Monday, December 29, 2014

.. the Lord rescued me from it all....




this year is slowly coming to an end.. and even though I am one to always ponder what is going on and seeking the presence of the Lord to understand and become more like Him and therefore don't do the typical Year End Reflection and New Year's Resolution thing, I do have a few thoughts about all that today.. thanks to the passage of scripture we are reading for this week in my church...

reading and meditating on this just now I have been immensely blessed..

if ever there was a good challenge put out there this for sure is one...

I wrote it all down for myself and there were many things that spoke to me..  and since my heart is always inclined and focused a lot on my children.. I just had to personalize this passage a little:

But you, my children, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance.  You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured, —but the Lord rescued me from all of it.  Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.  But evil people and impostors will flourish. They will deceive others and will themselves be deceived.

 But you must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true, for you know you can trust those who taught you. You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.  God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.

2 Timothy 3: 10-17

I have, throughout my 20 1/2 years of being a Christ follower always tried to be the best godly mother I can be. 
I know I have failed, I know that I have been opposed, and persecuted, I know that there is a battle going on for my children, and I so needed the reminder that indeed all of what this passage says is true...

they have been taught the right things. they DO know what is true, they know they can trust those that taught them, from early childhood they have been taught the Holy Scriptures and those, thanks to the Almighty God, never go out without accomplishing exactly what He wants them to..

another cool thing is that verse 16 has been my oldest daughter's favourite scripture forever..

so, my soul is finding rest in this right now.. I am challenged to remain faithful and even though there will be more opposition and scary stuff, I know that they know and that He, this amazing Father of mine and them, loves them so much more than I do.. 

find rest my soul
in Christ alone
know His power 
in quietness and trust

(so that)
when the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still know you are God

AMEN

Saturday, December 27, 2014

.. opening my clenched fists...



friends wanting to meet my "new friend" we were invited to dinner by a very close one and her husband..

great food, fun, laughter and some really deep conversations.. this is what transpired..

long distance intentional dating...  ( what a big word.. sounds scary just by itself.. ) comes with it's own set of challenges.. with a lot of questions too, and ultimately one wonders how to figure it all out..

these amazing and godly friends, who are just embarking on a new and big and "out there" adventure themselves, shared some of their insight with us...

it's all, once again, about surrendering ...

SURRENDER ( as found in the Webster's Dictionary from 1828 )
To yield; to give up; to resign in favor of another; as, to surrender a right or privilege;
The act of yielding or resigning one's person or the possession of something, into the power of another

its all, once again, about seeking Him first and all things will fall into place..

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 
Matthew 6:31-34


it's all about focusing on one thing at a time..  first question is, is it God's will for us to be together .. focusing on one thing, not making the answer to that question dependent on how it will and can work itself out, but finding the answer for the first question first.. ( duh.. it is so simple really..)

because, if it is, then God will have the answers to the rest of the more detailed questions too..
where and when and how and all of that..

when doing this, we shift our focus to where it needs to be... on the One that knows the beginning from the end ( and ONLY He does.. ) He also is the one that is in control.. so really, rather than getting lost focusing on the details, and maybe messing it up all together, the focus NEEDS to be on Him...

it was to be expected that the Lord would use His blessings, like the trials He allows, to teach us to look to Him first, to depend on Him, to trust Him and obey Him..

so patiently we will wait on the Lord.. not easy, but the only way to make sure we are in God's will..

there is no other way.. I do NOT want to step out from under the umbrella of God's authority.. it's the only place to know His peace, blessing, joy and love...and His protection ...

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God
Psalm 46:10







Thursday, December 25, 2014

..Peace is here.. the baby has come....


It's Christmas.. well, for me and all my fellow European / German people it kind of is the day after Christmas already... truth is, celebrating Christmas not for Santa Clause but for the fact that Christ was born.. it kind of needs to be at night... the star and the angels and the shepherds and all, it happened at night.. not in the morning, hence.. we have Christmas Eve. :) ... ok.. sorry.. 

so Christmas this year ( Christmas Eve ), it was a joyous affair.. a beautiful church service, delicious dinner and gift opening.. lots of laughter and a movie once we all changed into the new PJs..

another special meal this morning and off they went, my girls that is... off to see their father for another Christmas celebration.. for the last 5 years this has been our experience .. for me this has meant spending Christmas day all by myself... very sad about that at first, I have been okay for a while now..

was listening to this song I love a lot, today, my heart filled again with gratitude and awe.. for what Christmas really means to us who believe.. not in Santa Clause or anything like that.. but in what God has done that night so very long ago.. 

The kings of this world 
Have torn it apart
But we can take heart
A baby will come

To the hungry and meek
To those who grieve
To the broken, in need
A baby will come

We have known pain
We’ve felt death’s sting
God, help us believe
This baby will come

The angel appeared
Said do not fear
For peace is here
A baby has come

The advent of life
Let hope arise
We’ve our Savior and Christ
The Baby has come

We’ve waited so long
God, for Your mighty arm
May our doubts ever calm
For the Baby has come

The proud will be low
The humble will know
They’re valued and loved
For the Baby has come

Cause the kings of this world
Won’t have the last word
That, God, is Yours
For the Baby has come

no more doubts, no more questions no one can answer, we can know we are valued and loved, because, not the rulers of this world, but God will have the last word.. the victory was won by that little tiny baby boy that was born that precious night so long ago.. He being without sin chose to give His life for those that would believe in Him.. through His death the questions are answered and I know why I am here, where I came from and where I am going...  His peace is mine and so is His love.. I am never alone, no matter if I am sitting at home with my children celebrating with their Dad somewhere else or in the midst of all those that I love.. 
this year I am not alone.. and for that I am thankful.. but whatever life will bring, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, there will always be hope... for the baby has come...

Praise be to God from whom all blessings flow.. His love knows no boundaries and He reigns forever and ever... He is mighty to save and He does care.. thankful He has loved me first.....

Sunday, December 21, 2014

.. God blessed the Broken Road....



had a nice long phone conversation tonite with this man God brought into my life.
convinced me even more that this is something real.
and it made me think of this song:

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

Rascal Flatts are cute and all, and this is a very nice song... but most of all I like what the words say because it goes so perfectly along with what the Bible teaches...

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 
Romans 8:28

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
Jeremiah 29:11

 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 
Genesis 50:20

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm
Joel 2:25

Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 42:18+19

I am careful not to put anything the Lord is doing on a pedestal, or a person for that matter.. I am careful to choose to rather praise the Lord for what He is doing...worship Him and thank Him.
I am thankful for His Word that keeps me grounded and I am thankful for His faithfulness..
I knew He was faithful and He is proving it to me again, even though He really doesn't have to..

I am delighted and I am thankful... because He is indeed doing a new thing and the road is blessed.. it's a broken road and the blessings are not only mine..
He is using my healed brokenness to reach out to others in a meaningful way..
I get to tell those around  about the wrong choices and the sins, done by me and to me.. and I get to  tell them about this Saviour of mine... this most amazing Almighty God, this Lover of my soul and this perfect Father I have.. I so love to brag about Him and how wonderful He is..

how He is indeed blessing the broken road.. and I am waiting expectantly to see what He will do through me and despite of me.. all for His glory ALONE...

#SoliDeoGloria











Thursday, December 18, 2014

... Dezembertraueme.... to His peace there will be no end....



I don't know about you, but sometimes my heart is spinning out of control.. so much to do, so many needs, so much chaos and frustration .. so many hurts all around me and somehow I seem to be the one who ends up trying to speak peace and love into all those situations...

sometimes that's well received and other times it's not..

I don't know about you, but it sometimes seems easier to help those that are not quite as close.. when those that you love the most seem unreachable..

listening to some German Christmas song from a CD my kids had when they were small..  I got very sad..

was sharing my abbreviated testimony at our Hope for Life Christmas party yesterday, joking about my "relationship" with the country of my origin..

truth is, my citizenship is in Heaven and my roots on this earth definitely are deeply anchored here in Canada.. but listening to this little Children's Christmas song in German... it brought up some sadness that shouldn't surprise me..

had a long talk with my mother today and if there is anything that makes me sad, it definitely would be seeing / hearing about the destructive way my loved ones are relating with one another..

once again I found myself trying to speak God's truth of peace and love and forgiveness to her... I can never get more than a "yeah, you are right, BUT... so and so is doing this and this and..... " breaks my heart.. I can see so clearly how, unless God steps into the situation in a HUGE way, this is not going to end well for all involved.. 

when sharing my testimony yesterday I spoke about meeting my Daddy in Heaven and how no matter what is going on in my life I can always run to Him, how I can always find comfort, hope and love, unconditional love...  and how precious He is to me, how much I love Him.. because He first loved me..

the truth of the story of my life, my history, my "His'- story is as true today as it was yesterday and 2 weeks ago when I was experiencing some extra special blessings for a few days.. away from all the turmoil, just enjoying God's extravagant love for me and the one He brought into my life.. 

that truth is that He came to save those that would believe in Him, that  God gave His beloved son to come into this world, as a baby, to grow up without sin, so that He could be the perfect sacrifice for the sins of us who believe.. that not only would He save us, but He, from that moment would always be in us.. leading us, guiding us, growing us up, giving us peace and this hope... a hope that can never be disappointed, because it is in Him, and He does not disappoint..never.. giving us hope and peace and love.. that unconditional love that we all so long for..

so to Him I run, into His arms.. and when He holds me, so tight and yet so tenderly... I can tell Him all about my sorrow, my sadness, I can tell Him about my frustrations and my worries.. and, I can leave it all with Him.. because I know, that His plans are to make all things beautiful in His time.. and I can breath deeper again in His presence.. Emmanuel.. my God is with me... on how I love Him...

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
 Of the greatness of his government and peace
    there will be no end.

Isaiah 9:6-7





Wednesday, December 10, 2014

... letting go, stepping back and seeing the bigger picture...





"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Way back when, when I first went and met my Daddy in heaven in this amazingly perfect way, when for the first time He showed me how He was holding me in His arms, looking me into the eyes and telling me that He wanted to know everything about me.. when He held me so that I could hear His heartbeat.. this was one of the scriptures that I had read and let sink into my heart.. this was the picture of Him and me He had given me and for many years this has been one of my "go to places" when things are difficult in this broken and often so cruel world..

today.. in His perfect timing, He, the Sovereign Lord over all creation has seen it fit to reveal this to me on a totally different level...

today.. after I have learned by living through all kinds of valleys and heartaches to trust Him, depend on Him, go to Him for everything, love Him and serve Him . after I have learned to open my hands and hold lose what I have.. ( relationships and things ) I have been stepping back, surrendering my desires and hopes and fully submitting to His will... 

and.. tada... what a different kind of scenery I can see .. I am getting a better picture of what He is doing, I am able to see the landscape surrounding my life and those moments that are hard and complicated, I can see a bigger picture and it makes more sense.. I am realizing how narrow my vision has been... 

the more I am letting go of the need to control, the more I can fathom how perfect His plan really is... and even when, and I am sure it is "when" and not "if"... there will be more difficulty and conflict, I will not need to hold on tighter and lose my new perspective..

as I understand more about my need for Him I will continue to draw close and closer and the closer I get to where He is, the more will I see things the way He sees them.. and it will all fall into place..

so today... I can receive the blessing of having someone in my life who rejoices over me and delights in me, someone who quiets me with his love . someone who through his kindness shows me, in a human way, some of what that love that my Father in Heaven and my Saviour, the Lover of my soul have for me, looks like.. and wow, does it ever blow me away.... as we are both focusing on the Father and acknowledging Him to be the source of anything good in our lives, we can truly rejoice in His goodness to us... together we will give Him all the glory and wait expectantly ....

all I can say is WOW... how good is He.. I love Him  ( and him :) ... blessed beyond what I could ever have imagined..


Thursday, December 4, 2014

..... the locusts did eat it ... but BEHOLD... HE is restoring it all :)



it's in the middle of the night and my cough has woken me up..
I am sick and I don't like it.
I really don't have time for it.
bags are packed, I am ready to go... not leaving yet but in a few hours.
leaving on a jet plane.. to visit one of the two places I have found in the last few years, that plaster a huge smile on my face as soon as I get there..... never to leave until I depart..

just lately that smile appears in the same way when thinking of, talking to or looking into the eyes of that most wonderful man that the Lord has brought into my life...

I am going to meet him there too..
so... really NO time at all to be sick considering we will together, in less than 13 hours, attend a Christmas concert of this artist, that over the last 5 years has been instrumental in drawing me closer to the One and Only...

reflecting on just how blessed I am this comes to mind:

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful 
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out 
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering 
Though there's pain in the offering 
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

a year ago I had been wondering if there were some huge blessing coming my way and I kind of couldn't believe it or receive it.. but today I am believing it alright..
my arms are wide open, as wide open as they were when one thing after another was taken away ... surrendering it all to Him I trusted Him to be there for me..

right now.. my arms are open and I am receiving the most over abundant blessings I have ever known... and my heart overflows with gratitude and joy...

so, sick or not sick.. I am thankful I can embark on this little trip in a few hours... my heart and my soul are smiling and I am not sure if that smile can get any bigger once my feet touch the ground in that favourite place of mine  and once that favourite person of mine has arrived as well..... 
it probably will :)


“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm—
my great army that I sent among you.
 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
    and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
    who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.
Joel 2:25-26

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
    we were like those who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.”
 The Lord has done great things for us,
    and we are filled with joy.
Psalm 126:1-3

Praise be to Him, for He is faithful!



Tuesday, December 2, 2014

.. Timehop App and American Thanksgiving now and then....



I really like the Timehop app... it's kind of cool to see what was going on a year ( or two or three or four ) ago...

good memories, or bad ones.. I think it is good to be reminded..
the good because we can just rejoice and be thankful for it again,
and the bad because maybe by now we can see some good that came from it, and if not, maybe we can be thankful it's over at least :)

this last weekend, it being American Thanksgiving and all had quite a few memories for me...
and it really made me think and ponder what has all happened in a year and how different the place I am in is now...

let's see..

a year ago I had made plans to downsize and move into a condo by putting down a deposit on a place that was being built. move in date May 23, 2014

I was living in my house and knew I was going to put it up for sale in the new year.
I knew a claim had been filed in court against me for a rather big sum of money... ( nothing to do with me, but with business done in my name MANY years ago by my father )

what I didn't know was, that through this a lien had been put on my house.....

I was "seeing" a great Christian man and wondered if this could maybe be "it"...
that weekend brought this relationship to a very unforeseen abrupt end and it left me hurt and confused..

as the year went on, I found a buyer for my house and continued to prepare for moving..

in January the Lord revealed to me the reason I was feeling as hopeless as I was for ever meeting a man of God to share my life with. He showed me very clearly that I had put this relationship on a pedestal and had made it an idol... as much as I was still seeking Him and finding meaning and joy in following Him I had been looking at Him kind of through that idol obstructing my clear view..
I repented and took the idol down..

I made a conscious effort to embrace being single and where the Lord had me... making nice meals for myself, going out for tea all alone, planning a road trip to go on by myself and enjoying the freedom of being on my own.. all the while loving the One who was holding me in His arms and serving Him, loving those He put around me...

May came and with it the chaos and upheaval surrounding my house sale and move.. let's just say it all ended in me having moved back into my house just last week... the lien still on and no resolution for that lawsuit...

summer came and went, road trip was great yet lonely... the financial situation stressing me out so much I was feeling like I was losing it when the Lord gave me this powerful scripture :

Surely God is my salvation;
    I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defence
    he has become my salvation.”
Isaiah 12:2

never before have I been that stressed out and scared and never before have I experienced that peace that transcends all human understanding like this either... thankfully, it has not left me since... All praise be to Him from whom all blessings flow..

this American Thanksgiving weekend the new man in my life came to visit me.. we spent four days together and I can honestly say I have never experienced anything like this before either..
the love that comes my way is blowing me away every second .. all my hopes and dreams are exceeded in every aspect.... with both of us seeking the Lord's will in this we are cautiously walking in His wisdom and we are BLESSED... there is a thrill of hope and my weary soul does rejoice.. I cannot comprehend the love my Saviour is pouring into my heart through this man of God and I am thanking Him and praising Him for it.

so.. Timehop.. it's cool...  and the Lord.. He is GOOD all the time.. His plans are to prosper and not to harm, He does give us a hope and a future and He turns everything into something good for those that LOVE Him.. who have been chosen according to His purpose.. His plans cannot be thwarted and He is on His throne, in the good and the bad times.. oh how thankful I am to know these truths..