... being "someone" in this world????

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

 Who, being in very nature God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

 rather, he made himself nothing

    by taking the very nature of a servant,

    being made in human likeness.

 And being found in appearance as a man,

    he humbled himself

    by becoming obedient to death—

        even death on a cross!

Philippians 2: 3-8

yesterday, as I once again was thinking about how through trials, choosing to be grateful, one grows closer to God and is able to reflect Him more and more...

this is what came to mind:

during the worst time of my life so far, almost 6 years ago, I was, not by choice like Jesus, but still ..humbled..

I was, as I understood it and as society understands it.. made nothing ( the discarded half of something that didn't exist anymore )... I lost what I valued, what ascribed me value.. being the wife of a successful business man, loved and cherished, or so I thought, mother of three beautiful kids,  our family looked, at least to the outside world , like we had it all made ... 

as much as I didn't think that this was defining me, I found out just how much it had, when I lost it..

I had been betrayed and lied to, I had been found wanting and gotten rid of, I was stripped of that which made me kind of a success in today's world, I was hurt profoundly, I was without hope..  and I was embarrassed... humbled...

stripped of all the outside worth, I found myself crumbled on the floor......

and that was when, and here it comes... I shared in His suffering.

that was when I encountered Him on a deeper level and it turned out to be enough..

more than enough... 

this is when He drove it home to me...

that when all I had was Jesus .. I could all of a sudden see it and feel it and know it: He was all I needed...

that's when He put me back together... opened my eyes to the fact that it was about so much more than just striving to live the white picked fenced life..

that His plans for my life where far bigger than my own hopes and dreams..

today's devotion from James MacDonald spoke about living an ordinary life.. like David, who, after being anointed as king lived life as a poor shepherd and refugee, hiding in caves, fearing for His life for 10 years before he finally became king... during these years he wrote the Psalms and became the man after God's heart...

a family member mockingly described me as someone who can't deal with the bigger and better things in life and chooses to live a "small " life... well, yes, I guess... I choose the ordinary life of trying to live obediently for Him, sometimes hiding in a cave, finding refuge in the arms of my God, drawing closer to Him, understanding my need for Him and maybe His purpose for my life more..

it's not about being "someone" in this world... it's about being the one that He made me to be... faithfully serving Him where He put me... and sometimes making the tough choices that this brings with it..

those choices  will not make me more popular to the world around me... but they are pleasing to the Lord.. so quietly, I am embracing the hurt some of those choices sometimes bring, and walk, a little bit more humbly each time.. with Him... the best place to be!