"reacting to conflict in ways I cannot control"

“Behold, my servant whom I have chosen,

    my beloved with whom my soul is well pleased.

I will put my Spirit upon him,

    and he will proclaim justice to the Gentiles.

 He will not quarrel or cry aloud,

    nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets;

 a bruised reed he will not break,

    and a smoldering wick he will not quench,

until he brings justice to victory;

     and in his name the Gentiles will hope.”

claimed this promise for myself a few years ago, when I started writing this blog... He said He wouldn't break me .. and I know He won't..

reminded of this passage of scripture by a most wonderful friend today, I have been thinking about it again..

a bruised reed, a weak reed.. a fragile, already quite broken, helpless and vulnerable little reed... that would be me..

looking at some pictures yesterday of myself as a little girl I found one of my mother and my siblings and I.. I was about 2... looking quite sad in this picture ( everyone else was laughing ) I asked my mother before how come I looked so sad... she said I seemed to be sad most of the time... ha.......

read an article about trauma and depression and how to handle it as a Christian and this is what this young woman wrote:

"Now I understand that my reactions had nothing to do with whatever it was that scared me and everything to do with neuropaths laid from a childhood household dynamic that left me feeling insecure, out of control, and ready to bolt at all times......."

thinking about my childhood household dynamic I know for a fact that it left me feeling insecure, out of control and too afraid to face anything that came my way.. a sad little girl that started to cry when her father talked to her.. that couldn't sleep because she feared she might not have done her homework right and that was so afraid of EVERYTHING... 

thankfully, all along.. the One that God the Father had chosen, the gentle One, who pleases the soul of the Father, the One that treats those the Father has given Him with compassion and love, He, Jesus, was watching over me... giving me hope and strength and grace and has taken so many of those fears away in the past...

and when, like the lady said "my body reacts to conflict in ways I can't control"  He, in His gentle power and loving embrace picks me up and looks me in the eye and tells me once again....." a tender reed I will not break... take refuge in my arms, listen to my heartbeat and believe me..... you are safe here, no one can harm you..... I walk with you through all your heartaches and stresses, through the losses and the panic... I will disentangle and rewire the messes those experiences have created in you... and I will not stop until I have done it completely... until I have fully restored you, my beloved child......"

writing this, tears of gratitude and love are rolling down my face... and, in awe, as always at such a love as this... I fling my arms around His neck and bury my tear stained face in the place where it fits so perfectly... right beneath His strong shoulders... feeling His heartbeat I am able to relax... let go... and HOPE....

“Remember not the former things,

    nor consider the things of old.

 Behold, I am doing a new thing;

    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

    and rivers in the desert.

 The wild beasts will honor me,

    the jackals and the ostriches,

for I give water in the wilderness,

    rivers in the desert,

to give drink to my chosen people,