Monday, December 29, 2014

.. the Lord rescued me from it all....




this year is slowly coming to an end.. and even though I am one to always ponder what is going on and seeking the presence of the Lord to understand and become more like Him and therefore don't do the typical Year End Reflection and New Year's Resolution thing, I do have a few thoughts about all that today.. thanks to the passage of scripture we are reading for this week in my church...

reading and meditating on this just now I have been immensely blessed..

if ever there was a good challenge put out there this for sure is one...

I wrote it all down for myself and there were many things that spoke to me..  and since my heart is always inclined and focused a lot on my children.. I just had to personalize this passage a little:

But you, my children, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance.  You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured, —but the Lord rescued me from all of it.  Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.  But evil people and impostors will flourish. They will deceive others and will themselves be deceived.

 But you must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true, for you know you can trust those who taught you. You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.  God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.

2 Timothy 3: 10-17

I have, throughout my 20 1/2 years of being a Christ follower always tried to be the best godly mother I can be. 
I know I have failed, I know that I have been opposed, and persecuted, I know that there is a battle going on for my children, and I so needed the reminder that indeed all of what this passage says is true...

they have been taught the right things. they DO know what is true, they know they can trust those that taught them, from early childhood they have been taught the Holy Scriptures and those, thanks to the Almighty God, never go out without accomplishing exactly what He wants them to..

another cool thing is that verse 16 has been my oldest daughter's favourite scripture forever..

so, my soul is finding rest in this right now.. I am challenged to remain faithful and even though there will be more opposition and scary stuff, I know that they know and that He, this amazing Father of mine and them, loves them so much more than I do.. 

find rest my soul
in Christ alone
know His power 
in quietness and trust

(so that)
when the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still know you are God

AMEN

Saturday, December 27, 2014

.. opening my clenched fists...



friends wanting to meet my "new friend" we were invited to dinner by a very close one and her husband..

great food, fun, laughter and some really deep conversations.. this is what transpired..

long distance intentional dating...  ( what a big word.. sounds scary just by itself.. ) comes with it's own set of challenges.. with a lot of questions too, and ultimately one wonders how to figure it all out..

these amazing and godly friends, who are just embarking on a new and big and "out there" adventure themselves, shared some of their insight with us...

it's all, once again, about surrendering ...

SURRENDER ( as found in the Webster's Dictionary from 1828 )
To yield; to give up; to resign in favor of another; as, to surrender a right or privilege;
The act of yielding or resigning one's person or the possession of something, into the power of another

its all, once again, about seeking Him first and all things will fall into place..

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 
Matthew 6:31-34


it's all about focusing on one thing at a time..  first question is, is it God's will for us to be together .. focusing on one thing, not making the answer to that question dependent on how it will and can work itself out, but finding the answer for the first question first.. ( duh.. it is so simple really..)

because, if it is, then God will have the answers to the rest of the more detailed questions too..
where and when and how and all of that..

when doing this, we shift our focus to where it needs to be... on the One that knows the beginning from the end ( and ONLY He does.. ) He also is the one that is in control.. so really, rather than getting lost focusing on the details, and maybe messing it up all together, the focus NEEDS to be on Him...

it was to be expected that the Lord would use His blessings, like the trials He allows, to teach us to look to Him first, to depend on Him, to trust Him and obey Him..

so patiently we will wait on the Lord.. not easy, but the only way to make sure we are in God's will..

there is no other way.. I do NOT want to step out from under the umbrella of God's authority.. it's the only place to know His peace, blessing, joy and love...and His protection ...

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God
Psalm 46:10







Thursday, December 25, 2014

..Peace is here.. the baby has come....


It's Christmas.. well, for me and all my fellow European / German people it kind of is the day after Christmas already... truth is, celebrating Christmas not for Santa Clause but for the fact that Christ was born.. it kind of needs to be at night... the star and the angels and the shepherds and all, it happened at night.. not in the morning, hence.. we have Christmas Eve. :) ... ok.. sorry.. 

so Christmas this year ( Christmas Eve ), it was a joyous affair.. a beautiful church service, delicious dinner and gift opening.. lots of laughter and a movie once we all changed into the new PJs..

another special meal this morning and off they went, my girls that is... off to see their father for another Christmas celebration.. for the last 5 years this has been our experience .. for me this has meant spending Christmas day all by myself... very sad about that at first, I have been okay for a while now..

was listening to this song I love a lot, today, my heart filled again with gratitude and awe.. for what Christmas really means to us who believe.. not in Santa Clause or anything like that.. but in what God has done that night so very long ago.. 

The kings of this world 
Have torn it apart
But we can take heart
A baby will come

To the hungry and meek
To those who grieve
To the broken, in need
A baby will come

We have known pain
We’ve felt death’s sting
God, help us believe
This baby will come

The angel appeared
Said do not fear
For peace is here
A baby has come

The advent of life
Let hope arise
We’ve our Savior and Christ
The Baby has come

We’ve waited so long
God, for Your mighty arm
May our doubts ever calm
For the Baby has come

The proud will be low
The humble will know
They’re valued and loved
For the Baby has come

Cause the kings of this world
Won’t have the last word
That, God, is Yours
For the Baby has come

no more doubts, no more questions no one can answer, we can know we are valued and loved, because, not the rulers of this world, but God will have the last word.. the victory was won by that little tiny baby boy that was born that precious night so long ago.. He being without sin chose to give His life for those that would believe in Him.. through His death the questions are answered and I know why I am here, where I came from and where I am going...  His peace is mine and so is His love.. I am never alone, no matter if I am sitting at home with my children celebrating with their Dad somewhere else or in the midst of all those that I love.. 
this year I am not alone.. and for that I am thankful.. but whatever life will bring, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, there will always be hope... for the baby has come...

Praise be to God from whom all blessings flow.. His love knows no boundaries and He reigns forever and ever... He is mighty to save and He does care.. thankful He has loved me first.....

Sunday, December 21, 2014

.. God blessed the Broken Road....



had a nice long phone conversation tonite with this man God brought into my life.
convinced me even more that this is something real.
and it made me think of this song:

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

Rascal Flatts are cute and all, and this is a very nice song... but most of all I like what the words say because it goes so perfectly along with what the Bible teaches...

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 
Romans 8:28

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
Jeremiah 29:11

 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 
Genesis 50:20

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm
Joel 2:25

Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 42:18+19

I am careful not to put anything the Lord is doing on a pedestal, or a person for that matter.. I am careful to choose to rather praise the Lord for what He is doing...worship Him and thank Him.
I am thankful for His Word that keeps me grounded and I am thankful for His faithfulness..
I knew He was faithful and He is proving it to me again, even though He really doesn't have to..

I am delighted and I am thankful... because He is indeed doing a new thing and the road is blessed.. it's a broken road and the blessings are not only mine..
He is using my healed brokenness to reach out to others in a meaningful way..
I get to tell those around  about the wrong choices and the sins, done by me and to me.. and I get to  tell them about this Saviour of mine... this most amazing Almighty God, this Lover of my soul and this perfect Father I have.. I so love to brag about Him and how wonderful He is..

how He is indeed blessing the broken road.. and I am waiting expectantly to see what He will do through me and despite of me.. all for His glory ALONE...

#SoliDeoGloria











Thursday, December 18, 2014

... Dezembertraueme.... to His peace there will be no end....



I don't know about you, but sometimes my heart is spinning out of control.. so much to do, so many needs, so much chaos and frustration .. so many hurts all around me and somehow I seem to be the one who ends up trying to speak peace and love into all those situations...

sometimes that's well received and other times it's not..

I don't know about you, but it sometimes seems easier to help those that are not quite as close.. when those that you love the most seem unreachable..

listening to some German Christmas song from a CD my kids had when they were small..  I got very sad..

was sharing my abbreviated testimony at our Hope for Life Christmas party yesterday, joking about my "relationship" with the country of my origin..

truth is, my citizenship is in Heaven and my roots on this earth definitely are deeply anchored here in Canada.. but listening to this little Children's Christmas song in German... it brought up some sadness that shouldn't surprise me..

had a long talk with my mother today and if there is anything that makes me sad, it definitely would be seeing / hearing about the destructive way my loved ones are relating with one another..

once again I found myself trying to speak God's truth of peace and love and forgiveness to her... I can never get more than a "yeah, you are right, BUT... so and so is doing this and this and..... " breaks my heart.. I can see so clearly how, unless God steps into the situation in a HUGE way, this is not going to end well for all involved.. 

when sharing my testimony yesterday I spoke about meeting my Daddy in Heaven and how no matter what is going on in my life I can always run to Him, how I can always find comfort, hope and love, unconditional love...  and how precious He is to me, how much I love Him.. because He first loved me..

the truth of the story of my life, my history, my "His'- story is as true today as it was yesterday and 2 weeks ago when I was experiencing some extra special blessings for a few days.. away from all the turmoil, just enjoying God's extravagant love for me and the one He brought into my life.. 

that truth is that He came to save those that would believe in Him, that  God gave His beloved son to come into this world, as a baby, to grow up without sin, so that He could be the perfect sacrifice for the sins of us who believe.. that not only would He save us, but He, from that moment would always be in us.. leading us, guiding us, growing us up, giving us peace and this hope... a hope that can never be disappointed, because it is in Him, and He does not disappoint..never.. giving us hope and peace and love.. that unconditional love that we all so long for..

so to Him I run, into His arms.. and when He holds me, so tight and yet so tenderly... I can tell Him all about my sorrow, my sadness, I can tell Him about my frustrations and my worries.. and, I can leave it all with Him.. because I know, that His plans are to make all things beautiful in His time.. and I can breath deeper again in His presence.. Emmanuel.. my God is with me... on how I love Him...

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
 Of the greatness of his government and peace
    there will be no end.

Isaiah 9:6-7





Wednesday, December 10, 2014

... letting go, stepping back and seeing the bigger picture...





"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Way back when, when I first went and met my Daddy in heaven in this amazingly perfect way, when for the first time He showed me how He was holding me in His arms, looking me into the eyes and telling me that He wanted to know everything about me.. when He held me so that I could hear His heartbeat.. this was one of the scriptures that I had read and let sink into my heart.. this was the picture of Him and me He had given me and for many years this has been one of my "go to places" when things are difficult in this broken and often so cruel world..

today.. in His perfect timing, He, the Sovereign Lord over all creation has seen it fit to reveal this to me on a totally different level...

today.. after I have learned by living through all kinds of valleys and heartaches to trust Him, depend on Him, go to Him for everything, love Him and serve Him . after I have learned to open my hands and hold lose what I have.. ( relationships and things ) I have been stepping back, surrendering my desires and hopes and fully submitting to His will... 

and.. tada... what a different kind of scenery I can see .. I am getting a better picture of what He is doing, I am able to see the landscape surrounding my life and those moments that are hard and complicated, I can see a bigger picture and it makes more sense.. I am realizing how narrow my vision has been... 

the more I am letting go of the need to control, the more I can fathom how perfect His plan really is... and even when, and I am sure it is "when" and not "if"... there will be more difficulty and conflict, I will not need to hold on tighter and lose my new perspective..

as I understand more about my need for Him I will continue to draw close and closer and the closer I get to where He is, the more will I see things the way He sees them.. and it will all fall into place..

so today... I can receive the blessing of having someone in my life who rejoices over me and delights in me, someone who quiets me with his love . someone who through his kindness shows me, in a human way, some of what that love that my Father in Heaven and my Saviour, the Lover of my soul have for me, looks like.. and wow, does it ever blow me away.... as we are both focusing on the Father and acknowledging Him to be the source of anything good in our lives, we can truly rejoice in His goodness to us... together we will give Him all the glory and wait expectantly ....

all I can say is WOW... how good is He.. I love Him  ( and him :) ... blessed beyond what I could ever have imagined..


Thursday, December 4, 2014

..... the locusts did eat it ... but BEHOLD... HE is restoring it all :)



it's in the middle of the night and my cough has woken me up..
I am sick and I don't like it.
I really don't have time for it.
bags are packed, I am ready to go... not leaving yet but in a few hours.
leaving on a jet plane.. to visit one of the two places I have found in the last few years, that plaster a huge smile on my face as soon as I get there..... never to leave until I depart..

just lately that smile appears in the same way when thinking of, talking to or looking into the eyes of that most wonderful man that the Lord has brought into my life...

I am going to meet him there too..
so... really NO time at all to be sick considering we will together, in less than 13 hours, attend a Christmas concert of this artist, that over the last 5 years has been instrumental in drawing me closer to the One and Only...

reflecting on just how blessed I am this comes to mind:

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful 
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out 
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering 
Though there's pain in the offering 
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

a year ago I had been wondering if there were some huge blessing coming my way and I kind of couldn't believe it or receive it.. but today I am believing it alright..
my arms are wide open, as wide open as they were when one thing after another was taken away ... surrendering it all to Him I trusted Him to be there for me..

right now.. my arms are open and I am receiving the most over abundant blessings I have ever known... and my heart overflows with gratitude and joy...

so, sick or not sick.. I am thankful I can embark on this little trip in a few hours... my heart and my soul are smiling and I am not sure if that smile can get any bigger once my feet touch the ground in that favourite place of mine  and once that favourite person of mine has arrived as well..... 
it probably will :)


“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm—
my great army that I sent among you.
 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
    and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
    who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.
Joel 2:25-26

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
    we were like those who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.”
 The Lord has done great things for us,
    and we are filled with joy.
Psalm 126:1-3

Praise be to Him, for He is faithful!



Tuesday, December 2, 2014

.. Timehop App and American Thanksgiving now and then....



I really like the Timehop app... it's kind of cool to see what was going on a year ( or two or three or four ) ago...

good memories, or bad ones.. I think it is good to be reminded..
the good because we can just rejoice and be thankful for it again,
and the bad because maybe by now we can see some good that came from it, and if not, maybe we can be thankful it's over at least :)

this last weekend, it being American Thanksgiving and all had quite a few memories for me...
and it really made me think and ponder what has all happened in a year and how different the place I am in is now...

let's see..

a year ago I had made plans to downsize and move into a condo by putting down a deposit on a place that was being built. move in date May 23, 2014

I was living in my house and knew I was going to put it up for sale in the new year.
I knew a claim had been filed in court against me for a rather big sum of money... ( nothing to do with me, but with business done in my name MANY years ago by my father )

what I didn't know was, that through this a lien had been put on my house.....

I was "seeing" a great Christian man and wondered if this could maybe be "it"...
that weekend brought this relationship to a very unforeseen abrupt end and it left me hurt and confused..

as the year went on, I found a buyer for my house and continued to prepare for moving..

in January the Lord revealed to me the reason I was feeling as hopeless as I was for ever meeting a man of God to share my life with. He showed me very clearly that I had put this relationship on a pedestal and had made it an idol... as much as I was still seeking Him and finding meaning and joy in following Him I had been looking at Him kind of through that idol obstructing my clear view..
I repented and took the idol down..

I made a conscious effort to embrace being single and where the Lord had me... making nice meals for myself, going out for tea all alone, planning a road trip to go on by myself and enjoying the freedom of being on my own.. all the while loving the One who was holding me in His arms and serving Him, loving those He put around me...

May came and with it the chaos and upheaval surrounding my house sale and move.. let's just say it all ended in me having moved back into my house just last week... the lien still on and no resolution for that lawsuit...

summer came and went, road trip was great yet lonely... the financial situation stressing me out so much I was feeling like I was losing it when the Lord gave me this powerful scripture :

Surely God is my salvation;
    I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defence
    he has become my salvation.”
Isaiah 12:2

never before have I been that stressed out and scared and never before have I experienced that peace that transcends all human understanding like this either... thankfully, it has not left me since... All praise be to Him from whom all blessings flow..

this American Thanksgiving weekend the new man in my life came to visit me.. we spent four days together and I can honestly say I have never experienced anything like this before either..
the love that comes my way is blowing me away every second .. all my hopes and dreams are exceeded in every aspect.... with both of us seeking the Lord's will in this we are cautiously walking in His wisdom and we are BLESSED... there is a thrill of hope and my weary soul does rejoice.. I cannot comprehend the love my Saviour is pouring into my heart through this man of God and I am thanking Him and praising Him for it.

so.. Timehop.. it's cool...  and the Lord.. He is GOOD all the time.. His plans are to prosper and not to harm, He does give us a hope and a future and He turns everything into something good for those that LOVE Him.. who have been chosen according to His purpose.. His plans cannot be thwarted and He is on His throne, in the good and the bad times.. oh how thankful I am to know these truths..



Saturday, November 15, 2014

.. struck down, but not destroyed :)



so today I went back to my Condo and started packing .. going to move in a little over a week and it hit me when I was walking up the stairs...

six months ago I was busy getting ready to move into my new place... and even though some of the stuff that is making me move back now had already happened, I was excited and full of hope that in the end all would turn out as planned ..

truth is that it is all working out as planned... not as I planned it.... but still...

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. 
Proverbs 19:21

I had made good plans.. I had prayed about it and the reason to move there was to be wise with my money and adjust to changing circumstances.. an "empty nester" ( at least most of the time) didn't need a 3 bedroom house anymore.. or so I thought..

so. was this not God's plan? did I make a wrong choice? 
there is reason to think that because I am ending up where I started and I am kind of thankful for that.. ( weird, but that's how God can work when we fully surrender to His will... he turns what we didn't want into a blessing... mind boggling )
yet.. I don't think that my plans and decisions were wrong..

without having made those I would not have gone through the turmoil and the stress.. the upheaval and the fearful moments.. I would not have learned to rely on God in yet another area of my life... I would not have experienced Him taking my fear and giving me a peace that was SOOOO NICE and amazing... I still can't quite fathom it..

so I don't think that this was not God's plan... I believe as much as He is not the one creating the complications, He purposefully allows them.. out of His Goodness and Love... for those that love Him He will take all the puzzle pieces and turn them into a beautiful picture..

a picture of His love and provision, of His care and compassion.. of His might and splendour and majesty... 

I know Him more, I believe Him more and I am excited about what He is doing more.. I trust Him more, I rely on Him more and I worship Him more... I can share and relate to others more... and all of that because He, in His grace and mercy caught me when I was falling... again... He never leaves those that are His, He never forsakes us... He loved us enough to give His Son... will He not give us everything else we need??? I know He does... beyond a shadow of a doubt..



But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 
2 Corinthians 4:7-9

AMEN

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

.. light and momentary troubles.....

what a grey and yucky day.. very likely just one of many, many more to come in the next few months..

assaulted by all kinds of scary news in all kinds of different areas of my life, sometime it takes a little more "willpower / fixing my eyes on Jesus" to stand firm on what I know is true..

in my walk with the Lord I have learned that I am a lot closer to succumbing to taking my eyes off the One who is my hope, than I would like to be..

today was on of these days..

emails and texts and phone calls.. all the stuff I have to do in the next 3 weeks looming over me and making me want to just hide.....

I am so thankful that on that day, when Jesus opened my eyes to my need for Him and saved me, the Holy Spirit took residence inside of me.. because on days like this one I would be so tempted to point the finger and get all mad at all those people and circumstances that make me feel the way I do right now..

so thankful that because of Him I am not into that... if there is anyone to blame, forgiveness is the answer..
if there seems to be no strength to face what lies ahead ... Jesus will give it to me.. and I am able to take the next step relying solely on Him ..
if fear wants to take over, I choose to believe in what He promises me in His Word.. and hope replaces the worries...

I am going to have to move again in a little less than three weeks and a lot has to be done in order for that to happen.. the move itself is the opposite of what I had been planning.. a well thought through and prayed over plan thwarted by circumstances resulting from disregard and selfishness on the part of someone who should have had my back rather than exposing me to this..
the underlying situation surrounding the last 6 months of chaos is heating up and that could translate into real loss.. which in turn would leave me in a rather vulnerable spot..
family members struggling with pretty scary health problems.. and the list goes on..

and yet...

where does my help come from?
my helps comes from the Lord of Heaven and Earth
He, who holds me in the palm of His hand,
He, who is the Lord of lords and the King of kings,
He whose plans can not be thwarted,
He who is all powerful and all knowing ,
He, who came, and even when I was His enemy, lifted me out of the pit,
out of darkness into His marvellous light,
He, who suffered and bled and died..so that I could have a relationship with Him,
He, who rose again and defeated death...
He, the Lover of my soul, He loves me and cares for me in a way I cannot even comprehend..

so... grey day, rain, chaos and stress.. it's all nothing compared to the joy of knowing Him,
of snuggling into His arms of love... of putting my head on His shoulder, able now to let go of all the temporal... and allowing waves of eternity wash over me... absorbing His very tangible love..

I  am blessed indeed ! 
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

AMEN

Friday, October 31, 2014

... not sorrow, grief or loss.. but only blessings when we trust and obey...




I just had a GREAT revelation...

just lately I have been confronted with some stuff that I kind of think I should be done with...
hurts inflicted by some people that kind of no longer are in my life.. and yet they are... kind of..
and... it's been tough.. especially since it is not really my hurt, but that of others, who I LOVE... a lot..
and still mine too.. kind of...

praying as I was driving away.. I was asking the Lord when it would finally end .. thinking about this I came to the conclusion it probably never will and that made me feel even more discouraged..

now.. a little while later, when thinking about it again, prompted by the Counselor that makes His home inside of me..  I decided to pray and forgive.. because I just cannot stay there..
there is nothing I can do to change the situation, all I can do is to trust and obey..
trust and obey the One that is in control and who loves not only me, but those I love, too..

obey Him because He tells me to forgive.. since He forgave me...
and trusting Him for what I cannot control and change.. for those I love and myself..

I know that He is the one that because of His purposeful goodness allows that stuff in our lives..
so... really... it's best to stick to the plan.. the plan of the One who sent His Son to make a way for sinners like me and everyone else who will believe..

after all, His plans are to prosper and not to harm, to give a future and a hope..

He said this and I believe it:

Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

such freedom.. such relief and peace.. thanking Him for how black and white it all really is..

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He does richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

AMEN






Tuesday, October 21, 2014

.. whatever happens.. rejoice in the LORD....



Whatever happens, my dear brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord. I never get tired of telling you these things, and I do it to safeguard your faith.
( Philippians 3: 1)

no matter how things are going for me, no matter how much reason for "happiness" I have or none.. no matter if my relationships are what I want them to be, no matter how successful I am, no matter the amount of worries of any kind I have... in order to safeguard my faith I have to choose to rejoice...

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

whatever happens... and on this earth you will have trouble, but the One who chose to save you by dying on the cross for you, He, He has overcome the world.. He has overcome death, He paid the price.. whatever happens.. choose to rejoice in Him and praise Him.. 

let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. for the joy set before him ( of making us His own )  he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
( Hebrews 12: 1-2 )

Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ
( Philippians 3:8 )

whatever happens is nothing compared to the immeasurable riches of knowing Him ... the endless treasures of being His... eternally.....





Sunday, October 19, 2014

... sick puppies and a great mystery...



... between almost losing my oldest puppy dog this week.. thank God he was the one "critical" patient at the vet clinic that made it... lot's of stuff to take care of for moving, selling and other stuff, busy at work and concerned and praying for the "family front" I was blessed to get away from....

I was thankful that this week, like every week, so faithfully my Lord and King had some real cool insight for me...

when I lie in bed and all I can pray is "your will be done" over and over again.. I am so glad that I know, no matter how things will feel for me and those that I love here for a while, right in the middle of His will is the only place I am free.. the only place that is right.. the only place that is going to be best.. for all involved..

precious time with my children.. entrusting them to Him who loves them more than I do... even when my heart breaks for what they are having to deal with.. I cherish every minute...

so He showed me some stuff this week... something exciting about the mystery of who He is.. the mystery that Paul, the zealous apostle understood and that made him into this man that was willing to lay down his life for the church ..

by His Spirit He has indeed revealed to us the mystery of Christ.. the unsearchable riches of Him, accomplished for us by His death and resurrection.... the endless treasures available to us in Christ..

we are the ones that have been charged with letting the world know about all this... a world perishing... blinded by "worldly wisdom" as blind and deceiving today as it was 2000 years ago...

"We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began.  None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.  However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—
 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God."
(1 Corinthians 2: 6-10 )

how exciting... how amazingly cool .. this does not only speak about what heaven will be like for us one day.. no, this applies to our lives today.. living like He tells us in His Word, only by His strength and grace.. we have no idea how GREAT the things are that He has for us.. living for Him.. serving Him, telling others about this "out of this world mystery" I have indeed seen Him doing this.. in the midst of destruction, rejection and abandonment, scary stuff and plain, unbearable pain... He has carried me and blessed me in ways I could never have imagined.. seen or heard.... He ALONE is worthy, there is none beside Him.. NONE..

so let's tell everyone... let's be as zealous as Paul was, who cares if some might think we are a little fanatic... I am CRAZILY in love with Him.. Him, whose name is HOLY..

all praise and glory is HIS, now and for eternity.. AMEN..









Monday, October 13, 2014

.. As I go, hand of God, my defence, by my side....


missed Thanksgiving with my family and worshipping with my church family this weekend ..
a necessary trip to step up to the "plate" of family responsibilities and obligations.. a good and valid reason to forsake the meeting together of the community of fellow believers my God has placed me into..

and yet.. too bad that stepping into the "birth family" usually means stepping away from the family of God.. not only in regards to the "physical" place but also in a spiritual sense.. darkness encroaches that tries to dim and  snuff out the light that so brightly shines when drawing close to the Lord together..

I know that He is always there, I know that His power lives in me and that I am not ever going to lose it.. I know that He Himself is my peace and that nothing can ever snatch me away and out of His loving hands..

finding time for some solitude, to dwell in His presence.....  it's hard to come by..

so I am relieved that tomorrow morning I can depart and go back to my home.
so thankful that He indeed has worked it out that I have a place like this.. ( no matter the circumstances surrounding me personally )

Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus,  by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body,  and since we have a great priest over the house of God,  let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,  not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. ( Hebrews 10: 19-25 )

thankful to God for those that are here to spurn me on towards love and good deeds, those that encourage me and are Christ to me..

As I rise, strength of God
Go before, lift me up
As I wake, eyes of God
Look upon, be my sight

As I wait, heart of God
Satisfy and sustain
As I hear, voice of God
Lead me on, and be my guide
And be my guide

Above and below me
Before and behind me
In every eye that sees me
Christ be all around me

As I go, hand of God
My defense, by my side
As I rest, breath of God
Fall upon, bring me peace
Bring me peace

Your life, Your death
Your blood was shed
For every moment
Every moment

Above and below me
Before and behind me
In every eye that sees me
Christ be all around me


even when those that are "Christ around me" can't be close, I know that He is right here, surrounding me and giving me all I need so that every eye that sees me can see Christ in me... 
trusting Him to do this for His glory, 
AMEN

Saturday, September 20, 2014

.. the world grows strangely dim.. Auf Wiedersehen Facebook... :)

 I am about to take a little break from the social networking scene.. I have loved being on Facebook since I joined in 2008.. it's been a great place of connecting with my family and friends... a great place to connect with people I met somewhere for a little while, and those I never met.. I have been encouraged and inspired, I have felt loved and appreciated, I have tried to build up and support, have laughed and cried with my friends on there.. I have been part of their lives and they have been part of mine.. so really, as I am taking a break, I am not doing this because anything bad has ever transpired for me there...

and yet, over the last few months, more and more I have felt that I needed to step out of the limelight... felt that I needed to focus on where God has me, making the circle a bit smaller..

as my kids are growing up and the connecting is more short intervals of quality time, I have learned to be more intentional about it , more focused...

as the needs in my extended family have been changing, as parents are aging and God has been showing me that I need to embrace my role more intentionally there also... I want to be obedient and do that, as well as I can..

over the last 5 years, while walking through difficulty and turmoil God has used my wider circle of Facebook friends to uphold me..  He has always provided "Christ beside me"..

He has blessed me with a church family, deep connections with Jesus as our foundation.. sisters and brothers in Christ, "getting" me like no one else..

BUT... most of all... He really has shown me that it really, totally is ABOUT HIM...

so, on this journey over the last 4 months, when my nicely constructed house of cards just fell apart one day... I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed to look to Him, not even to my fellow believers that much.. as He gave me peace I have learned that I don't need to be out there telling everyone...  (and again, I don't think there is anything wrong with that... )
I have become a little protective of my closeness with the lover of my soul.. as I have been turning my eyes upon Jesus, the world has grown strangely dim...

I don't think I am able to put into words what I really feel... I am just so very, very blessed... so thankful, so full of love for Him, who indeed is ALL we need..
He has put me and uses me in a place where I can find purpose and bring glory to His name.. He has given me a ministry and such over abundant love for the people I get to minister to..
He has proven Himself faithful to me over and over and over again..

just last night and today He "single-handedly" removed the black clouds out of my life.. provided and took care of me like no one ever could...  and so, I am stepping away from the distraction for a while, because I want to give Him all He deserves.. all the Praise and Glory due His Name..



He is marvellous, He is majestic and mighty..
He is all powerful and He is mine..

and I am His...

it doesn't get much better than this..

I am in awe of His love for me
His mercy
His grace..

I love all the people He has put in my life and I will never run out of love for all of them..

because He fills my cup to overflowing each and every day...


It is, and has always been and will always be all about Him and Him Alone..
#SoliDeoGloria

Monday, September 8, 2014

LOVE is ... to know and to be known....

so amazed at our Father in Heaven and the fact that He indeed wants a close personal relationship with me..

when I first found out about that a little over 20 years ago it blew me away... since then it continues to boggle my mind and fill my heart with love..

no matter how long I live I know I will not be able to fully discover what this love He has for me all contains..

He has been my refuge in times of trouble..
He has been my encourager and cheerleader when I think I can't do it anymore..
He has been my provider, my Healer... and most of all He IS the Lover of my soul...

50 years old now I have come to the conclusion that love is to know and to be known by the "partner" in the relationship.. for someone to never tire of hearing from you and willingly sharing what he/she is all about..

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He always wants to hear from me.. this is what His Word tells me about this:

This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. ( 2 Kings 20:5)

The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.( Psalm 6:9 )

 God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer
 or withheld his love from me! ( Psalm 66: 19-20)

The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous. ( Proverbs 15:29)

But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. ( Luke 1:13 )

and He has given me this book... He is the author and all I need to know is contained in it's pages.. He has revealed Himself and by His Spirit, that dwells within me I can know Him.. intimately..

as I spent more and more time with Him my love for Him is just going to grow and grow as I am understanding more and more how much He loves me... it's all quite amazing actually :)

so even on days like today.. when some clouds on the horizon seem black somehow.. when this weary feeling wants to take over.. when I find myself getting unsettled and sighing more than usually.. I can be sure of that.. He loves me with an everlasting love.. He will never leave me or forsake me and He is indeed all that I will ever need!

SO grateful for that!!!!




Monday, September 1, 2014

... "Fly Baby Bird Fly"... He's got it under CONTROL....

so she has left the nest.. my little baby bird.. the little one, the last one... the spoiled, over protected, unique, precious youngest daughter of mine..

excited for what these next few months will teach her.. she is growing up, and I like what I am seeing.. strong inside and passionate.. she has been making good choices navigating through this rather confusing, at times overwhelming world..

she has been texting, calling and emailing and I have seen a few pictures too... I am happy to see her smile.. praying for exactly that.. just looking at the last picture I got a little sad though...

I think that is one part of what this is.. for the longest time, actually for the her entire life.. I was pretty much around.. well, obviously not all the time, she was always a little busy social butterfly.. but still... not to be around at all is going to be strange.. it's okay.. and, she in her very wonderful letter to say Good bye to me she even said it.. this is a time for me.. not to have to take care of her anymore.. how cute.. and how weird... :)

I know that our God has it all laid out perfectly... the growing up is part of His perfect plan.. for each one of us.. just learned some more of how beautifully, creatively and amazingly He has EVERYTHING planned out..

always liked the story of Naomi and Ruth, her daughter in law.. and Boaz, the Kinsman Redeemer, who, man of integrity that he was, came in and solved all the problems they had... Naomi, wife of Elimelech.. whose faith in His God was not strong enough to keep him in his native land during a famine , fleeing to Moab, a hostile country.. both sons getting married to Moabite women, ( sinning again... ) lost her husband and both her sons in this foreign land and ended up returning to Bethlehem, returning home,  hiding under the protection of the God of her people... bitter and without hope..

but there He had put all those plans and provision  in place for her.. laws about gleaning, ( grains purposefully left behind by those harvesting for the poor, the orphans and widows ) and ultimately the Kinsman Redeemer... redeeming the land that was Naomi's but that she was not able to work, and marrying Ruth ... so the two women were taken care of....

and then.. He, Our Good and Merciful God, who loves us so... He goes even further.. He, who is able to do all things, He "gives conception" to the formerly barren Ruth.. and the family lineage can go on.. "funny" how this son, Obed, ends up to be the father of Jesse, who was the father of David...

what started out as disobedience and rebellion led to a homecoming, back under the authority and protection of Him, who is wise beyond what we could ever even comprehend.. who is forgiving, and infinitely loving.. and He.. He had it all planned out long before.. bringing good from the bad for those that love Him, trust Him and obey Him..

so for all of us letting go of our children.. we can be assured that He has it all planned out down to the most intricate detail... His love for them far outweighs ours ( as much as I cannot get my head around that one ) ... so... "empty nest" mothers and fathers... trust Him and wait expectantly on Him .. He is going to do great things in the lives of our baby birds :)

Saturday, August 16, 2014

.. I am really really NOT afraid, because He really really loves me :)


I realized something over the last week... I am NOT afraid... how cool is that???

over the last few months life has been rather scary..
for someone like me that seems to have been born with a knot in her stomach.. a fearful little girl.. treated badly and scared ... so many fears..

then He came into my life 20 years ago..  so much scared me.. roller coasters, the horses I had to ride, because my father wanted me to, so afraid of so many things.. couldn't sleep when my husband wasn't home.. was scared of flying.. never could relax for a second of it..  had gastritis and all kinds of anxiety most of my life...

He has healed me of most of those fears.. and then the unthinkable happened over 3 months ago and fear entered back in.. not in my mind, I knew I could trust the Lord, but in my body... that knot was there again.. it disappeared but then things didn't go as hoped, as prayed and asked God for...

read something posted on Facebook by a friend today... "how do I deserve that.." strange... I don't look at it that way.. so much always seems to go the worst possible way for me.. and I am convinced He allows it because He loves me... He is not overlooking anything... He, in His purposeful Goodness is at work in my life.. nothing happens outside His will..

and now, as I got really bad news, am facing the worst possible scenario and it is hanging over me ... I am NOT afraid.. that is so COOL!!!!!!!!!!!

learned about trusting and knew I wanted to do it.. without this little exercise over the last 3 months.. having to run to Him with no other way out.. there was and is just absolutely nothing I or anyone for that matter can do... and tada.... I am trusting Him... and I have peace.. I am not afraid... surrendered to His will , convinced it is the best for me.. like never before..

so I am only thankful...so very very ETERNALLY thankful.. all He says is TRUE.. and HE is all I need... I know that too now.. just so cool... go to Him and check it out.. it works...... He is who He says He is..  He ROCKS!!!!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

.. You are my witness, and my servant, I have chosen you...



there are 66 books in the Bible.. and 1189 chapters...
in my search for what the Bible says about God and the glory, His glory, and us living for His glory I was led to that one chapter out of the 1189...  for the last few days I have been amazed by how much is in that one chapter..

He never ceases to amaze me...

His promise to be with us in the water and the river,  to keep us safe and not let the waters sweep over us..
His promise to be with us in the fire, to make sure that we won't get burned..

I have been thinking about this since "Worst case scenario" came to be..
walking through the river.. the waters, the flood, the storm, it's not pleasant... there will be a strong current that will try to pull us under.. yet, He will not let us drown..

walking through the fire.. we will not be alone or even get burned and killed, but, you can be sure about that, it will be HOT....

clearly Isaiah is referring to leading the people of Israel to safety by parting the Red Sea and the story about the furnace...

I think that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were uncomfortable, I am sure they didn't enjoy being thrown in the furnace and I am sure it didn't feel so well... they came out alive and in there, the had the Lord with them, and even in that heat, they must have had a most amazing experience, despite the fact they were in a blazing hot furnace...

as I am facing all the "Worst Case Scenario" will mean to me in the next few months, I am aware and weary, I have to admit, for all that will mean.. for what it will cost me and how hard it will be..yet, even yesterday, when trying to focus on Him to make it through the day.. there was a moment when He overwhelmed me with His love and care and provision...  it blows my mind..

reading on in Isaiah 43 it says this:

“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord,
    “and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
    and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
    nor will there be one after me.

I am His witness, I am His servant and He chose me.. ha... how can I be a witness to how He saves us and walks with us and never leaves us, even in the fire... without walking through the fire.. how can I know that this is true without experiencing it? How can I believe and understand and know Him more and love Him more, and witness about Him more and serve Him more... without Him walking with me through deep waters and making sure I am not drowning...  I know how it feels to be in a blazing hot furnace, I know how scary it can be and how unbearable.. but, I also know my God to be there with me.. I know Him, how much He cares and what He is all about.. I know His blessing and love in a way I would never know it had all always been nice and dandy and easy...


so... I believe without a shadow of a doubt that indeed He is doing a new thing... the old is done and over with... my past, as much as He allowed it, does not define me, this is not my legacy... this does not have to go on... His blessing is on me, because He loved me first I LOVE Him with all my heart and soul and mind, and I believe that He is making a way in the wilderness..  and streams in the wasteland.. the river of His Spirit is flowing and it is refreshing me.... as I am walking through the fire... 

Thursday, July 31, 2014

....peace when the THREAT LEVEL is upgraded to RED.. All Glory be to HIM...

received an email last night, finally, after a frustrating almost 3 months of waiting, and as much as it is so much better to at least have an idea what to expect, the news itself was not good..

over the last little while I have been trying to hide in my Father in Heaven's embrace.. trusting Him and not being afraid of what might be coming my way...

and now it is here... worst case scenario..

sharing the news with some friends asking them to pray, in an eerie way the peace never quite left me.. that peace that surpasses all understanding has been mine throughout all of this... trusting and not being afraid as I drifted of to sleep and throughout the night the only prayer I had was that He would be glorified through all of this..

thanks to technology I was able to do a little search of the Bible for the word "glory" this morning.. these are a few of the scriptures I found..

Sing to the Lord, all the earth;
    proclaim his salvation day after day.
 Declare his glory among the nations,
    his marvelous deeds among all peoples.
1 Chronicles 16:23-24

 I will extol the Lord at all times;
    his praise will always be on my lips.
 I will glory in the Lord;
    let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
 Glorify the Lord with me;
    let us exalt his name together.
Psalm 34:1-3

All your works praise you, Lord;
    your faithful people extol you.
 They tell of the glory of your kingdom
    and speak of your might,
 so that all people may know of your mighty acts
    and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Psalm 145:10-12

there are many of those and they just confirmed what my heart was telling me.. rejoicing in Him, praising Him and giving Him the glory is what it is all about, no matter how harsh the circumstances..

I kept on scrolling through the scriptures and " Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!".... He had so much more for me..

Isaiah 43 has been a place where even throughout these last 3 months I have found some real encouragement and peace... there is verses 1-3.. the walking through the river and fire part.. love that one.. then there was the one I really have been clinging to.. verses 18-19:

“Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

the verses that were listed for "glory" where verses 4-7.. following right after the promise that He would walk with us through the fires.. and the raging storms..

here it is:
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
    nations in exchange for your life.
 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
    I will bring your children from the east
    and gather you from the west.
 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
    and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
    and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
 everyone who is called by my name,
    whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made.”

I marvel at my God, the Mighty One, I marvel at His Word, I marvel at His love and provision, for this is what He said to me...

I created you for my glory... I love you and you are precious in my sight.. I will walk with you through the difficult things that you now know are coming your way.. you don't have to be afraid.. in my mighty power I will make all things work out.. because I created you for my glory, I made you and formed you... and... just to give you a light at the end of this very dark and scary tunnel.... I am about to do a new thing... forget the old and bad stuff that is causing all this for you.. there will be streams in the wilderness and I will give you rest in the presence of your enemies.. I will do new things that you cannot even imagine, because ...you are mine, you are precious and honoured in my sight... 

my heart is once again overflowing with His grace and love...  because He is faithful and when we seek Him with all our heart He is found.. I asked that His glory would be seen through all this ... and wow, did He ever meet me..

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
    in the morning I lay my requests before you
    and wait expectantly.