Thursday, October 29, 2015

.. you're with us in the fire and the flood....



facing some pretty high hurdles, or deep valleys, or actually walking through one right now, the Lord is once again faithful and He has been reminding my husband and I through His Word...

yesterday, when confronted with what we hoped wouldn't happen we were stunned, overwhelmed and fearful...

praying and asking friends to pray, we talked all of it through... and then, together, we came before the throne of the One who knows all about what is going on..

we have been praying together all along and it for sure is a wonderful thing to do.. there is an intimacy that you cannot experience any other way .. baring our hearts before Mighty God, Our Heavenly Father and before one another binds us together like nothing else ever will... but then last night.. He, in His Sovereignty took this to a whole new level... authentic, raw, heart wrenching... acknowledging our helplessness to deal with what is happening right now .. communing with Him restored some of the deepest places in our fragile hearts..
there were tears and there was a letting go... an opening of fists... a surrendering.. there was honesty and transparency.. and .. there He was..

the Author and Perfecter of our faith... Yahweh, the One that has been, is and always will be,  Adonai, the Lord over all, there was Jehovah Jirah,  the One that provides all our needs.. El Shaddai, the Mighty One, Yahweh Shamma, the One that is available when needed and Yahweh Raah, the Shepherd who leads us through the valley... makes us lie down in green pastures, comforts us and makes our cups overflow ..

so amazing to meet Him like this, in a moment like this, together like this...

so today, reflecting on this, I was reminded of this song I love:

There is strength within the sorrow
There is beauty in our tears
And You meet us in our mourning
With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting
You're sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding
You're teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

You are wisdom unimagined
Who could understand Your ways
Reigning high above the Heavens
Reaching down in endless grace
You're the lifter of the lowly
Compassionate and kind
You surround and You uphold me
And Your promises are my delight

Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good
You turn it for our good and for Your glory
Even in the valley, You are faithful
You're working for our good
You're working for our good and for Your glory

Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us
 ( Michael W Smith, Sovereign )

there as some ways to deal with this situation and we know that He who is faithful is more than able to provide a way through this... and for that I am FOREVER GRATEFUL...

and there it is, that peace... the peace of God that not only surpasses all understanding but is not necessarily always the absence of fear, but really the Presence of Him!!!!!! 



Wednesday, October 28, 2015

"reacting to conflict in ways I cannot control"




“Behold, my servant whom I have chosen,
    my beloved with whom my soul is well pleased.
I will put my Spirit upon him,
    and he will proclaim justice to the Gentiles.
 He will not quarrel or cry aloud,
    nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets;
 a bruised reed he will not break,
    and a smoldering wick he will not quench,
until he brings justice to victory;
     and in his name the Gentiles will hope.


claimed this promise for myself a few years ago, when I started writing this blog... He said He wouldn't break me .. and I know He won't..

reminded of this passage of scripture by a most wonderful friend today, I have been thinking about it again..

a bruised reed, a weak reed.. a fragile, already quite broken, helpless and vulnerable little reed... that would be me..
looking at some pictures yesterday of myself as a little girl I found one of my mother and my siblings and I.. I was about 2... looking quite sad in this picture ( everyone else was laughing ) I asked my mother before how come I looked so sad... she said I seemed to be sad most of the time... ha.......

read an article about trauma and depression and how to handle it as a Christian and this is what this young woman wrote:

"Now I understand that my reactions had nothing to do with whatever it was that scared me and everything to do with neuropaths laid from a childhood household dynamic that left me feeling insecure, out of control, and ready to bolt at all times......."

thinking about my childhood household dynamic I know for a fact that it left me feeling insecure, out of control and too afraid to face anything that came my way.. a sad little girl that started to cry when her father talked to her.. that couldn't sleep because she feared she might not have done her homework right and that was so afraid of EVERYTHING... 
thankfully, all along.. the One that God the Father had chosen, the gentle One, who pleases the soul of the Father, the One that treats those the Father has given Him with compassion and love, He, Jesus, was watching over me... giving me hope and strength and grace and has taken so many of those fears away in the past...

and when, like the lady said "my body reacts to conflict in ways I can't control"  He, in His gentle power and loving embrace picks me up and looks me in the eye and tells me once again....." a tender reed I will not break... take refuge in my arms, listen to my heartbeat and believe me..... you are safe here, no one can harm you..... I walk with you through all your heartaches and stresses, through the losses and the panic... I will disentangle and rewire the messes those experiences have created in you... and I will not stop until I have done it completely... until I have fully restored you, my beloved child......"

writing this, tears of gratitude and love are rolling down my face... and, in awe, as always at such a love as this... I fling my arms around His neck and bury my tear stained face in the place where it fits so perfectly... right beneath His strong shoulders... feeling His heartbeat I am able to relax... let go... and HOPE....

“Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert.
 The wild beasts will honor me,
    the jackals and the ostriches,
for I give water in the wilderness,
    rivers in the desert,
to give drink to my chosen people,

Friday, October 16, 2015

... being "someone" in this world????


Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

 Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
 rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
 And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!
Philippians 2: 3-8


yesterday, as I once again was thinking about how through trials, choosing to be grateful, one grows closer to God and is able to reflect Him more and more...
this is what came to mind:

during the worst time of my life so far, almost 6 years ago, I was, not by choice like Jesus, but still ..humbled..
I was, as I understood it and as society understands it.. made nothing ( the discarded half of something that didn't exist anymore )... I lost what I valued, what ascribed me value.. being the wife of a successful business man, loved and cherished, or so I thought, mother of three beautiful kids,  our family looked, at least to the outside world , like we had it all made ... 

as much as I didn't think that this was defining me, I found out just how much it had, when I lost it..
I had been betrayed and lied to, I had been found wanting and gotten rid of, I was stripped of that which made me kind of a success in today's world, I was hurt profoundly, I was without hope..  and I was embarrassed... humbled...

stripped of all the outside worth, I found myself crumbled on the floor......

and that was when, and here it comes... I shared in His suffering.
that was when I encountered Him on a deeper level and it turned out to be enough..
more than enough... 
this is when He drove it home to me...
that when all I had was Jesus .. I could all of a sudden see it and feel it and know it: He was all I needed...

that's when He put me back together... opened my eyes to the fact that it was about so much more than just striving to live the white picked fenced life..
that His plans for my life where far bigger than my own hopes and dreams..

today's devotion from James MacDonald spoke about living an ordinary life.. like David, who, after being anointed as king lived life as a poor shepherd and refugee, hiding in caves, fearing for His life for 10 years before he finally became king... during these years he wrote the Psalms and became the man after God's heart...

a family member mockingly described me as someone who can't deal with the bigger and better things in life and chooses to live a "small " life... well, yes, I guess... I choose the ordinary life of trying to live obediently for Him, sometimes hiding in a cave, finding refuge in the arms of my God, drawing closer to Him, understanding my need for Him and maybe His purpose for my life more..

it's not about being "someone" in this world... it's about being the one that He made me to be... faithfully serving Him where He put me... and sometimes making the tough choices that this brings with it..
those choices  will not make me more popular to the world around me... but they are pleasing to the Lord.. so quietly, I am embracing the hurt some of those choices sometimes bring, and walk, a little bit more humbly each time.. with Him... the best place to be!


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

at such a time as this.. new husband, new church... same GOD!!!!!



over the last month my husband ( still makes me so giddy and all saying that :) and I have been going to a church together... a new church...

we had been praying and asking God for guidance on where to go.. and then we went to Harvest Bible Chapel West Olive..

walking in there felt ( almost ) like coming home.. same set up, same size... turned out to be the same kind of format, 45 minutes of worship and 45 minutes of sermon.. people were very welcoming and the assistant pastor's wife even lived about an hour away from where I have lived the last 23 years ... how cool is that???

we happened to go there for the first time when the pastor announced a 5 week sermon series , with a devotional study to go along with it for the congregation ( another thing that made me feel "almost" at home, considering my "now old" :( church has been doing the meditating and studying of the passage my "now old" pastor is preaching on for many years...)
this sermon series was to lay the ground for some new initiative.. a growing closer to God, a being more confident in what He can do, being more committed to Him and His church and all He has called the church to do IN, AROUND and BEYOND...

quite amazing to enter into this fellowship, this vibrant and alive family of God at such a time as this..
their outreach to the community totally where my passion lies.. mission oriented they are involved in supporting a church plant in the Caribbean..  all so very exciting..

the Word being preached boldly and honestly, I do find myself feeling right at home and then again..
not really. obviously I do not know anyone really, obviously I am not involved with anything that is going on ( YET ) but I can sense the potential, I can sense why it is that the Lord brought me here instead of my husband to where I was.. where all had been so well established.. deep soul ties... knowing everyone and being known.. woven into the fabric of this family of God... there are huge losses now, losses that have to be grieved.. but in it all, I am sensing that here might really just be that place where we, my most wonderful husband and I, could get "crafted in" ...

fasting and praying prescribed for today...  we were asked to read Isaiah 58... I love this chapter... I love what it is all about.. I am soaring on wings like eagles letting it all sink into my heart...

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
    and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
    and break every yoke?
 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
    and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
    and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
    and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
 Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
    you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
    with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
    and your night will become like the noonday.
 The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58: 6-11

this is where my heart is, this is where we need to be... oh how small the things that bother me personally become when I fix my eyes on Jesus.. when I hear His call once again.. it's not about me, it is about what He is doing and how He wants me to be part of it... thankful that He knew exactly where He would take us, when we had no idea at all... I do not know what my future holds but I for sure can know the One who holds it as much as I want.. He has revealed Himself and His heart in His Word.. and that I can pick up any time I want to.. thankful beyond words...

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

grateful for trials = joyful always


so much going on, seems to be that is the "normal"... in some way I kind of would like to ask for a break sometime.. but hey... complaining about this makes me someone who does not trust God and I choose each day anew " to trust and not be afraid"... so.. it's all good...

so much going on on so many levels that I have to admit I do get overwhelmed..

falling back on tried and true methods of dealing with anxious thoughts I do prayerfully give all that stresses me out to God each morning and again and again as things arise and come to the forefront during the day.. but... I realized something two days ago.....

in this beloved verse in Philippians ( Phil 4: 6-8 ) we are told to give all our requests to God in prayer and petition and THANKSGIVING........

Ha... I kind of have not been thanking God for the many trials and difficult situations lately, I give them to Him and I choose to trust and take any thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ when fearful ones come up..but I have not thanked Him for them in the last little while.. I don't know how that happened.. somehow it slipped my mind..

it was Thanksgiving weekend in Canada and even though since my children were all away in Europe, I did not cook a turkey and had a Thanksgiving meal,  I was thinking and reading about being thankful ...

this one hit home:

"Thanksgiving is more than a holiday, it's a holy way to walk through all the dark days. 
It's only when you finally choose to be grateful, that you finally become joyful! "
Ann Voskamp

walking through dark days and difficulties and stresses I have not been grateful for them I have to admit.. always grateful for all the blessings yes, just not the difficulties..

and there it was.. the reason I was not quite getting that peace, that joy, that is so available for us who are in Christ Jesus... so, I changed my way to pray.. I thanked God for all that is not quite going the way I would want it to... for all the things that seem so hard and complicated.. because, let's face it, in it, I am made aware of how much I need Him, how when I am weak and sad and frustrated He carries me.. how when I don't know how, He shows me a way, how because I ask Him for it I know it is Him who helps me... and on and on it goes..

so Lord, I thank you for the complications and the heartaches.. I thank you that I do not have any control when it comes to things that are so very dear to my heart... that I am persecuted for obeying you and standing up for what is right, that I am at a loss and need your wisdom in so many of the scenarios of our new life together..... ( like immigration and all that ) 

I thank you Lord because in it all I am learning to trust you even more, I am learning that you are always wanting to be on the forefront of my mind, at the centre of my life... you always want to be right there with me, because, let's face it, you put me before all your desires when you said " your will be done Father.. " in the garden ... right before you went to the cross willingly on my behalf.. 

so thank you, Jesus, thank you Father and thank you Holy Spirit, for making me part of your family... thank you for continually allowing situations that bring me to my knees before you... and keep me there.. thank you for showing me once again that this peace that surpasses all understanding is indeed mine when I, with thanksgiving give all my requests to you... 

I praise you because you are faithful and you will never cease to work on me, making me more like you...

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 3:17-18

thank you too Lord for your Word.. I so love how it informs me how to live my life. how even though I might be hated for it, I know that it's all about pleasing you and being obedient to you.

in the end, and really always, from beginning to end.. it is always all about you and you alone Lord.. I am so thankful I know that.. and I know you.. what a privilege.. eternally grateful for that one!