Friday, July 15, 2016

restoration: a father daughter miracle

was just reading a blog post from 4 1/2 years ago yesterday..
I had written it to actively make myself take my eyes off what had just happened ( the fact that I was served papers regarding a law suit against me as a consequence of something my father had done in my name 25 years before )
and rather focus on Him, my perfect Father in Heaven.

during my now over 52 year long life I had indeed been shortchanged.
like many are.
by my father mostly, but by my mother too.

core needs not met.. things like safety, security, value, purpose, consistent love.. attention, knowing you matter... all those...

focusing on that even though we do live in a broken world, being brought up by broken people who were brought up by broken people, who were brought up by broken people.. my loving Father in Heaven was always and always will be, in total control of all this, His love had not only redeemed me but also was restoring me and all those broken places.. allowing me to forgive and let go of any blame directed at those that by His perfect design were my parents...

long story short..
I had the privilege to lead my mother, who passed away 2 months and 25 days ago, to Christ a little over 3 years ago.. allowing some sense of restoration and redemption of our relationship.. and, most of all the blessed assurance that I will see her again in heaven when my day comes..

as a consequence of this horrible loss, my father, struggling with Parkinson's himself, surrendered His life to the King of kings about 6 weeks ago ... God is AMAZING..

so,  3 days ago, thinking of my father I stumbled across some rather unknown feeling ..
it shocked me.. I had to listen in and focus... I realized  that I .. and here it comes... miss my father..

unbelievable to me.. so foreign.. I am not making this up.. this was the very first time I ever experienced this feeling at all......

being the most of the time absent and other than that critical and cruel father that he was, and even though I have forgiven him for all he has done to hurt everyone in my family, I just never missed him..

 after spending the 7 days right after my mother passed away together  and after the last 10 days I saw him, after long talks and hugs and prayers and scripture reading... after him hugging me that last night before we left and telling me he was so happy that all was good between us, and he was sorry it took him that long, when he said that too bad my mother couldn't see this... and we cried some more together...I am in awe to be able to see the Lord is now doing something miraculous..

as a biblical counsellor I know that God always asks us to forgive, ( because we have been forgiven ) He also wants us, as far as it depends on us, to pursue peace with everyone, but, a relationship is not always restored..

as much as I always prayed for this, I kind of did not at all expect this to happen.
so, as weird as this sounds, I lost my mother, and it still makes me cry out in pain, but, I gained a father... now that, that is something only my most wonderful Daddy in Heaven can come up with, leave it to Him to blow me away.. He does it over and over and over again...

I just love Him <3








Wednesday, July 6, 2016

anxiety and fear: a default reaction?



O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
    How long will you look the other way?
 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
    with sorrow in my heart every day?
    How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
    Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
    Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
 But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
 I will sing to the Lord
    because he is good to me.
Psalm 13

posted this passage as part of a blog post 2 1/2 years ago.. 
 a door I had thought would open for me had just been shut right into my face a month before and I was discouraged..
the Lord did work some things out, showed me some stuff about myself and an idol I had erected, made me take it down and actively embrace my circumstances instead...

in the meantime the main reason I had had no sparkle in my eyes has been restored..
faithful like He is, my Father in Heaven has restored the years the locusts have eaten and I am blessed..

there is, even now, never a shortage of issues and difficulties and trials that have me struggle with anguish and sorrow in my heart..
trusting in His unfailing love a means of survival each day.

I have realized one thing.
the "once this is dealt with, I won't be anxious anymore" is one huge lie we tend to believe 
I am sure that fear and anxiety is just my "go to emotion", 
that it is something in me, that causes me to end up there over and over again
my circumstances, like anyone else's are always going to include difficult and sometimes heart wrenching things.

what will I do with them..
will my default reaction be to trust Him
or to be afraid ?
I can decide that.
having the Spirit of the living God in me, 
I can choose to fix my eyes on Him, the mountain mover rather than on the mountain, 
no matter how unsurmountable it seems..
the power that resurrected Christ is mine,
I do not have to allow the enemy to deceive me into feeling lost and powerless.

the Creator of the Universe is on my side
He is good to me
He rescues me
He unravels me with a melody
He splits the sea so I can walk right through it
His love has called my name.
I am His

What can man do to me?

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, 
neither angels nor demons, 
neither the present nor the future, 
nor any powers, 
neither height nor depth, 
nor anything else in all creation, 
will be able to separate me from the love of God 
that is in Christ Jesus my Lord and Saviour
Romans 8:38-39


Tuesday, July 5, 2016

not jealous.. no MWS Cruise for me



listening to a little tidbit from the MWS and Friends Cruise going on right now.. I am reminded of a lot of things...

I am thankful for technology. without it I could not be listening to Laura Story sharing part of her story and singing...

I am thankful for the fact that I have friends I love enough to miss them, they are on that cruise..

I am thankful that I have met them all on a cruise just like that..

I am thankful that during  the last 6 years I have been on 3 cruises like this..
time spent with like minded Christ Followers,  each time spending a week of praising our Father in Heaven, learning about Him

I am thankful that in all the trials and tribulations God teaches us so much more than just learning to trust Him

He teaches us how much He loves us..
He shows us how much He cares,
that He alone is in control and that what He has for us is the best..
even if we might not be able to see it so clearly at times..

a few months ago, when the time came to pay the balance for this trip I needed to make a decision.
my mother was slowly but very surely dying from cancer and the fact that she lived in Switzerland and I lived 6,000km ( 3,728.227 miles ) away on a different continent just made it so inexcusable to spend this kind of money on a trip so frivolous.. I needed to spend my money on going to see my mother and, I needed to be available at any given time to rush to her...

not even a month later the unimaginable, unbearable happened.. my mother passed away, expected yet horribly sudden, too late to get a few days with her while on this earth, we still had to rush over there to be with family and to honor her...

we had been praying for God to have mercy on her and God was merciful... He took her and spared her more suffering ... I am holding on to that when the waves of grief still overwhelm...

not being on that cruise this week still is a hard thing to do...

but again, I am thankful

thankful that I could instead have been tending to family for the last 10 days

thankful to be home with my husband who is such a pillar of strength for me

thankful that, as with my mother passing, there is now new opportunity to be transformed..

to be content in all circumstances.

to not be jealous but to rejoice with those that are rejoicing.

to take feelings and thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and to allow Him to change me

I wish I was there, but God had a different plan

His plans are not only to not harm me but to prosper me, to give me hope and a future, they are the very best, it's actually a no brainer.

we did not know the timing of it all.
He did.

time spent with my daughters who I am missing so and who miss me..
time spent with my father, who having lost his wife, bowed his knees before Christ just 4 weeks ago
time spent with other family members trying to help navigate new territory
reconnecting with friends who needed encouragement and who encouraged me.

so, long story short.
God never wastes one second of our lives.
He always is faithful to mold us and shape us,
to make us more like Himself..
often through taking away,
always through blessing us.


there is strength within the sorrow
there is beauty in our tears
and You meet us in our mourning
with a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting
You are sanctifying us
when beyond our understanding 
You're teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood 
You're faithful forever
perfect in love

You are SOVEREIGN over us...