..it's just not about me...

it's been a while and I have to admit that I just don't feel the urge to write it all down for everyone to see anymore..

then someone told me that I should... so here I am.

Thanksgiving here in the good old US of America last week, all the devotions and everything being all about  being thankful and how focusing on what we are thankful for allows the presence of God to permeate our whole being and our circumstances..

to give thanks in all circumstances, a discipline I have embraced long ago.
it seems to help to allow the peace of God that transcends all those circumstances and our understanding to flow more freely..

so.. last week, after a week of having been gripped by such a fear and anxiety about something that happened that I so DID NOT WANT to happen, something that I had told everyone was my worst nightmare.. after being able to help out at a thanksgiving dinner for 1500 people from the community on the Wednesday night and continuing on reflecting on the truth.. the scriptures given to me by faithful sisters in Christ ... sitting quietly with my husband on Saturday afternoon, admiring our Christmas tree and listening to Christmas music as he was holding me... it sank in... again...

it's just not about me. my circumstances. my fear.
the outcome is in God's hand and I can trust Him. in quietness and trust is my strength. in repentance and rest is my salvation. He rises up to help me because He longs to be gracious and compassionate to me. He hears me and He takes care of me.
it's about what my purpose really is. and that is to serve Him. be passionate about Him and His cause.
to be available. to share the Good News. to bring glory to Him.

the scripture given to me, Isaiah 30: 15-21 says this as well...

The Lord longs to be gracious to you;

    therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.

For the Lord is a God of justice.

    Blessed are all who wait for him!

 People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.  Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

wanting to only turn right or left when He tells me I have been crying out for help, knowing He hears me.. waiting on Him to direct my steps.. listening closely and waiting. trusting. at peace.

when fear wants to creep in.. I take the thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.. no need to fear..

He got it all figured out.

letting go of my plans and ideas.. surrendering to whatever the outcome will be, feeling safe, I am focusing on where He wants me to go. the next step. today. not tomorrow. not the next 20 steps. just one.

in the end. I know I cannot lose what He has given me already.. which is him paying for my sins so that I am a child of God. eternity with Him. so. I am thankful. He owes me nothing I owe Him everything.