Thursday, July 25, 2013

agape .. selfless and sacrificial.....

... a new friend introduced me to a wonderful Devotional... a book called "Sparkling Gems from the Greek" by Rick Renner.....

each day in this book the author looks at one or two words of a verse in the Bible... their meaning in the Greek and what it means to us... very deep... I love it..

so today, I read about "Galatians 5:22  Now the fruit of the Spirit is love...."

love... wonderful insight and a great description of the love that is the highest kind of love, agape love, a love that expects nothing back in return, you will not feel let down or hurt by the response of the recipient of your love, you don't love them for the purpose of getting something in return, you shower them with love simply because you love them... " this love is much higher than "eros" love that is based on selfishness" .... agape love knows no boundaries in how far and wide, how deep it will go to show that love to the recipient.. if necessary, agape love will even sacrifice itself for the person it so deeply cherishes..."

God loves us this way... and since we have the seed of God in us, from the moment we were saved, His Spirit is growing us up to be like God, love like God.... love with an agape love...

pretty amazing..

and then, later in the day I read an article about the history of sex education in Canada and this is what I read there:


"Now we have comprehensive sexuality education. It includes discussion of identity, gender, reproductive rights, and discrimination. Children learn that they’re sexual from birth, and that the proper time for sexual activity is when they feel ready. They’re taught that they have rights to pleasure, birth control, and abortion.
The terms husband and wife aren’t used, the union of man and woman is one of several options, and morality? Well, that’s judging, and judging is not allowed.
You won’t find much biology in sexuality education, but there’s voluminous information on the varieties of sexual expression, the pros and cons of different contraceptives and abortions, and the harms of gender stereotypes.
Gender itself is a complicated matter. A boy might turn into a man, a woman, or something else. A girl might feel she was born in the wrong body, and want her breasts removed. This is all normal, children learn.
There are over two dozen sexually transmitted diseases, and infection with one of these “lovebugs” is considered by some to be a part of growing up. A doctor declares on YouTube, “Expect to have HPV once you become sexually intimate. All of us get it.”
And childhood innocence? Forget it! Material created for children makes most adults uncomfortable. On websites recommended to students, nothing is taboo—sadomasochism, polyamory, and what were once called “deviant” behaviours . . . they’re all good."

I guess it was just a little too big a contrast, it left me rattled...... when God created Adam and Eve, created them in His image, when He designed marriage, all of this was about agape love... loving selflessly, expressing sexuality inside the boundaries of a marriage of a man and woman, who entered into a covenant with each other before God... today it seems the media and even schools are all about destroying what God so perfectly put together...

okay... so I will drop it, I am going to trust God, but in His Word He also calls us to be aware:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world"




Friday, July 19, 2013

... raising the flag and pointing to Christ.....


have been sharing with a new friend about what got me to where I am now for the last little while and talking about the time brings the memories back a bit more...

it is great for me to feel the healing that God has brought about in me.. I can talk about it and in a way do what God tells me not to do during the healing process, which is to dwell on it, and yet...

all that comes to mind and is felt is how God has used this and all it meant to me and my girls for the good and will continue to do so ...

all that comes to mind is that He has indeed proven Himself to be faithful.....

read a Devotion on verse 4 of Psalm 23:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me. 

by James Mac Donald this morning...
and in it he said this:

"Never does the faith of a believer shine brighter than in the most difficult moments. I’ve seen people who have tragically lost every member of their family, yet respond in godly ways to the most desperate and devastating of circumstances. In those valleys, the people of God raise the flag and point to Christ."

when thinking of something that could happen, we are right to feel we could never do that... the truth is we can never do that... but with HIM we can...

I love the way James Mac Donald put it.... we "raise the flag"..... we are soldiers of Christ, He is our strength and for and through Him we raise the flag... His flag, for His honor, His glory....

it is for His glory and our blessing that He allows and even orchestrates the hardships....
if we are brave and courageous, and even the weakest can be that way ( remember in our weakness He is strong and His grace is sufficient ) we will raise the flag of our allegiance to Christ and point to Him from whom our strength and our joy comes, no matter the circumstances....

so, what "someone" means for evil, Satan still has to get permission from God for, and He, God, because He knows where we are and most of all where it will bring us, allows it.... He is sovereign over us.. perfect in love, His plans will always be to prosper us and not to harm us...

crawl up into your Daddy's lap... He will carry you through... look to Him and obediently walk with Him through the valley..... the valley of the shadow of death... ( shadow implying that there is light present ) and He will bring you out on the other side, you will be more like Him and the glory will be His...

let's face it, that's why we are here... why else would He not have taken us with Him to Heaven the moment He saved us..... ( it's so much better there... no more tears... )
#SoliDeoGloria

Monday, July 15, 2013

..consecrated feet seeking out the lost....


The highest form of worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service. The greatest form of praise is the sound of consecrated feet seeking out the lost and helpless. —Billy Graham

today, at Hope for Life, ministering to those the Lord has entrusted to our care, my heart was once more overflowing with thanksgiving...

the thing is, whenever we are worshipping, may it be by serving God or in our quiet time with Him, or during our Sunday service, when we are expressing our love, gratitude and amazement to our God and are showing the world how much He means to us, He turns it around and makes it a blessing for us..

when I am looking to Him, when I am all about Him, that's when I feel His love the most.. that's when I feel the closest... when I take my eyes of myself, my needs and hang ups, when nothing is distracting me, that's when I know that I know that I know how much I mean to Him..

Make me a servant, humble and meek
Lord, let me lift up, those who are weak.
And may the prayer of my heart always be;
Make me a servant, make me a servant,
Make me a servant, today.

having a heart for the weak, the disenfranchised, the forgotten and rejected, that's what Jesus was all about.. obviously when walking in His footsteps will we be nice and close to Him...

this has been my song for the last few years... 

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

He has indeed laid out the good deeds in advance for us... let us be faithful to His call and live a life of service worshipping the Lord of Lords... He will be faithful and bless us as we are serving Him while we are waiting!



Monday, July 8, 2013

..beyond our understanding you are teaching us to trust...

one of the many, many most wonderful things that happen at the Michael W Smith and Friends Events is that we sometimes find out a few things that no one else knows yet.... ooooolala....

but seriously, it is quite amazing to hear 2 songs Michael has been working on for his new "album" that will be coming out some time next spring..

being part of some of the background vocals for one of them was out of this world..
the other one, that he played for us during the Sunday church service is what God has been using in my life over the last few days...

since I love the kind of music he writes, obviously, and love his voice.. :) it's often the lyrics that make a song stand out for me... God uses those to minister to my soul...

this is what this one, and I don't remember if he told us the song title... says:
( and I didn't tape the whole song... so this is all I have)

........ ( missed the first part... )
you are working in our waiting,
you are sanctifying us,
beyond our understanding,
you are teaching us to trust.


your plans are still to prosper,
you have not forgotten us,
your are with us in the fire and the flood,
you are faithful forever,
perfect in love
you are sovereign over us


you are wisdom unimagined,
who could understand your ways,
reigning high above the heavens
reaching down in endless grace..

....... ( missing a phrase here... sorry..)
compassionate and kind
you surround and you uphold me
and your promises are my delight..


your plans are still to prosper,
you have not forgotten us,
your are with us in the fire and the flood,
you are faithful forever,
perfect in love
you are sovereign over us

even what the enemy means for evil
you turn it for our good
 for your glory
even in the valley you are faithful
you are working for our good
for your glory..


your plans are still to prosper,
you have not forgotten us,
your are with us in the fire and the flood,
you are faithful forever,
perfect in love
you are sovereign over us

amazing how God orchestrates things.... perfect comfort at the perfect time... nothing new, just put in words and to music that stirs my soul... 
He has not forgotten me... He is working in the waiting... and He is always working for our good.. for His glory.. because He is faithful...

a wonderful start to a new week... to Him be the glory forever Amen!!!




Saturday, July 6, 2013

.. intended for evil.. turned to good...

..just had a wonderfully extended time with my Father....
funnily enough, anytime I come to him, He gives me all His attention and has so many things for me to understand and learn... I love Him a lot. :)

still studying through the 11th chapter of Hebrews.. all about the Superheroes of Faith...

interesting what God uses to get through to us.. let's face it, He knows us so well and since His Word is alive and sharper than a double-edged sword.. He always succeeds in making known what He wants me to get..

so the last week was a little harder, found myself sleeping a lot, blamed it on the weather, but I know too that I was just so very exhausted emotionally... after all, my Father performed some deep tissue surgery last weekend.. takes a soul a while to recover from that, as necessary and helpful as it is, it still requires some rehab after..

so today, as I was dwelling on Joseph's life, and the blessing his father Jacob bestowed on him and his sons, I all of a sudden thought it would be a good thing to write down what had been meant for evil throughout my life, and how God turned it into something good... how He increased my faith and my effectiveness..

then I wrote down how this last "meant for evil" ordeal 3 and 1/2 years ago has indeed increased my blessings and me being a blessing...

oh my goodness... there is soooooooo much that He has brought out of this.... it was good to list it all.

Joseph, who endured hardship because of others intending evil, was put in such a powerful earthly place, that he in turn was able to bless many, even those that put him in the pit in the first place..
his father ended up giving him pre-eminence when blessing all his sons and indeed, the blessing really started becoming true after Jacob passed away... the increase in numbers exploded..

for me... I never before had ventured outside the walls of the church so to speak, taking the gospel to the lost... I now have had the privilege to lead a few to the Lord and walk beside them on their journey...
even my mother, this wonderfully stubborn German lady I love so much...
God provided for a life that has had me stable and secure despite the turmoil, again, intended for evil....

He has blessed me by increasing the circle of my influence of blessing and encouragement...
He has showered me with new friends, both through the ministry He called me to and through the healing blessings like becoming one of those crazy fans of this one Christian artist...
y'all know who you are and my life has been enriched to an extend I would have never been able to imagine...

I have freedom to be the passionate Christian I am... to give of my time freely..

so, thanks to what my Father shared with me when I climbed up on His knees today, I am once again able to fix my eyes on Him and what He is doing, rather than on my unmet, legitimate needs..
He has a plan, and it was good to make an inventory of just how marvellous that plan is....
for me, writing it all down really helps....

To Him alone be the Glory #SoliDeoGloria


Thursday, July 4, 2013

..physical touch, quality time and affirmation....


took the test and it was confirmed.... :)
I knew it already, but it was good to see it "black and white" so to speak..

I am talking about the 5 love languages.. the first one, far ahead of all the others:

TOUCH......

followed by Quality Time and Words of Affirmation..........

so.... leaving the whole aspect of overstepping boundaries.. moving from the righteous to the sinful... aside...

---> it is not that Jesus is not enough..

it is not that He is not the source of my hope, my joy, my peace... 
it is not that He is not blessing me... it is not that I am not fulfilled serving Him,
it is not that I am not more concerned about the lost.. those that do not know Him yet..
it is not that I do not think of others and care for them and have tremendous compassion for them..
and because of that give generously of myself, my time, my attention and my love...
it is not that I am not thankful for my children, my friends, my church... and all the many blessings He bestows on me daily...
it is not that I will be fine, even when I never get married again....

but.....

TOUCH, QUALITY TIME and WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.... with, like I said, TOUCH far ahead of everything....

that's what I am longing for.... and is this wrong? a sign of weakness? a sign for me not being where I should be? not mature enough? not Christian enough?

He is the One that made me that way.....

so... if I have to live a life without those things... I will cling to my Lord, and trust that He will sustain me... but I do long for the touch.. that communicates love...

a little tidbit of information... you know you are desperately deprived of what communicates love to you when it takes all out of you not to break down crying when your orthodontist works on your teeth...
or your massage therapist massages your face ...

there is nothing I can do about that.

I am thankful that God has shown me how my past and my need for love and acceptance from a real live man had lead me to pass over from righteousness to sin without being willing to call a sin a sin..

I am working through the past events that have somehow distorted my way of dealing with this specific area..

I know now though that I am just that person that God made me, that touchy, feely, affectionate, loving, caring woman, that was made to complement a man and together manifest who God is...

again, if He wants me to remain single, I will... and I will have to rely on Him to stay pure.. and that I will... with all that I have in me.. 



Tuesday, July 2, 2013

.. a desire nothing in this world can satisfy....

the "little child" is back, and with her the mess in my house ;) and a lot of stories of the brokenness experienced over the last few days... it breaks my heart that I am no longer there with her when she encounters what it is that hurts her so much..

back in the grind, up early, I am reflecting on what I just read the other day:

I will just give you the entire post, posted by Pete Wilson of Crosspoint Church in Nashville:


"Romans 8:19-22 “For all of creation is waiting, yearning for the time when the children of God will be revealed. You see, all of creation has collapsed into emptiness, not by its own choosing, but by God’s. Still He placed within it a deep and abiding hope that creation would one day be liberated from its slavery to corruption and experience the glorious freedom of the children of God. For we know that all creation groans in unison with birthing pains up until now.”

There is a temptation we all face and it’s to being to think that this current life is it. When we fall into that temptation we begin trying to have all our desires for purpose and satisfaction and significance met in a sin stained world we were never really created for. And ultimately this leaves us flat empty.

I think we’ve done a lot of disservice in our churches by telling people there are seven easy steps to a completely satisfying life and not warned them of what I call the “inconsolable emptiness”.

CS Lewis said it this way, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

So true! I was made for another world. Even my relationship with God here on this earth is not what it’s intended to be. No matter how hard I try there is no relationship with God in this present world that will ever be as rich, fulfilling, or freeing as it will be in heaven.

We all know something is wrong. Even creation itself longs to be restored.

I think we often miss this. We think what we want is a bigger title, better looks, more popularity, larger sums of money, or the perfect spouse ( or a spouse. period ). However, what we really want is the person we were made for: Jesus, and the place we were made for: heaven."

not much needs to be added... as another Canada Day went by and I found myself again in this weird place... a German growing up ( and patriotism is a BIG NO NO, because of the distorted and horrific history my country has in that regard ) a Canadian for the last almost 10 years... my heart has always been drawn somewhere else...

the only explanation for this confusion is found in His Word:

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,  who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. 
Philippians 3:20-21

the passport was issued, the ticket is booked.. I am going to head to my "place of citizenship" when the day comes... until then I am longing, and groaning... because this is not my home...


Monday, July 1, 2013

.. chiseling away the imperfections creating a Masterpiece???

.. I am a girl and when I cry.. a lot.. my eyes feel like they can't open all the way... even a day later.. when there is less crying going on...
emotionally exhausted, feeling like a truck has run over me a few times I have been praying and asking the Lord to reveal to me what it is He really wants.....

have spoken to two of my friends since yesterday morning... have had a few people commenting on my post from yesterday...

I love Him so much and all I ever want to do is to be obedient to Him... in His love for me over the last 19 years He has drawn me closer and closer and has healed many areas of my life..

whenever I talk to people about my faith I am reminded that had God in His sovereignty not saved me when He did I kind of doubt I would still be here...

I recall driving in the country side.. all by myself ( didn't happen often way back when... kids being small and all and no friends or family around since I had only come to Canada a few months before ) and sobbing, almost screaming because of the pain and desperation I was feeling.... troubled and wounded I was upset I could not even decide to end my life because I already had 2 of my kids...

that was before Jesus revealed Himself and overwhelmed me with His love for me... I have never lost the joy and the peace that entered my soul when the Holy Spirit entered me all that time ago..

He has healed many old wounds and as the new ones were being inflicted again and again He was and is always there for me..
I walk with Him closely and the intimacy we have is what has sustained me and enabled me to serve Him the way I do, joyfully and full of gratitude...

one thing is always the same: I do not want to walk out from under His umbrella of authority, protection and blessing....
I know where I was before He called me to Himself and nothing could be worth turning away from Him... this is why forgiveness became what I did best in the many years of my marriage... He has chiseled away on me.. again and again and it has been painful...

all along I have been inviting the refining, because isn't it in these times that we need Him so much more desperately and hold on to Him for dear life....

so... what is it He wants? I know, from my own counselling background that He in His mercy only takes off one layer at a time... that He also, because we are His children, will never give up on making us more like Him...

then there is the fact that when God created man He said Himself that it was not good... that something else was needed to make this creation good and He proceeded to make woman from man... and tada.. now it was good...

so... I know that Jesus meets all my needs, I know that He always has my best interest in mind... that He alone knows when what is good for me... I know He wants me to come to Him and that I only really crave intimacy with Him...

He also knows that like one friend put it so well, He is not surprised that I am struggling so.... and what I tell the women I counsel, that He knew about those sins I was going to commit ahead of time... that He will never love me less, or more... no matter how I mess up....

I need to be careful to not make "being in love / or in a relationship" an idol, because that is just plain against what God wants for me and from me...

truth is that today I am so much more content being on my own than I was a year ago for example...
I know that He never wastes any hurts in our lives and right now He is about chiseling some more iniquity off me.... the fire is hot and the pressure is high... it would be unbearable wasn't He right there with me..... it takes the heat for the impurities to come to the surface... skimming them off is painful... but then they are gone.. and that is a good thing...

this latest revelation drove one other very important point home as well..... not only did He tell me how much He loved me, when He saved me that Sunday morning in June 1994, He also let me see just how much I needed to be forgiven, how lost I really was, that without Him dying for me I would live eternally separated from Him.. screaming and wanting to end my life... never to be able to do so... eternally...

so, even if I do not quite understand what is going on right now, I know one thing.... God is for me... and He gave me the biggest gift already, when he chose me to receive the forgiveness of my sins...

tonite my " baby", my youngest daughter is coming home and I am glad to not be all alone anymore.