... glimpses of Jesus in the church nursery...

I am all about taking pictures .. of everyone, everywhere...
I have always taken many pictures.. of everyone, everywhere... long before it was "in" and "trendy" to do this and post it on social networks..

this morning, I would have liked to have taken a picture..
the moment the one little baby finally fell asleep on my chest, and the other, slightly older one, also nestled up on me looking at him and pointing and saying "baby"...

it was, and these are not my kids, one of those moments that makes life worth living..
it was one of these moments when your heart just overflows with love and everything seems alright..

what made it so significant is that really, nothing much is alright these days..
what made it so significant was that Jesus showed me something through this brief little glimpse of what it is all about..

when allowing oneself to be happy and have fun is kind of hard because someone one cares about struggles like never before..
when taking your thoughts off the physical and emotional struggles of that someone so far is almost impossible and those thoughts  have you close to tears or in tears a lot of the time..
then a moment like this is extra precious...

this morning when praying with my husband I asked the Lord that he, my husband would have glimpses today of Jesus, of what He is doing, always, yet so often without us seeing it, how He is faithful and keeps on fighting our battles and providing all that we need..

praying for His mercy and grace and comfort for family members  I need to decide every moment anew that I trust Him to keep His promises.
I need to do what the Bible tells me and give Him all my requests, with thanksgiving and LEAVE them with Him and the peace only He can give  surrounds me.

I have to trust Him and wait on Him, I can't borrow tomorrow's trouble because today holds enough of it's own, I can't dwell on the horrible because in His Word He tells me only to dwell on what is praiseworthy, noble and lovely... and rather take every thought that won't fit in with this, captive to the obedience of Christ and surrender it to Him, leave it in His capable hands, hands that  are most powerful.. hands that control everything, informed by His purposeful goodness... yes, even when someone is dying of cancer..

so this morning, this picture worthy moment ( and obviously my "arms" were full so I couldn't take one, and those are not my kids so I wouldn't have taken one anyways ) helped me soothe my aching heart.. I allowed it to warm my soul  and I enjoyed it... because..
His eyes ARE on the sparrow, the little babies, me, my mother, my husband, my children... on all that He has chosen according to His purpose, His perfect plan and will.....

...for when I am weak then I am strong...

it's 10:30 pm here in London, England, 11:30 pm already in Switzerland, where I was until this morning, have to be on my way to the airport at 6 and so I really should be trying to sleep..

but..
let's say I am a bit too wired for that..
so here goes..

I cannot even try to put into words the experiences ( upheaval) of the last 15 days.

• had to put my beloved puppy down
• cross examination for a legal matter
• really sick
• travelled to England
• tried to help my "last teenager" with navigating her life 
• travelled to Switzerland
• tried to be intentional in spending meaningful time with my mother whose body is losing the battle against cancer
• tough family issues faced
• said Good bye
• travelled to England..

it's been tough.. it's been emotional.. leaving was hard, but, wow, has God been good..

Satan has been hard at work trying to throw me off, trying to make me that sick that I could not have anything to give..

trying to throw even more dark and horrible stuff at me.. so I would fret and be tempted to take my eyes off Him and try and do things on my own.. 

darkness so dark, everywhere, almost drowning out the light seeping through the cracks of this broken vessel that I am, so willing to be used for His glory..

well, he, Satan, lost. 

no surprises here because, obviously, He, Jesus, has already won this battle a very long time ago..

when confronted with such turmoil and heartache the position I now take by default is prayer and scripture recitation.. constantly.. I am also asking my prayer warrior friends to lift me up  and then, even in  the moments when all inside of me screams "I can't do this anymore" this is true for me:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

standing on truth, His truth, no matter how it all feels, what a privilege to be able to do that.

I am in awe of who He is, in awe of the fact that His plans will not be thwarted, that He alone is in control of all things.. the futile attempts of the evil one will never succeed.. 

I am in awe of His sustaining power and just how this strength feels lived out when there is no shadow of a doubt that it most definitely does not come from me..... most definitely..

circumstances have not changed, tough times are ahead, but.. the covenant of peace will not be removed and His unfailing love for us cannot be shaken...

He has compassion on us..... compassion that feels like a firm yet gentle embrace.. lifting me up and carrying me while I am hugging my mother's frail body... praying with her and crying together.. as I am speaking His truth into desperate circumstances.. all by His strength and His grace..

it's just amazing... never fails to blow me away... oh how I love HIM