satisfy us in the morning...

In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; 

   in the morning I lay my requests before you 

   and wait expectantly. 

Psalm 5:3

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Psalm 90:14

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, 

   for I have put my trust in you. 

Show me the way I should go, 

   for to you I entrust my life. 

Psalm 143:8

This morning, Lord, I come to you and I give you all my burdens..

This morning I ask you to help me put my trust in you.. I am leaving my burdens, worries, sadness, sorrows and hurts at your throne.. help me not to pick them up again during the day..

You alone know what this day will hold, you alone are able to keep me on the path that brings you glory.

I praise you this morning and thank you, for you keep your promises and they are many..

you have clothed me with dignity and strength, you have crowned me with honour and glory.. for your name's sake...

I rely on you to help me keep my eyes fixed on you, for you are eternal, trustworthy, righteous and holy.

You alone are worthy of my praise..

Let me not put up an idol today or grumble about my life... let me accept where you have me with thankfulness and gratitude...

I love you Lord

and I lift my voice

to worship You,

oh my soul rejoice

Satisfy us in the morning with your love

May the favour of the Lord,

 be upon us and our land,

And establish for us all

The work of our hands

Do not fret, it only leads to evil

yesterday morning I boarded a plane to England.. sick as a dog and rather distressed because of all that has been going on over the last little while, I dreaded having to be on that plane.. coughing my lungs out and just feeling plain weary from trying to beat this flu or whatever it is, I knew that this was going to be a very long seven hours....

had to say Goodbye to my last little furry companion last week, poor little trooper had gotten so very sick, the vet told us even with life prolonging measures he would only have a few weeks to live.. so we decided the in my opinion really "undecidable"... we put him to sleep..

there is a wide gap between in your head understanding something is the best solution and holding your puppy as his heart stops because you asked the vet to put an overdose of anesthetic into his vein.. sad and heartbreaking, that's for sure..

a legal matter, because of something done in my name a very long time ago, needed my attention the next day and let me just say that I do hope I never have to do anything like that again.
I left discouraged and even a bit frightened.

facing something that most likely ( I think now ) will happen in the near future, losing all that on an earthly level one would call "security" unsettled me deeply.

it was so much clearer right then and there why God gave us this scripture just a week earlier :

...though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, 

yet my unfailing love for you will never be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, 

says the Lord who has compassion on you.... 

Isaiah 54:10

I knew that this was huge when we read it in one of the devotionals we read each day...

my "in house counsel", my "almost done law school" daughter and her boyfriend confirmed some of the fears surrounding this and so after seeing them on Sunday I fell into some deep turmoil ( being sick and having to leave my husband for 12 days did not help )

another email devotion I receive every morning had a verse in Psalm 37 for me yesterday before boarding my plane.. finding it to hit the spot I read and meditated on Psalm 37 for a very long time during the 7 hours of my flight..

I prayed through it and personalized it for me.. amazes me how there is really nothing we can encounter that has not been addressed at least once in the scriptures..

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;

   fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,

    over the man who carries out evil devices!

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!

    Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

For the evildoers shall be cut off,

    but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

Psalm 37: 7-9

in my distress and my fear, I was fretting ( and I might b wrong but I take this as being anxious and afraid ) for sure, I was tempted to look at this with earthly eyes, I was tempted to take measures into my own hands and do things I wouldn't do otherwise..

fretting leads only to evil... fretting is taking my eyes off Jesus, the One from whom my help comes  the one who knows the beginning and the end, who gives and takes away, whose ways are not my ways, they are much higher, who loves me with an everlasting love and is my Jehovah Jireh, my Provider... He has been faithful before and I know He always will be..

I will not do anything that goes against He "prescribes" because this is also true:

Stepping outside of the boundaries of God's wise commands never will lead you anywhere good. Knowing what's right is a grace.

Paul David Tripp

stepping on the plane I was fretting, fear had gripped me. stepping off the plane I had my feet planted firmly where they are meant to be. standing on the rock I will trust Him and hold with open hands that which was given.. it might be taken away if that's what my loving Heavenly Father has in mind.. but I know that I will stay right smack in the middle of His will when staying under the umbrella of His authority, trusting Him to take care of me..

the covenant of peace cannot be removed.. 

The wicked borrows but does not pay back,

    but the righteous is generous and gives;

 for those blessed by the Lord shall inherit the land,

    but those cursed by him shall be cut off.

The steps of a man are established by the Lord,

    when he delights in his way;

though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,

    for the Lord upholds his hand.

 I have been young, and now am old,

    yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken

    or his children begging for bread.

He is ever lending generously,

    and his children become a blessing.

Turn away from evil and do good;

    so shall you dwell forever.

For the Lord loves justice;

    he will not forsake his saints.

They are preserved forever

I am forever grateful

we love because He first loved us.. a day after Valentine's Day.. 5 years ago

wrote this 5 years ago : 

security... love... acceptance... forgiveness....reconciliation... trust....love...acceptance....no expectations... forgiveness.. and it goes on and on and on....

it is really logical and straightforward.. there is God, the Father, the Creator... He is the one that is our fortress and refuge, He is the one that keeps us safe... He loves us enough to send His Son to the earth to give His life for the forgiveness of our sins.. through this we are reconciled to the Father and can trust Him to love us and accept us, out of the security of being loved by Him we can accept others for who they are, with a heart full of love from the Father we can love without expectations, forgive and be reconciled with the people around us, by showing this love to others they too can find the security, love, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation that leads to trust, love, acceptance etc......

today, when out celebrating my birthday again :) with a wonderful friend we ended up talking about that because I know God loves me, and is good, I trust that He had a reason for changing my heart and enabling me to love my husband like He wanted me to, even though, since he still refused to surrender himself to the Lord,  in the end it didn't change anything, but made it even harder for me to lose him.... when it first happened I wasn't sure why God would have done it like this, because I hurt so much more than I would have had He not given me this supernatural love... loving him for who he was, with God's
love, not expecting anything, forgiving and trusting....

From a worldly point of view it definitely didn't make much sense, but God knew what He was doing... when the final break up came I was able to forgive out of the love and grace God had filled me with, overflowing, it allowed me to choose not to be angry and retaliate and hate, destroying everyone and everything around me in the meantime....

because I know Him to be my Protector I do not have to worry and build huge walls around my heart to protect myself, becoming bitter, sarcastic and negative... because I trust Him I can still be open and authentic not hiding my weaknesses, being vulnerable and real.... because He has walked with me faithfully, holding me close in His arms when all I ever wanted to keep was ripped out of my heart, I know that whatever will come my way will be okay.... because my God is big enough to deal with anything and He promises me to bring me safely to His heavenly Kingdom where I will live with Him in eternal harmony, peace and love.... no tears, no lies, no hurts... until then, I am out there loving, trusting, forgiving, reconciling with people... my prayer is that in turn they will know the love and acceptance and forgiveness He has for them.... for Everyone to feel His LOVE..... that is my desire... because NOTHING COMPARES!!!

..piling the ever more scary things on again and again...

one of the biggest blessings in my life is to share what the Lord is teaching me...
an even bigger blessing is when I get to share this with my children..
because, let's face it.. that's what we are called to do as parents..
now my children aren't children anymore ( they will always be my little munchkins :) but they are quite grown up... so, it's even a bigger blessing to share with them and for them to appreciate it..

a few days ago, as one of them was sharing her frustration with me, and as I was praying for her and thinking about it, I had another one of those "AHA" moments..

not a specifically new concept but it just came to me like this, straight from Him who will never give up on making me more like Him..

I was happy to share this with my daughter.. "fresh from the press" so to speak..
and that's what I said ( texted )

 

the cool thing was that she, this wonderful young woman, I love her so much, was so willing to hear Him...

thinker that I am I realized that this is what He is doing with me, has been doing with me for the last 3 years or so.. not about anger and forgiveness .. but about being anxious and fearful..

it seems I am a difficult case when it comes to that.. my "twin sister from another mother( and father obviously) " and another continent ( she was born on the exact day as me just in India, and I in Germany ) just said about herself not so long ago: "I am fearful by nature".. and is this ever true for me..

there were so many, many things I was fearful of... by nature, by default, always, as long as I can remember..

there were fears of flying, my teacher, the dentist, loved ones dying in car accidents and the list goes on..

since walking with my Lord He has delivered me from many of my fears.. it's quite amazing..

and yet, He is doing exactly what I told my daughter about how He makes us more like Him with me.. He keeps on piling the ever more scary things on again and again...

so, as I am, by renouncing my specific fear and reciting my fav memory verse to myself whenever the fear of certain scenario creeps up ( Surely, God is my salvation.. I will TRUST and NOT BE AFRAID.. the Lord, the Lord Himself is my strength and my defence, He has become my salvation ) by His strength overcoming the particular fear I am facing, He will not give up on teaching me for fear no longer to be my default response to potentially difficult circumstances ...

being convicted that some of this fear has to do with me being chicken, a coward, not wanting more difficulties and hardships to deal with, I was reminded that as I follow Him, I am called to pick up my cross daily, follow Him and know Him in His suffering ... my flesh is weak, that part of me that just would like a break.. but the Spirit is willing..

so off we go, crossing that border back into Canada in a few days ( fear of maybe having a hard time to get back in when I come back has kept me here for the last few months - by His strength I decided that I was not going to be paralyzed by that any longer ) 

a court / lawyer appointment, facing issues that have nothing to do with me head on.. 

traveling to be there for family, young and old ( by plane.. no longer a fear for me )..  a blessing and heart breaking at the same time, physical and emotional stress. and yes.. I would so much rather just stay here with my beloved husband.. hiding from all that is not easy.. living the comfortable life.. but that's just not what we are called to do....

and then, this morning, in the Word with my husband, this most wonderful man of God, we stumbled across this:

Though mountains will be shaken and hills will be removed, 

yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, 

nor will my covenant of peace be removed, 

says the Lord who has compassion on you..

Isaiah 54:10

no reason for fear whatsoever..

To Him be all Glory and Praise Forever 

AMEN

sad. disappointed. helpless. scared?

in this world you will have trouble.
in this world you will be sad. disappointed. your heart will be broken.
in this world you will be afraid. you will be discouraged. and scared.
in this world things will turn out differently than you like.
in this world you will feel powerless and helpless.
in this world you will see loved ones make poor choices.
in this world it will be tough to make it through a day.
in this world things might look really bad for a very long time.
in this world things might just be so unfair.

but this is what He said:

that's all true but take heart. be of good cheer. I, who was there in the beginning, through me all things have been made, I, have overcome the world.

I have plans, to prosper, not to harm. to give HOPE and a future.
I am faithful. I never sleep nor slumber.
I am victorious. what the enemy means for evil, I WILL turn into good for those that love me.
I watch over your coming and going. my love is never-ending and I am all powerful.
none of my plans will be thwarted. I am sovereign. and I am on your side. I am for you.


I have people on this earth that will be like me to you.
I have people that will use their gifts from me to hold you up when you feel you can't.

this is what one of them has for you:

There is strength within the sorrow

There is beauty in our tears

And You meet us in our mourning

With a love that casts out fear

You are working in our waiting

You're sanctifying us

When beyond our understanding

You're teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper

You have not forgotten us

You're with us in the fire and the flood

You're faithful forever

Perfect in love

You are sovereign over us

You are wisdom unimagined

Who could understand Your ways

Reigning high above the Heavens

Reaching down in endless grace

You're the lifter of the lowly

Compassionate and kind

You surround and You uphold me

And Your promises are my delight

Your plans are still to prosper

You have not forgotten us

You're with us in the fire and the flood

You're faithful forever

Perfect in love

You are sovereign over us

Even what the enemy means for evil

You turn it for our good

You turn it for our good and for Your glory

Even in the valley, You are faithful

You're working for our good

You're working for our good and for Your glory

Your plans are still to prosper

You have not forgotten us

You're with us in the fire and the flood

You're faithful forever

Perfect in love

You are sovereign over us

Thank you Jesus.

5 months and 16 days of marriage... and some new insights..

when I first got saved, when my Lord opened my eyes to what He had done for me, that he saved me from being separated from Him for eternity because of my sins, by dying on the cross for me.. I quickly got into the Word any way I could.. soon I had my first favourite verse.. 

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose 

Romans 8:28

throughout the many, almost 22 years of following Him, growing in the knowledge of Him in amazing ways, I am in awe, just how living and active His Word is, in awe of the fact that we will indeed never be able to fully plummet the depth of His Word and what it really means to us.

I have clung to this verse and others communicating the same principle.. 

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

Genesis 50:20

Yes, this anguish was good for me,

    for you have rescued me from death

    and forgiven all my sins.

Isaiah 38:17

the fact that no matter what comes our way, God has already sifted it through His loving hands, that He is sovereign over EVERYTHING, that His purposeful goodness informs what He allows to touch our lives.. always teaching, refining and making us more like Him, knowing Him more, loving Him more, trusting Him more...

so what's new.. 

let me try to explain.

looking back, life was relatively uncomplicated back then ( it feels funny to say that ).. never happy in my marriage, health issues my children had, but other than that things were normal and fine.. I had three wonderful daughters, life happened all around them, their school, our church, extended family, ( not always easy ) all kind of normal too..

in the last 6 years other than my marriage breaking apart and the fallout of that, many other very complicated things have been added that have made my life everything but uncomplicated..

suffering has shifted to many other areas,  most of them not controllable at all,  but has indeed led to perseverance, perseverance to character and character to hope.. that amazing hope that does not disappoint.. because it is not in any circumstance to change but in Him, the author and perfecter of my faith.. the one that promised to give me everything I needed for life and godliness..

so... there is one area that has been totally changed for the better : my marriage, my new marriage, the answer to all my prayers for this.. my marriage to a man that daily far exceeds anything I could ever have dreamed up.. and I am so very, very thankful for that...

the few disagreements we have had so far in our life together,  ( all of them only happened because of scars we both still carry from the rejection we have suffered throughout all of our lives ) .. as much as we both would rather not have to go through these hours of strive.. we realized something... each time, when forgiving each other and talking through what happened, a much deeper understanding and a deeper love springs forth... that blows our minds.. one thing the Lord showed me is that in those moments I respond with fear.. fear of losing what we have, our love, our wonderful life together.. He, the Lord spoke to me so clearly about this, as if I could hear His voice..

amazing.. urging me to trust Him for this like I have decided to do for all those monumental difficulties I am facing continually.. to trust and not be afraid, since He, the Lord , is my strength and my defence, my salvation, and.... He is for us.. for our marriage to be what He wants it to be..

another thing He showed me by allowing those sad hours was to hear later that my husband was actually praying for me throughout the whole time.. when I was afraid to be rejected again, this man of God was asking the Lord to comfort me because he didn't think he could.. he trusted God to be enough for what he wanted for me to know.. that I am loved ... 

these few incidents have driven home the truth on a much deeper level.. we have not had another disagreement and I really don't want one.. but I am sure that we will come out of it the same we have the other times.. healed just a little bit more, loving each other even more, aware of our sensitivities a little bit more and loving and trusting Jesus MORE as well.. it's a win - win situation..

because the One that is in control is our loving Abba Father... and He is just the BESTEST!