.. suffering incredible consequences...

Do you not know?

    Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

    the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

    and his understanding no one can fathom.

 He gives strength to the weary

    and increases the power of the weak.

Isaiah 40:28-29

reminded today of the great danger of thinking we can do life on our own,
how when we are living the illusion of self-sufficiency, we are going to be brought to our knees by the One who never changes, who is all powerful, in control of all things and just GREAT..

because..

first of all He is a jealous God.. He is the One doing everything and He does deserve to be praised and glorified for it

but also, because when we look to Him and know that He is the only One that helps us, ( and let's face it,  without Him we wouldn't even have the capacity to handle anything on our own )
we receive His joy and His peace, His strength and His grace.. His mercy..

so.. as much as I know all that, it was good to be reminded that running on my own strength and going ahead and making decisions and living my life without always seeking Him first is FUTILE..
and even more :  it is DANGEROUS...

in a way, as hard as it is, it is good to see some really "great" examples very close to me of how in the end the suffering of incredible consequences that come from this kind of prideful rebelliousness torments those that have mocked God, yawned at His greatness and just ran with their pride and ego, their reckless selfishness, relying on talent, money and hard work.. never even giving God a second thought..

in my own life, I am living the consequences of the first 30 years of my life without putting God first, without surrendering to Him as my Lord and King, unknowingly, but still.... tough still at times, only bearable because of the mercy and grace my Father extends to me and my children.. because He made me His own and I am His.. striving to please Him as best as I can each day.. failing and asking for forgiveness, picked up by my merciful Father in Heaven each time and lovingly sent on my way again and again and again..

overwhelmed by His love and compassion for me I am thankful for each reminder He gives to me.. in His Word, through devotions written by godly people who are inspired by His Word.. it always comes back to this..

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1: 1-4

Jesus, He is the Word, and He has been there from the beginning, when He thought of me, even before the creation of the world.. how can I not seek Him first at all times, look to Him to inform and guide every step that I make, every word I speak and every action I take..

it's all from Him and for Him and so all glory is His and His alone!

#SoliDeoGloria

...if the door doesn't open, it's not your door...

haven't been here for a while.. so much percolating.. so much going on... it seems like it is getting a little clearer maybe..  He is doing something, and it is big..

when you ask and ask and ask for direction, for doors to open or close and for wisdom and guidance.. and you keep on asking and looking.. holding loosely all that means so much.. willing to give it up for whatever it is He has for you..

expectations.. because, with Him all things are possible, without Him.. well, I don't want that..
it has to be His will or I won't have any part of it..

.. I am all about His will to be done, on earth, in my life, in my relationship, as it is in Heaven..
so patiently we have been waiting, and seeking Him, and waiting some more.
taking little steps in obedience and waiting.
He has closed some doors, one was an iffy one to begin with, another seemed like something really cool, something He would do.. such potential blessing, and yet.. not our door..
so glad we stepped out in faith though.. would never have known otherwise that this was not what He had for us..

so, it seems that it is going to be coming together and it is exciting.
truth is, I know with my Lord there never is a dull moment.
since the day He opened my eyes and unstopped my ears, the journey has been an amazing one.
in our one on one times together He tells me many wonderful things.
I know now that He has chosen me and thought of me even before He created the world..
I know that He is excited when I come to Him, I know that He wants to know everything about me..
how cool is that.
He also has those amazing plans for me. He is happy to give me His Kingdom, I am a co-heir with Christ and all that is His, is mine too. the same power that raised Christ from the dead is in me. and so with Him, I can do all things.
He tells me to seek His Kingdom first and that's what he, the man that God so wonderfully brought into my life, and I, have been doing. focusing on Him, and bringing Him glory, we have been seeking Him out and have laid our desires and plans down before Him..

in expectation we are now waiting to see what will unfold... is it going to be easy? not all the time.
but it's going to be worth it.. never a dull moment, but so many blessings, my heart overflows with gratitude ..

who am I that you are mindful of me dear Jesus.. I will never be able to get my head and heart around that one..

I love you.. FOREVER and EVER..

..looking to the mountain mover....

such a rainy day and more of it in the forecast ..
grey and yucky and just blah.. a huge headache too..
hate waking up to "updates" from that other continent.. where my mother is battling cancer and her general poor health conditions..
do not like the "politics" surrounding this and those are the moments when being so far away is more heartbreaking than other times..
trying to be the best mother I can be for the "remaining" teenager.. exhausting at best..

so when I got home this afternoon I allowed myself to wallow... in the pit of sadness..
thinking about all that is hard and sad.

I know better than to stay there too long though.. sure, tears have rights too.. they can be shed and feelings need to be lived out.. I have always believed that this is healthy.. healthier than trying to push them away..but...

I have this peace in it all and thanks to giving Him all my requests and anxious thoughts with thanksgiving every morning, He guards my heart and my mind with that peace that surpasses all understanding.

I have much to be thankful for too and I am now choosing to focus on that, rather than the bad.
looking to the mountain mover instead of the many mountains.. no need to be overwhelmed and discouraged, He has won the victory and I am His. no matter how hard the road can be, the destination is secure.

whatever we face.. we can be sure of this:

The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

2 Timothy 4:18

attacks come from all kind of different sources.. but in the end, it's all about Him, who loves us too much to just give us "white picked fenced, superficial happiness"... every tear we cry He wipes away with a compassion and a love that only He can give.. held firmly in His arms I can face my tomorrows and whatever updates they might bring. every disappointment and rejection, all my sadness and my gut wrenching pain... I am letting it take it's course and  am learning to trust more and more each day...

He, who Himself faced such suffering, just to reconcile me to the Father, He knows about all I am dealing with and His grace is sufficient.. His comfort more than enough... in the shadow of His wings I am safe... and.. He will make all things beautiful in His time!