation ) by His strength overcoming the particular fear I am facing, He will not give up on teaching me for fear no longer to be my default response to potentially difficult circumstances ...

being convicted that some of this fear has to do with me being chicken, a coward, not wanting more difficulties and hardships to deal with, I was reminded that as I follow Him, I am called to pick up my cross daily, follow Him and know Him in His suffering ... my flesh is weak, that part of me that just would like a break.. but the Spirit is willing..

so off we go, crossing that border back into Canada in a few days ( fear of maybe having a hard time to get back in when I come back has kept me here for the last few months - by His strength I decided that I was not going to be paralyzed by that any longer ) 

a court / lawyer appointment, facing issues that have nothing to do with me head on.. 

traveling to be there for family, young and old ( by plane.. no longer a fear for me )..  a blessing and heart breaking at the same time, physical and emotional stress. and yes.. I would so much rather just stay here with my beloved husband.. hiding from all that is not easy.. living the comfortable life.. but that's just not what we are called to do....

and then, this morning, in the Word with my husband, this most wonderful man of God, we stumbled across this:

Though mountains will be shaken and hills will be removed, 

yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, 

nor will my covenant of peace be removed, 

says the Lord who has compassion on you..

Isaiah 54:10

no reason for fear whatsoever..

To Him be all Glory and Praise Forever 

AMEN