... you were on the cross.....

powerful service remembering what Jesus has done for us 2000 years ago... when He willingly went to the cross and endured the wrath of God.. the punishment for our sins...

this song touched my heart... had never heard it before...

YOU WERE ON THE CROSS by Matt Maher

Lost, everything is lost

And everything I've loved before is gone

Alone like the coming of the frost

And a cold winter's chill in my stony heart

And where were You when all that I've hoped for,

Where were You when all that I've dreamed,

Came crashing down in shambles around me?

You were on the cross

Pain, could you take away the pain?

If I find someone to blame, would it make my life seem easier?

Alone, all my friends are asleep

And I can't find anyone to stay awake with me

Where were You when sin stole my innocence?

Where were You when I was ashamed?

Hiding in a life, I wish, I never made

You were on the cross, my God, my God, all along, all along

You were on the cross, You died for us, all along, all along

You were on the cross, victorious, all along, all along

You were there in all of my suffering

And You were there in doubt and in fear

I'm waiting on the dawn to reappear

sharing the Gospel this afternoon by giving my testimony in front of 100 people from the community that accepted our invitation to come for a free dinner and a Spring Clothing Drive...

gained some new perspective on something I am facing right now, wise counsel from godly men in my life....

He is there, He always has been there... with a love so amazing, I cannot get my head around..

Thank you for the Cross, Lord... I will worship you forever..

..evil.. greed.. depravity... THE ROCK!

God is Holy!

He is sovereign.

He is great.

He is the Rock.

He is faithful.

He is upright.

He is just.

He does no wrong.

His works are perfect.

in the world there is: 

godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness

the people:

their thinking is futile and their foolish hearts are darkened. they have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. they are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,  slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;  they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy.  although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

He came.. He lived without sin, He died for my sins, and rose again.

He has prepared good works for me to do, He has a purpose for me and He has called me to be holy, because He is... He sent the counsellor, who now lives in me.

sin done against me. again. obedience on my part: forgiveness and a resolve to accept the consequences.

consequences: huge and never experienced before.

changes: tremendously big. potentially.

Me: seeking His wisdom and strength ... because:

God is Holy!

He is sovereign.

He is great.

He is the Rock.

He is faithful.

He is upright.

He is just.

He does no wrong.

His works are perfect.

AMEN

... radical obedience and GREAT rewards...

read this this morning:

“Every saved person this side of heaven owes the gospel to every lost person this side of hell.” David Platt

another quote form the same author:

“Radical obedience to Christ is not easy... It's not comfort, not health, not wealth, and not prosperity in this world. Radical obedience to Christ risks losing all these things. But in the end, such risk finds its reward in Christ. And he is more than enough for us.”

found out I am radical... not weird, radically sold out to Christ, conservative, as in sticking to what the Bible says, and radical, as in wanting to live for Him..

and then, I received some news, a situation I have known about for some time seems to be unfolding in the worst possible way..
this potentially will endanger my " comfortable way of life".... puts things into perspective to face something like this..

as I am struggling to continue to trust God in this, the phone rang... and it was my mother... first part of the conversation was about that situation and some other negative stuff, as in Chemo side effects and heart problems..

suddenly my mother starts telling me about that she has been reading in the Bible we got for her... she has some questions, and there we are, 6000 km apart, looking up scriptures and discussing what that means for us.....

the way it all makes so much sense to her now, her willingness to learn and see, brought tears to my eyes..
and there it all was brought back into perspective...
who cares of the things of this earth.. the hurts, disappointments and hardships... there is nothing sweeter than sharing the love of Christ with my mother, and knowing that we are on this side of heaven, both saved, and that she will be with me in heaven, filled my heart with such joy...

seeing a lost soul saved is the greatest joy there is... the news today will bring difficulties I abhor, especially since it will affect me without having had anything to do with bringing this on... but again, nothing can compare to the sweet fellowship I now enjoy with my beloved mother..
I am praising God..... for His plans cannot be thwarted... He is good and powerful... He alone is worthy of my praise...

.. "self pity, self destructive, depressing "....

I need routine... I crave routine.. without routine I am a weak little leaf tossed about by the wind...

yes,
this is why it is good for me to have commitments, obligations and responsibilities...

this is why I need accountability... getting up for a workout.. having appointments and meetings to attend, people counting on me...

because... otherwise, I am easy prey for all the "self pity, self destructive, depressing" thoughts that enter my mind...

coming to Hope for Life this morning, meeting for prayer with my dear friends and co-workers.. oh how good it is to be able to share ( and yes, vent a little ) and then take it to the Lord...

even walking into the church, being greeted by sweet old ladies and my youngest little friend bringing "Rehfeldt" an Easter painting... with two stickers and writing on it :)

I need to be reminded how good I have it... how precious it is, to be a follower of Jesus... reminded of the sacrifices of others before me makes my "sacrifices" look so pathetic and small...

this is Paul:

"I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again.  Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes.  Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea.  I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not. I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm....."

taking everything to Him in prayer, my burdens become light... so, what if my kids are fighting their heads off, there seems to be no one that fits with me, I am discouraged by the paths my dearest loved ones are on... He is still in control...

thank you Lord, that you are so much bigger than anything I am facing today....  or tomorrow or any day for that matter.... help me to be content and trust you.... please... :)

..disliking the pit....

it's been a weird few days... you can always count on falling, after being on a high...
no reason to feel like I have, but, I have..

moved ALL our "over abundance" of beautiful baby things into the "Real Canadian Super Care Closet" and after countless hours of sorting and organizing... we are NOT done... but let me tell you,
it will be WONDERFUL!!!!

Volunteer training session, with 8 new Volunteers on Wednesday.. amazing!!

even though it is cold out still, somehow the sunshine of the last two days weirdly has made this feel as if, low and behold, Spring might eventually even come to this neck of the woods...

worked out a lot and feel great...

have had great times with my Lord... and how come I still feel so ...

some things weigh heavily on my heart, but that's not new and everyone has those..
some horrific news in the middle of the week, breaking my heart for a friend..

I think, after 3 years and 3 months I am just tired of making this being alone thing work...
content in all circumstances, obviously, I am far from achieving this as an ongoing state of mind..

do I need to read more, pray more ? do I need to serve more? care more? love more?
or do I just have to accept where I am more?????

my prayer over the last 24 hours has been... "I can't" ... "I don't want to"...

I know He can take it, I know I don't have to pretend with Him, I know He loves me and He knows my heart, He knows my desire... He has made me... duh..

patience, endurance, perseverance.... oh how I don't like y'all right now...

struggling... so tired... I know He will bring me through this valley.. He always does... good thing it is Sunday and I WILL have to get going..

Blessed are those that trust in the Lord.... I do trust Him..

..Jesus Crucified.. anything else is a LIE!!!!!

what a morning... what a blessing... so thankful to God for putting me where He has...
great, amazing sermon by Pastor Jeff filling in for the vacationing Pastor Paul...

heartfelt and real, direct, preaching of the TRUTH...

2 Corinthians 11: 2 - 4

I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.  But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.  For if someone comes and proclaims another Jesus than the one we proclaimed, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or if you accept a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it readily enough.....

I love Paul, he was a humble man, not afraid to speak the truth.. telling the believers in Corinth that if someone was telling them that anything added to Jesus... anything, was necessary in addition to Jesus.. is a false Gospel..  and we are being deceived.. it could be remnants of beliefs we had before we encountered, that we won't let go, or any other rule that has to be obeyed, that is not straight from the Word...
 "Christ Crucified"   and only that, is where our hope is found..

it leads us astray by taking off our eyes of the only One that counts... Jesus, who by His death achieved our salvation... as He goes about the process of sanctifying us, he refines us, it is He who decides how much... when the time comes He will bring us safely to His Heavenly Kingdom.. were we will spend eternity in close fellowship with Him...

to Him it is we have to look, on the Truth of the Bible we have to stand, out of that will flow a desire to  consistently seek Him in His Word, to pray, to be obedient and to serve, then we will be sure without a shadow of a doubt that we are indeed His and that our eternity in Heaven has been secured...

Read this in the Christian Post today:
The newly elected pope addressed the media for the first time on Saturday, reminding Catholics that Jesus, not the pope, is at the center of the Church, which he said should be "poor, and for the poor."

how wonderful.... God is  at work, there is no doubt about that..
spending time with my mother, who, as a new believer, is in awe about how God has been orchestrating it all, all along, I am so blessed.. she sees it now, and my prayer is that it will give her confidence in Him.. that even in the hardest time of her life she can rely on Him........

just love Him.. for who He is......

.. hopelessly devoted to You....

it's quite strange. met with my Ex-husband at the airport, we by chance ended up on the same flight going back to Toronto from Zuerich,  and he did what he would always do. check us in, make sure all worked out... what had bothered me so many years, his rather assertive way of dealing with others, does not bother me at all anymore.
 I can't get over  just how strange it is....here we are, doing something we did for 18 years.... which came to an end because he just didn't want anything to do with me anymore. married again, he is is living his life, pretty much the way we were all used to it, just without us, or I should say: without me.

spending time with my mother in St. Moritz, Switzerland, where we have so much history, talking about some hurtful things that have happened in the past between my mother and I, all the stuff that happened 3 years ago came up as well..... I guess that didn't help at all......
listening to a beautiful song we sang at Carnegie Hall, "All is well".... comforting, yet sad as well. I am wondering if He is calling me to serve Him and forget about a man to experience love with... because let's face it, so far this has proven rather difficult and complicated.
wondering if  the big work the Lord did just a few months before the collapse of our marriage has something to do with it.
I learned to love and appreciate my husband for who he was, for the potential he had and I loved him with the love God has for him..........
had hoped then that this would have been enough to rescue our marriage, but it was too late, he had already moved on..
fact is that whoever I have met so far has not been a real fit... I guess I am " too mature" to just go with it like I did 21 years ago,  figure the problems out later so to speak... I guess I am afraid of the outcome of that ..and I also am, thanks to what God has been doing, far too wise now..... ;)
maybe, maybe, my Father in Heaven has had His hand on me from a very young age for now to claim me  for Himself, and Him alone...
I marvel at how He is using me and I can't lie, it is a tremendous privilege to serve Him with all my heart, soul and mind...
and yet..... real, human love, affection, passion and delight.... could it be, that this is not for me anymore?
as a follower of Christ, devoted to Him who has chosen me before the beginning of time, who has suffered and died for my sins, so that I could be reconciled to Him and the Father, what could I say... to Him, if this was what He had for me???
I don't think there would be anything I could say but "Thank you Lord" and " Here I am, use me". He owes me nothing.. I owe Him everything!
my heart does long for someone to hold me, encourage me and cherish me. For someone for me to love and respect and honor, to come before our Father in Heaven together and to minister together, ......my head thinks it is impossible, far too complicated now... the chances to meet a man who is that "ultra orthodox " in his beliefs, around my age, was left by his wife or is widowed, and fits with who I am because of my background and my experiences.. serious but crazy, conservative and a little wild... committed to God's Word and passionately in love with Jesus Christ, the Word who became flesh....
maybe I should just stick with Him, because the truth is my heart always bursts with the love I have for Him, whenever I spend time with Him, think about Him, worship Him, read His Word or speak about Him....
who knows, maybe there is no more love left for a man.........

if I could just leave it and be fine with it..... so tired of wrestling with this.... :(

All is well, All is well,

Lift up your voice and sing

All is well, all is well

Born is our Christ and Saviour 

Let there be peace on Earth

Sing Hallelujah

All is well

..He spoke... and it came to be.....

Psalm 33

Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;

    it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

 Praise the Lord with the harp;

    make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.

 Sing to him a new song;

    play skillfully, and shout for joy.

 For the word of the Lord is right and true;

    he is faithful in all he does.

 The Lord loves righteousness and justice;

    the earth is full of his unfailing love.

 By the word of the Lord the heavens were made,

    their starry host by the breath of his mouth.

He gathers the waters of the sea into jars[a];

    he puts the deep into storehouses.

 Let all the earth fear the Lord;

    let all the people of the world revere him.

 For he spoke, and it came to be;

    he commanded, and it stood firm.

 The Lord foils the plans of the nations;

    he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.

 But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever,

    the purposes of his heart through all generations.

Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,

    the people he chose for his inheritance.

 From heaven the Lord looks down

    and sees all mankind;

 from his dwelling place he watches

    all who live on earth—

 he who forms the hearts of all,

    who considers everything they do.

 No king is saved by the size of his army;

    no warrior escapes by his great strength.

 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;

    despite all its great strength it cannot save.

 But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,

    on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

 to deliver them from death

    and keep them alive in famine.

 We wait in hope for the Lord;

    he is our help and our shield.

 In him our hearts rejoice,

    for we trust in his holy name.

 May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,

    even as we put our hope in you.

"in this world you will have trouble" the Lord said, "but take heart, I have overcome the world"......

in this world there are diseases and side effects, lies and betrayal, there are mean and hurtful words... tragedy, disaster and abuse, there is favouritism and disappointment...

I do put my hope in your unfailing love, Lord, your eyes are on me, your plans stand firm forever, no mean, selfish acts of others can harm me, because you are my help and my shield, I will never be able to fathom your love for me..... your faithfulness knows no end, you are worthy to be trusted and I will praise you forever.....

..soaring together worshipping Him....

I call on you, my God, for you will answer me;

    turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.

 Show me the wonders of your great love,

    you who save by your right hand

    those who take refuge in you from their foes.

 Keep me as the apple of your eye;

    hide me in the shadow of your wings

Psalm 17:6-8

I always have felt that no one would ever understand me...
especially when feeling deeply about something...
for example, when music, classical, instrumental music just touches the deepest parts of my soul...
have always longed to share this.. always thought that this just might never happen...

don't we all just want to feel close to someone and to be known, to be important enough for someone to want to know everything ? and then for that someone to understand what happens deep inside, the love, the soul resonating deeply, feelings, compassion, love, fear, sadness... all of it........ two souls becoming one as they connect so deeply..

the music, there is just something about a piano, a violin, there is just something about how God inspires people to write music that reaches the deepest places of who I am..
Michael W Smith's album "GLORY" is full of pieces that are, I feel, instruments to communicate with my soul.. my innermost being... they bring me to tears, filled with an unexplainable joy, emotions so raw, I just want to lift my arms high to God, the creator of it all, soaring with Him on levels of experience I have no words to describe...

I think there might never be anyone that I will be able to share this.. maybe it is a personal thing between me and God.... maybe it is, like the Carnegie Hall experience something out of this world.. a glimpse of a realm so heavenly, so infinitely divine... so full of the essence of God, light, colours of the rainbow, warmth and closeness.....

it takes my breath away... it fills me with a longing for heaven and all that God has for me... one day, one day we will all be soaring on wings like eagles, joyfully, playfully, worshipping Him, the One and Only, my closest friend and lover of my soul.......

maybe this is a closeness reserved for the Lord and His servant...

I praise Him for showing me the wonders of His great love...

...bloopers and Praises :)

...looking forward to getting to see my mother for a week, my beautiful daughter and I made our way to the airport on Friday... just to realize that between my almost 75 year old father, his travel agent in Germany, who only reluctantly uses modern technology ( as in emailing me :O ) and me on the other side of the pond.... our departure date had been changed ..  ultimately my fault, I should have checked the dates when I finally got emailed my eticket....
so back home we went.. stopped by Michaels to buy some scrapbooking things for the album we want to make for my Mom of this trip, had a bite to eat....
this is where the second blooper happened... took my wallet out of my "packed for travel" purse, that, with my suitcase, stayed in the car... long story short, a dear friend of mine kindly took us to the airport and lo and behold... my wallet didn't make it... still in my car, in my garage.... great...
thanks to modern technology and my daughter's wallet in her possession I transferred some money into her account,  thanks to "RBC app for my iPhone :)"
feeling yucky fighting a head cold, I had asked for prayer, knowing that my poor mother, being on Chemotherapy can't really have a sickie around...

arrived safely, had only dosed off here and there for a little nap all night, or what remains of your night, when you lose 6 hours traveling east... only to have to drive the 220 km to the final destination...
did that too, arrived safely again.....
head cold much better to pretty much gone, thanks to the One who hears our prayers.. I had some cool conversations with my mother again... so thankful for the fact that she really is getting it now... seeing and understanding things, so obviously a result of the Holy Spirit in her... Hallelujah...

since I left on Saturday evening I have been listening to "The Promise" one of the songs we sang with Michael W Smith at Carnegie Hall.. on repeat obviously... over and over and over again..
I have been in bed, wide awake after a 3 hour sleep, it is 1:45 am here right now... WORSHIPPING my Jesus, oh How I Love Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fear not

Oh, Israel

For there is peace

Still to come

A word to break

The silence

A promise

Set to bloom

The promise

To redeem us

One to free us

Break this silence

In the violence

In our lives

Emmanuel is sure

To find us soon

The mighty rule

To Jesse's

Star of truth

And bring us

Unto glory

Tell His story

Heal the broken

And restore

Thee to His name

The star

Will guide us

To the humble place

Where Christ

The King

Reveals

His earthly face

And we

Will see Emmanuel

God is with us

God is for us

God is in us

We will see

We're

Singing Hallelujah

We're

Singing Hallelujah

Emmanuel

Our God is with us

by Michael W Smith

..Authority :O ...... Protection :)

....Authority  :O :S  :S  .... what a horrible word this has become... I guess there have always been  people in authority that have abused it... some more than others....  today, it seems to be the cool thing to rebel against authority, I even think there is a certain pride involved in doing that....

but then you read this in the Bible, God's Word, His Word, which tells us that He is in authority over us, and that we are to obey ...

...and there is this:  Paul writing to the Corinthians about authority: "He gave us this authority to strengthen you, not to hurt you."
ha..... pretty cool... authority is there to strengthen, not to hurt.... authority is there to challenge and reinforce the perfect "rules and regulations" given to us for our benefit by God....

in a perfect world, like God intended this world to be (but then sin entered as the first rebellion against what the Lord had said happened in the garden ) no one would use their authority to hurt or abuse anyone...

as a Christian I am called to submit to the authority God has put me under.. my government, my church leadership, my husband, if I have one  :) ...  really a no brainer because He, God is my authority, my LORD, the King of Heaven and Earth...

I trust Him, God, to take care of me, if He asks me to do that... He knows what is good and He will be there for me, in case hurt will result from it.. Amen???

Authority really is not meant for someone to be able to push others around,  godly authority comes with  wonderful qualities.... protection and responsibility...

I know my Father in Heaven as the One who always has my best interest in mind...
this is what it says in Romans 8 :31-33:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be[a] against us?  He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?  

if He tells me to submit to authority I will trust Him for this to be the right thing... God is bigger than anyone with authority messing things up.....

I would never want to miss out on the protection and blessing that is mine if I stay under the umbrella of His authority!!!!!

.. you will always have plenty of everything...

have been praying to be more generous in my giving of myself... felt compelled to do so, when dwelling on chapter 8 and 9 of 2 Corinthians for a few weeks not so long ago..

felt that I had not much left after ministering to the clients at Hope for Life, after being a mother to my daughters, a daughter to my mother who is dealing with cancer, a Director to my Volunteers, a caring friend... to the extent that I didn't really enjoy my Small Group that much because it kind of seemed to be just one more thing where I was giving of myself..

then I read:

Remember this: The one who plants few seeds will have a small harvest. But the one who plants a lot will have a big harvest.  Each one of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give. You should not give if it makes you unhappy or if you feel forced to give. God loves those who are happy to give.  And God can give you more blessings than you need, and you will always have plenty of everything. You will have enough to give to every good work.

so I shared this and asked my group to pray... I have since been there each week :) and have been blessed by the opportunities to minister...

I know that it is better to give than to receive, and I live it, by God's grace,  it was just that I thought there wasn't anymore left to give.. now that was a lie... I ended up not being willing to give of the little I thought was left over at the end of the day... and it all became this vicious cycle..

once again the Word came in and sharper than a double-edged sword  it cut through the deception..

God in the meantime keeps on giving us this tremendous harvest... Hope for Life is brimming with activities and we are HELPING those that need us..... we are about to organize our brand new Care Closet..... stay tuned for pics..... God provided colour-coordinated couches ;) for our Prayer / Reception / Family room... His attention to detail is a never-ending source of joy for me.........

Have you thought about where you could invest yourself??? The Lord keeps His promises you know, He said He will give us more blessing than we need... do you trust Him for that???????

...proud obstacles and rebellious thoughts... :S

"We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments.  We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient."

this week's passage, or part of it anyways... 2 Corinthians chapter 10......

love that we get two different versions in our Small Group ( SCC ) booklet ... this is the New Living Translation

so "human reasoning" "proud obstacles" "rebellious thoughts".... anyone know what Paul is speaking about there... sounds like a good description of "human nature" or "the flesh" to me ...

have seen Satan use those tendencies to blind us to truth...  thankfully the weapons we have to fight with are God's mighty weapons, like the Sword, the Word of God.... a powerful one to expose the lies of the enemy..

Satan, as devious as he is, tries to use even the Word to deceive us, so we have to be really careful, can never just take something out of context, have to test any verse against other passages were the same topic is discussed...

it is heart breaking to see someone walking down a path that so obviously will lead to destruction... it has been said: "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea......"

so be sure that you take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ, and make sure you replace them with the TRUTH... "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith......."