...for when I am weak then I am strong...

it's 10:30 pm here in London, England, 11:30 pm already in Switzerland, where I was until this morning, have to be on my way to the airport at 6 and so I really should be trying to sleep..

but..
let's say I am a bit too wired for that..
so here goes..

I cannot even try to put into words the experiences ( upheaval) of the last 15 days.

• had to put my beloved puppy down
• cross examination for a legal matter
• really sick
• travelled to England
• tried to help my "last teenager" with navigating her life 
• travelled to Switzerland
• tried to be intentional in spending meaningful time with my mother whose body is losing the battle against cancer
• tough family issues faced
• said Good bye
• travelled to England..

it's been tough.. it's been emotional.. leaving was hard, but, wow, has God been good..

Satan has been hard at work trying to throw me off, trying to make me that sick that I could not have anything to give..

trying to throw even more dark and horrible stuff at me.. so I would fret and be tempted to take my eyes off Him and try and do things on my own.. 

darkness so dark, everywhere, almost drowning out the light seeping through the cracks of this broken vessel that I am, so willing to be used for His glory..

well, he, Satan, lost. 

no surprises here because, obviously, He, Jesus, has already won this battle a very long time ago..

when confronted with such turmoil and heartache the position I now take by default is prayer and scripture recitation.. constantly.. I am also asking my prayer warrior friends to lift me up  and then, even in  the moments when all inside of me screams "I can't do this anymore" this is true for me:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

standing on truth, His truth, no matter how it all feels, what a privilege to be able to do that.

I am in awe of who He is, in awe of the fact that His plans will not be thwarted, that He alone is in control of all things.. the futile attempts of the evil one will never succeed.. 

I am in awe of His sustaining power and just how this strength feels lived out when there is no shadow of a doubt that it most definitely does not come from me..... most definitely..

circumstances have not changed, tough times are ahead, but.. the covenant of peace will not be removed and His unfailing love for us cannot be shaken...

He has compassion on us..... compassion that feels like a firm yet gentle embrace.. lifting me up and carrying me while I am hugging my mother's frail body... praying with her and crying together.. as I am speaking His truth into desperate circumstances.. all by His strength and His grace..

it's just amazing... never fails to blow me away... oh how I love HIM