it's been two weeks ( and taking down an idol )

it's been two weeks.
I have been married to the man of my dreams for 2 weeks.
grocery shopping a few days ago someone called me by my new last name.
took me a second to realize they were calling me.
ha.
it takes a moment to sink in.
the culmination of what God had been planning all along.
what a blessing to be on the other side.
I was trying to hold on to hope for many years.  sometimes I had a hard time believing there was any.
realized that I had to let go of it. trusting Him that He would always be enough.
and He was. He always is. but, because He is this extravagant Daddy, He wanted to shower us with His amazing blessings anyways. blows my mind and makes my heart sing.

it's been a stressful week. so much to do. so many changes. and then somehow the peace eluded me. missing my brand new husband, trying to be the daughter I need to be. trying to be the mother I want to be. trying to take care of my ministry and prepare for handing it over ... I was stressed. sleep was nowhere to be found and in those wee morning hours fear gripped my heart.
my child. moving to another continent to go to school. letting here go pretty scary. my parents. the situation there as chaotic as ever. sickness having it's way. so hard to watch. my move. my immigration. leaving my children, my hometown of almost 23 years, my church family, basically everyone I love ( minus this amazing husband of mine )

just too much.

this morning at church though. worshipping Him, there was this thought.. first it was just a small whisper.
"cannot let all this worry steal the joy. He is bigger. He is always faithful"
and then. the sermon. talking about peace. no surprises here. it's always relevant to me personally.and  not just me. all of us.
and there it hit me. between me and the peace my beloved Daddy usually has for me was this idol. I had put it up. unknowingly. makes sense now.
the need to be the perfect mother. somehow always feeling I had to be the saviour. the protector. making sure they were fine. being everything and all to them, doing it on my own. feeling the love and the responsibility. somehow something very good and healthy became something that took over. something that somehow totally depended on me.

still always praying, always hoping for God to be the One looking after them and protecting  them somehow I did not trust Him for it. somehow it became something that separated me from Him. that idol that was standing in the way of me fully surrendering to Him. it stood between me and the peace

came home and repented and renounced and gave it all to Him.
and now. I am excited for my youngest daughter and thankful for how she has changed and matured over the last 2 1/2 months. I know I can trust Him for her. I know that I don't have to feel guilty for what the Lord has blessed me with. a new life. that takes me far away from where our home has been all along.
it's His plan. and it is perfect. like all the plans He has for us. those plans are always to prosper. never to harm. there is always a future and always a hope.
tears again during worship time. but my little daughter. she was the one putting her arms around me. and then. when she took me to the airport and I shared what the Lord had been showing me she said this: "but Mama, you are the perfect mother"
it doesn't get much better than this.
all praise and glory to Him. so thankful.