.. motherless...

I love how living life that is so permeated with the Word of God just leads to some really awesome moments...

last night when. once again for a moment I was overwhelmed by the fact that I do not have a mother anymore ( living here with me on this earth ) I had another "light bulb"  moment..

as long as my mother still lived I, even though I am a 52 year old grown woman, was still a child, at least as it pertained to her... I was her child..
now, my father is still alive but, even though this might sound strange to many I have never felt like a child in re to him..  ( a child as in loved unconditionally, accepted, cared for, having a parent we could if we had ever still wanted, run to for advice and just this motherly love ) so... last night it dawned on me that this might be part of what it means to lose a mother... I am not a child to anyone walking the earth anymore...

but that's where He jumped right in.. the Holy Spirit that is:

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,  and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him..... 

Romans 8:16-17

HA...

what a wonderful thing.. always, not just when losing one's mother, but so significant for where I am right now.. love how God takes those moments of sadness and suffering and reveals Himself on an even deeper level..

had stumbled over the connection made here between being a child of God and the suffering.. yup, no surprises here, and yet, such promise.. being glorified with Him, as His child, is worth knowing Him in His sufferings, as we all will to some extent during our life time..

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.

1 John 3:1

so as I, feeling sad and probably a little sorry for myself, was pondering this thought that I was no longer a child ( beloved and taken care of if need be ) to anyone anymore he showed me just what kind of love He, the perfect Father in heaven has for me.. that I would be called a child of Him..

He, is my Abba Father and He will never leave me.

Thank you Lord

He IS my peace

teaching about prayer and scripture memorization at the Tuesday morning Bible Study at my church for the last month or so, someone told me today that she was blessed by my love for the Lord and His Word..

truth is, I am in constant awe of Him.. and I am constantly learning new things (talk about being in your fifties and still so far from knowing and understanding it all...)

just looking at where I am today, the fact that a year ago I got to marry the man that God had made especially for me, restoring the years the locusts have eaten,

the fact that God did want us to live here, far away from where He had blessed me with a tight-knit safety net of "Christ beside me"... far away from my beloved children and those sisters in the Lord He had for me during all those very tough years of an unhappy marriage and a horrible ripping apart of what was meant to be forever..
how He has been using these particular circumstances to allow our marriage to grow stronger..

the fact that through all kinds of complications and delays in many different ways I am finding myself  in the " no traveling outside the country" stage of my immigration process, hard as that has been at times, I can see what  He is doing... how He is working even something as random as this out to be good ...
again proof that my God is sovereign and that nothing, nothing at all ever happens without either Him ordaining or permitting it...

I am amazed that He has used all the heartaches and trials and losses of the last years to have me in a place where I love Him more, trust Him more and obey Him more.
He has me in a place of hearing from Him more, knowing His presence and guidance more, just in tune with Him like never before...

like David, hiding in the cave from his enemies, his soul seeking God's face, in desperation deciding to stand firm on what He knew about this God, that was his God, who he was intimately acquainted with, I have learned to stand on what I know to be true about Him and to not allow circumstances to dictate what I am feeling, to meditate on what He has done for me in the past and just to seek His presence at all times.

there are enemies that are trying to make my life miserable, there are those that not knowing what they are doing are allowing satan to use them to try and trip me up.. thanks to God to no avail..

trust and obedience are all we need when faced with trials of any kind... forgiveness and perseverance, keeping on keeping on.. as far as it depends on us,  living at peace with everyone
trusting the Lord to give and take away according to His perfect plan for our lives, striving to be content in all circumstances, living a life so filled with the joy of knowing Him that we embrace any kind of trial and discipline He sees fit for us to walk through ( never alone, Praise be to Him)

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. 

For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4: 17-18

looking to Him, having my eyes fixed on Him, who IS my peace, I am allowed to see glimpses of His goodness and my heart overflows once again

walking with Him in perfect harmony through the good, the bad and the ugly, I am falling more and more in love with Him, my Redeemer and King... the lover of my soul..

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! 

How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

 “For who has known the mind of the Lord,

    or who has been his counselor?”

 “Or who has given a gift to him

    that he might be repaid?”

 For from him and through him and to him are all things. 

To him be glory forever. Amen.

Romans 11:33-36

and somehow, He loves me.

how can I not love Him back and put Him first in EVERYTHING?