Tuesday, August 21, 2012

... Healing rain is falling down, I am NOT AFRAID...

listening to my new favorite song for about an hour ( on repeat.. I know, good thing I am alone, anyone would be totally annoyed with me ) then switched to the "Top 25 Most Played" Playlist on my iTunes..

I guess it makes sense that these are all very meaningful songs to me, or they wouldn't have made the list.. duh..

playing Spider Solitaire on my iPad rather than trying to sleep... I was praying and thinking and just communicating with Jesus.. the way two very close friends do..

one song on this list is "Deep in love with you".. the first song at my first Michael W Smith concert that spoke to me.. seeing God, my loving Father, reaching down and picking up the broken pieces of me tenderly... telling me He knew... made me think of this time 3 years ago...

the concert was in May and 3 months later I found myself in the house with my cousin, (who was having an affair with my husband unbeknownst to me).. I had invited her to come and stay with us for 3 weeks, because her husband was cheating on her... oh how stupid I was in my love for her.. blind, I think out of denial.. and yet..my husband had, I am sure to please her, also just told me he didn't love me anymore..
these 3 weeks were the most horrible weeks in my life ... I couldn't sleep, I felt constant fear, a physical pain in my stomach... I prayed like never before.. tried to keep it together ...

another song on this list " Healing Rain" was what kept me going...

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this dry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...

I am not afraid.. I am not afraid .. is what my soul screamed for the whole time she was here and even after until I, by God revealing it to me, found proof that they really were having a full blown affair..
thinking about this tonite I marvel at how my Father has used music, mainly from MWS, to speak peace, strength and hope into my life...
last night, when listening to the song from Kari Jobe "The more I seek you" sung by Michael, watching  his emotional response, my soul resonated once again and that is why this song has now made the "Top 25 Most Played " Playlist... my soul, my whole entire being LONGS for closeness with Jesus, I am not afraid... or maybe I even am... afraid to have to be alone for the rest of my life... I am desperate for Him, desperate for intimacy, hearing His heartbeat.. the only constant in my, in anyone's life.. 
Love... this is what it is all about.. God loving me first, me loving God, loving my neighbour, like myself, with all my soul, mind and strength......
" Cry" from Leeland. "I can't do this on my own.. are you out there tonite"... another one from this playlist... I am thankful for these songs..  they make my soul sing... and they help me focus..  I need that...

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:1-3

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