.. wandering the road of desperate life...

there is not much going on in my heart right now.

it's an eerie feeling almost.

numb from loss and exhaustion.

seemingly stuck in a darkness that is not my own.

scriptures given by caring sisters in Christ all I can make out.

so I hold on to those.

thankful that He has given me such a black and white mind.

"if He says so, it is so" 

no ifs or buts

able to stand on this because of the faith He has given me.

does this feel nice right now?

no. obviously not.

am I sad? yes, very.

is God who He says He is.. no matter what happens?

YES... obviously!

one of the scriptures:

The Lord will guide you always;

    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

    and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

    like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:11

sun-scorched.. cancer and chemo.. confusion and aggression.. loss and shock.. yup, I think that qualifies.. 

sun-scorched.. thirst... exhaustion.. both physically and emotionally.. that's how it feels..

so, He says He will satisfy my needs.. and guide me.. strengthen me.. and, not only does He do that, but as He does He turns me into a well-watered garden.. ha.. sun-scorched <---> well-watered.... 

with unfailing supply of all that I need.. 

reading these verses in context I can glean even more truth.

there are consequences to walking away and turning from the Lord ..

pursuing our own selfish goals.

crying out while disobeying Him, it's not always going to work.

going on sinning, stubbornly, and expecting blessings... not happening.

God, in His infinite mercy always works everything ( even our bad choices ) for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.... without removing the consequences though.. always about teaching us and making us more like Him, for our good and His glory.. 

the promise. it's for His people, those that abide in Him ( always by His strength and grace and not my own.. surrendering and trusting ) 

it's not "name it and claim it".... it's grateful acceptance of circumstances, allowed by a Sovereign God, relying on Him and desiring to please Him.. because He first loved us.. 

Blessed in the midst of the storm and the darkness because I know Him.. He is my Abba Father, my Daddy and He always has my best interest in mind. 

walking through a sun-scorched land?

wading through the muck of consequences of a life lived without Him?

yes, but never alone.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 31:8