.. I am really really NOT afraid, because He really really loves me :)

I realized something over the last week... I am NOT afraid... how cool is that???

over the last few months life has been rather scary..
for someone like me that seems to have been born with a knot in her stomach.. a fearful little girl.. treated badly and scared ... so many fears..

then He came into my life 20 years ago..  so much scared me.. roller coasters, the horses I had to ride, because my father wanted me to, so afraid of so many things.. couldn't sleep when my husband wasn't home.. was scared of flying.. never could relax for a second of it..  had gastritis and all kinds of anxiety most of my life...

He has healed me of most of those fears.. and then the unthinkable happened over 3 months ago and fear entered back in.. not in my mind, I knew I could trust the Lord, but in my body... that knot was there again.. it disappeared but then things didn't go as hoped, as prayed and asked God for...

read something posted on Facebook by a friend today... "how do I deserve that.." strange... I don't look at it that way.. so much always seems to go the worst possible way for me.. and I am convinced He allows it because He loves me... He is not overlooking anything... He, in His purposeful Goodness is at work in my life.. nothing happens outside His will..

and now, as I got really bad news, am facing the worst possible scenario and it is hanging over me ... I am NOT afraid.. that is so COOL!!!!!!!!!!!

learned about trusting and knew I wanted to do it.. without this little exercise over the last 3 months.. having to run to Him with no other way out.. there was and is just absolutely nothing I or anyone for that matter can do... and tada.... I am trusting Him... and I have peace.. I am not afraid... surrendered to His will , convinced it is the best for me.. like never before..

so I am only thankful...so very very ETERNALLY thankful.. all He says is TRUE.. and HE is all I need... I know that too now.. just so cool... go to Him and check it out.. it works...... He is who He says He is..  He ROCKS!!!!

.. You are my witness, and my servant, I have chosen you...

there are 66 books in the Bible.. and 1189 chapters...
in my search for what the Bible says about God and the glory, His glory, and us living for His glory I was led to that one chapter out of the 1189...  for the last few days I have been amazed by how much is in that one chapter..

He never ceases to amaze me...

His promise to be with us in the water and the river,  to keep us safe and not let the waters sweep over us..
His promise to be with us in the fire, to make sure that we won't get burned..

I have been thinking about this since "Worst case scenario" came to be..
walking through the river.. the waters, the flood, the storm, it's not pleasant... there will be a strong current that will try to pull us under.. yet, He will not let us drown..

walking through the fire.. we will not be alone or even get burned and killed, but, you can be sure about that, it will be HOT....

clearly Isaiah is referring to leading the people of Israel to safety by parting the Red Sea and the story about the furnace...

I think that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were uncomfortable, I am sure they didn't enjoy being thrown in the furnace and I am sure it didn't feel so well... they came out alive and in there, the had the Lord with them, and even in that heat, they must have had a most amazing experience, despite the fact they were in a blazing hot furnace...

as I am facing all the "Worst Case Scenario" will mean to me in the next few months, I am aware and weary, I have to admit, for all that will mean.. for what it will cost me and how hard it will be..yet, even yesterday, when trying to focus on Him to make it through the day.. there was a moment when He overwhelmed me with His love and care and provision...  it blows my mind..

reading on in Isaiah 43 it says this:

“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord,

    “and my servant whom I have chosen,

so that you may know and believe me

    and understand that I am he.

Before me no god was formed,

    nor will there be one after me.

I am His witness, I am His servant and He chose me.. ha... how can I be a witness to how He saves us and walks with us and never leaves us, even in the fire... without walking through the fire.. how can I know that this is true without experiencing it? How can I believe and understand and know Him more and love Him more, and witness about Him more and serve Him more... without Him walking with me through deep waters and making sure I am not drowning...  I know how it feels to be in a blazing hot furnace, I know how scary it can be and how unbearable.. but, I also know my God to be there with me.. I know Him, how much He cares and what He is all about.. I know His blessing and love in a way I would never know it had all always been nice and dandy and easy...

so... I believe without a shadow of a doubt that indeed He is doing a new thing... the old is done and over with... my past, as much as He allowed it, does not define me, this is not my legacy... this does not have to go on... His blessing is on me, because He loved me first I LOVE Him with all my heart and soul and mind, and I believe that He is making a way in the wilderness..  and streams in the wasteland.. the river of His Spirit is flowing and it is refreshing me.... as I am walking through the fire...